Jules5401 is offline Jules5401 Post #1  May 14,2010, 2:10pm
Jules5401's Avatar

is on hiatus.

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2010

The Country, GA

Posts: 299

See profile

So I was matched and met a guy a couple weeks ago through eH. Had an amazing date and at the end of our 6 hour conversation he drops the bomb that he's been married twice...and is still going through his divorce. When pressed he didn't really seem to know when this would be finalized.

Now that I'm trying to distance myself from him and confronted him about misrepresenting himself on eH he's practically begging for me to put this all aside, which I will not.

But my thing is...do I report him? Part of me says yes I should because he might not mention this to the next date after this...but then I have a friend freaking me out that he might "get weird" with me if I do. What to do?
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  May 14,2010, 4:06pm
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,429

See profile

what would you report him for?
 
  Reply With Quote
Lookingandlooking is offline Lookingandlooking Post #3  May 14,2010, 4:09pm
Lookingandloo…'s Avatar

517 archived, 1066 closed matches and still looking!

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 336

See profile

If you feel really strongly about it, report him. What can he do to you? Block his phone number and email. Hopefully he doesn't have your address. As far as you know, he's seeing other women too - maybe he'll think one of them reported it.

To be honest, he did tell you that he was getting a divorce, so he didn't lie about that. But yeah, he should know when that will be final.

Go with your gut. If this doesn't feel right- don't see him. Don't talk to him. Close the match.
 
  Reply With Quote
Lookingandlooking is offline Lookingandlooking Post #4  May 14,2010, 4:10pm
Lookingandloo…'s Avatar

517 archived, 1066 closed matches and still looking!

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 336

See profile

Thinker, she's reporting him because he's not single.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  May 14,2010, 4:20pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

If you feel he was deceptive, then yes, report him. It is a violation of the eH TOS to be married or separated and using the service. I know the moderators would encourage you to send his information to customer care at matchconcerns@eharmony.com.

Welcome to the advice boards and I hope you resolve this issue positively.
 
  Reply With Quote
tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #6  May 14,2010, 4:48pm
tenderheart10…'s Avatar

is in "the waiting place"

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Canada

Posts: 166

See profile

He's separated, and he told you so. Why would you report him? If you are uncomfortable with it then move on. He may just be trying to get on with his life and meet someone.
 
  Reply With Quote
edwardtx is offline edwardtx Post #7  May 14,2010, 5:09pm
edwardtx's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

Posts: 34

See profile

You are creating a lot of unecessary drama after only one date with a guy in the process of a divorce.

Keep it simple... Break it off, cease communications, close him out, report it to eH if you wish, and end of story.

Move on to other matches.

It is not likely eH will terminate his membership based upon any unsubstantiated complaints you make, unless of course he fesses up to still being married if questioned .

It does sound as if you may be acting a bit vindictively. Divorces can drag on longer than expected. He may be in the end stages of divorce, and wants to start moving forward again.

My divorce took 18 months since there was a lot of litigation over custody matters, and when I had a couple of months left for the final decree to be signed I went ahead an got on eH. I was upfront about it to my matches, and never had any problem with any being angry or shutting me out over it.

We just kept it friendly and platonic until the divorce was final...
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #8  May 14,2010, 5:42pm
neardc's Avatar

Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,050

See profile

It is a clear violation of the eH terms of service to subscribe while still married (even if separated). And in fact, one must tell a pretty significant lie about one's legal marital status in order to subscribe under those conditions. All subscribers to eH have a right to expect that every match they receive is in fact single, and so I also urge you to report your match so they can follow up and investigate the matter. Whether you then wish to continue to date him under the circumstances is up to you.

There are many other dating services out there that welcome people who are separated, so it's not like eH is the only option for him.
 
  Reply With Quote
Jules5401 is offline Jules5401 Post #9  May 14,2010, 9:28pm
Jules5401's Avatar

is on hiatus.

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2010

The Country, GA

Posts: 299

See profile

I'm certainly NOT being vindictive. I would have never met him or proceeded in the intial communication with him if I knew he was still married. That's not ok with me. I don't care how long you've been separated or when you're divorce will be final. Married is married. Besides the fact he did admit to me he selected divorced because he knew he wouldn't be accepted if he was honest.

He's been seperated from her for years supposedly, but yet couldn't give me a definite answer as to when things would be settled. They had no kids, no real assets from what he's talked about to separate.

I did decide to report him. I feel it's the right thing and this is a match that I shouldn't have been matched with anyway because I won't date people still married.

Now if he'd just respect my decision to move on to other matches...
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 15,2010, 7:07am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
what would you report him for?
Violating the eHarmony terms of service. You must be single to be on eHarmony. Anyone who is not yet divorced is still married.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Hello Everyone! Could I get your Advice? | Using eHarmony | The cyber Cyrano -- is it cheating to hire a profile and email writer »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Free Communication Weekend and the Theory of Match Counts ScottK Using eHarmony 19 November 11,2010 11:10am
Re-opening a match... good idea? Catsetc Using eHarmony 3 April 20,2010 8:06am
Is it worth it to re-open a match once you've closed it? M60W2 Using eHarmony 22 January 31,2010 4:37am
The PERFECT match. notjustamuse Using eHarmony 15 October 21,2009 6:55pm
reporting a match goldengirl7676 Using eHarmony 12 October 2,2009 10:08pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:13pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0