livinitupregardless is offline livinitupregardless Post #1  May 10,2010, 1:31pm

Moving out soon and excited

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Sooo, some of you may remember me from my asking for a profile review some time back. Well, things have taken a few turns since then and basically for a while I thought I had found someone.
He is twenty-five, and when I saw his profile I was immediatly interested. When he sent me a communication request soon after I could hardly beleive it! So over the course of a couple of days we went through GC until it came time for the first OC message. And... he sent me more than ONE sentance which was awesome within itself. I can't stand those phrase e-mails or the two word e-mails, they're near impossible to respond to well.
So we communicated for the next week and o m g this guy is like exactly what I would have wanted... he likes science, writes poetry, dances, plays sports, enjoys being with friends... since I've never dated (he still does not know this) I kept getting the feeling that I would somehow screw things up... and I think I may have.
We are now friends on facebook, but have never met or exchanged phone numbers. Have not even contacted one another on fb. But one thing that I brought up when the time seemed best appropriate was something I wanted to tell him myself:
When I first joined EH, I had not expected to really meet anyone very importaint until about a month had passed and by that time I would be officially eighteen... okay, um, I changed my birthday by a month. I was only curious about EH at first and wasn't even going to buy yet when I got that first communication request I didn't want to leave that person hanging and figured "what the heck? I'm almost there"
So my birthday is in three weeks. I could just smack myself for not being eighteen RIGHT NOW. I'm so close, is it really so bad? I know he's twenty-five and all but I like older guys... teenagers (sorry those of you who are exceptions) are usually kinda immature.
So when I told him this, in the best terms I could think of, one of the things he said in his next message was "...I'm not hell bent on dating someone from eHarmony".
What does that mean? Does he think I'm not interested? Or is he not? He's said more than once that he thinks we could be good friends, and has said things like "if you ever come too it would be really fun" and "if you get a hold of that DVD let me know".
I like him. Really. But, if he likes someone else or does not like me, that's more importaint to me. I would never want to force anything on him; I would understand him wanting someone more experienced. I've been waiting since Saturday for his response to me (he works) and I'm anxious beyond reason.
thoughts?
Last edited by livinitupregardless; May 10,2010 at 1:37pm.
 
 
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  May 10,2010, 1:49pm
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Ummm....well....there is this nasty legal thing called statutory rape statute that various states have, so most men will do the sensible thing and not even risk absolutely destroying their lives by doing anything like date a girl under 18, since most do not know the exact parameters of the law in their state. The fact that you don't get this just goes to show that you are not just young but also immature for your age. You really should know better.

Having said that, you are getting attached to pixels on the screen and a figment of your imagination. If you are going to insist on doing the online thing, you are also going to have to learn that until you meet in real life, you have absolutely nothing going for you and you have no real clue whatsoever if this person is really all that compatible with you or if you would be even remotely interested in each other once you meet. You just can't determine chemistry on a computer.

Finally, given your age group.....people your age are out and about meeting others in real life and you should too. This means that trying to meet someone on a dating site is likely to be twice as unpredictable as it is for people who are older with more settled lives with fewer social opportunities. Going to have to have a pretty thick skin for this.

Just some food for thought for you.
 
 
raerae178 is offline raerae178 Post #3  May 10,2010, 2:06pm
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I agree with dancingfool. I really think he probably was pretty put off by the fact that you were 17. Even though you were close to 18, you are still 17. I'm sure that sucks to hear but it's probably true. Plus because you fudged your birthdate then it looks like you lied, even if the intention was harmless.

Like Dancingfool said, you are at a perfect age to meet so many people outside of online dating. Maybe you should try that a litlle more. It's true that to do this seriously you do kinda need to have a thick skin. And remember you haven't even met so you I promise that next week you will have someone new that you like just as much.

Good Luck and remember lying never works out even if it's innocent.
 
 
raerae178 is offline raerae178 Post #4  May 10,2010, 2:07pm
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I agree with dancingfool. I really think he probably was pretty put off by the fact that you were 17. Even though you were close to 18, you are still 17. I'm sure that sucks to hear but it's probably true. Plus because you fudged your birthdate then it looks like you lied, even if the intention was harmless.

Like Dancingfool said, you are at a perfect age to meet so many people outside of online dating. Maybe you should try that a litlle more. It's true that to do this seriously you do kinda need to have a thick skin. And remember you haven't even met so you I promise that next week you will have someone new that you like just as much.

Good Luck and remember lying never works out even if it's innocent.
 
 
livinitupregardless is offline livinitupregardless Post #5  May 10,2010, 2:35pm

Moving out soon and excited

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Yeah, I'm perfectly aware of statuatory rape. Thing is, I'm seriously not about to go have sex with someone. Period. Long story short, I'm a Christian in every part of my being.

and I do hang out with people... my age and older. How else would I have an opinion about my peers? Last 17 year old guy I met went on a tangent about his last acid trip and encouraged me to try it some time. I politely declined of course, if that's what he wants whatever but it's not my thing.
Do you realize how hard it is to find a guy who's a Christian and is NOT taken? I just moved here a year ago, I'm not exactly well-established. Besides, I mostely hang out with adults. My best friend is 23 and other friends are 20, 21, 28... etc. I watched my two older sisters go thoguh many rocky relationships (and a divorce) so I may be naive but I'm not completely stupid. I know how boys think, and I know they're wired that way.

EDIT: and yes that above says WIRED not WEIRD... not a typo
Last edited by livinitupregardless; May 10,2010 at 2:45pm.
 
 
WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #6  May 10,2010, 3:10pm
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got her profile back! Thank you tech guy! :-)

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Only because you brought it up....you said you're Christian in "every part of my being." What about the honesty part? You were dishonest about your age to the eHarmony site. Do they have a requirement that you be 18 in order to be a paying customer?

Just curious?
 
 
livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #7  May 10,2010, 4:41pm
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Yay! spring has sprung.

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Hummm, you think he sounds perfect. But the comment, "not being hello bent on dating someone from EH? Have you asked yourself why the heck he is here in the first place then? Sounds like there could be an attitude problem.
You see, you are looking at him in an unrealistic way. He sounds good in writing huh? You havent met though. Therefore you have lost nothing. Are you putting all of your proverbial eggs in one basket? Thinking you might have done something to mess something up? What is there to mess up? Nothing!!!!
 
 
sony12 is offline sony12 Post #8  May 10,2010, 6:26pm
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Sorry but I think you are blowing this whole thing out of proportion. I'm not going to get into the age issue since everyone has already informed you that you were just wrong to do something like that.

Instead I am going to talk about your frame of mind towards the site. Since you are new to eharmony you probably do not know yet that you simply do not know people well at all until you meet them in person. You will find that often people wind up being completely different once you meet them in real life from what you thought they would be(doesn't mean they were lying it just means you were basing your attraction to them off of a fantasy you had built up in your mind).

You will know very little during the O.C. process and neither one of you have solid attachments to each other at all. You are basically just taking the small fragments of information you know about them and filling up the blank spots with the type of person you want them to be.

In all honesty 18 is vastly to young to be a part of eharmony and if I were that guy I would be very suspicious of you since you have already lied once (who knows what else you might be lying about). Go out and meet people through your group of friends. When you are college age that is the best avenue to meet people. A lot of people will be single and looking.
 
 
melman is offline melman Post #9  May 10,2010, 8:13pm
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sony12 wrote :
In all honesty 18 is vastly to young to be a part of eharmony
OP, are you listening to this advice? We said the same thing in your previous thread. You need to learn how to meet and interact with people in-person. e-dating is not for teenagers.
 
 
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