Ok, I've been on th service since Feb 7th and not met one person yet.


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Rhizzlebop is offline Rhizzlebop Post #1  May 10,2010, 10:15am
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So, I signed up in early Feb, and for various reasons, I've really gotten nowhere.
  • A few have gotten to OC and fall off the map. A couple of those closed me before ever even responding to my first OC to them so I couldn't write again, it was just DONE. I try to be a little funny, witty, but subdued. I ask a couple questions and generally just say that its been nice getting to know them. I sometimes add a comment about how the little eH steps sometimes seem silly, but when you get to the end they really have helped portray who we are.
  • A few have gotten to OC and we exchanged a few and then emailed, or texted a few times on the phone. Some of those were using FCW and as soon as I sent them a pic, poof!
  • One girl, we got to OC, and we texted a lot and talked on the phone a good bit. She had also been using a FWC. I didn't even realize at first that she hadn't seen me. When she finally said something, she said she had been wanting to get to know my character and all first. She was super conservative. I am conservative, but not to her level. She wanted to homeschool her future kids and be a stay at home mom and I wasn't about that. Nonetheless we texted till I sent her a pic, and soon after she basically told me we just didn't have enough in common to go forward. (She lived in NC, I'm in SC, so quickly meeting up wasn't that easy.)
  • One girl, we got to OC, exchanged one each there, and then she vanished for a week till I nudged her. Then she wrote back and said she had met someone else and wanted to pursue that. I wrote back and basically said, that I while I wish you nothing but the best, the odds favored that she might again be available to talk with and I hoped she'd drop me an email if that occurred because I thought we shared a lot of common interests. (I gave her my email). A week later she wrote back and appreciatively said she would certainly do that if the situation arose.
  • One girl i've been chatting with live in North Georgia, so not terribly far away, but she been a little sick. Like, was in the hospital for a few days. Some combo of something she tried to explain and said it was VERY unusual for her. We actually have a very smooth time talking on the phone and she finds me hilarous but she may ultimately flake.
  • Most recently, another girl who got to OC w me. She's a full member, and saw my pics from the beginning. We did OC a couple times. Then I gave her my email. We emailed a couple times. Then I gave her my cell and asked for hers. She called me up the next night and we chatted a few minutes. Then she left town for a week for her new neices birth. We exchanged a couple texts while she was gone. Then when she got back, we talked on the phone again and exchanged a couple texts, (she lives here in my town). One time, I had texted her late in the evening, just saying I hoped she had a nice day. She wrote me back at 7.20AM the next morning. So I think I replyed to that around 9 AM. The last time we talked on the phone, it felt like she cut it off quickly. Then she goes flaky the next day. Then finally she texts me saying how she just had a lot going on, and didn't want to go further. Well, I finally got her to say that she felt I came on too strong. And texting in the AM was something only bfs had done to her. (SHE texted me FIRST in the AM.
So, I'm kinda back to ground zero. I'm not sure what the heck is going on.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  May 10,2010, 12:16pm
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Just a quick comment on your last scenario. Some people have texting services that allow them to chose the times they can receive texts. It could be that you sent your in the window where she couldn't receive it, so the service held it until her OK time. The other thing with texts is that they sometimes get lost in space and then magically appear hours later.
 
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Rhizzlebop is offline Rhizzlebop Post #3  May 10,2010, 12:36pm
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I had not considered that maybe my texts in the evening didn't reach her till AM, and then she felt obligated to reply.

Sometimes I wonder though if a lot of people are on here for a reason, because they have issues. Like her saying I came on too strong (referring to the AM text(s) that she started, and a comment about talking on the phone too much.
We talked on the phone two times, once she called me, and we talked about 30 mintues, the other I called her and we talked less than 30 minutes. Which, I would have been glad to just meet her, and even tried to suggest a date during that second chat but got nowhere really. She explained how she had some even going on the coming weekend, and a friend in town. The first (prior) weekends she was out of town for new neices birth across 2 weekends and a week so we couldn't meet then.

Then to say we talked on the phone too much. ridiculous.

If I hadn't contacted her at all for a week or two, she prob woulda said or thought that I had flaked out on her and she'd have lost interest and I'd be here saying, I should kept in touch with her.
 
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Charger is offline Charger Post #4  May 10,2010, 1:05pm
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My personal experience is that you will never know the real reason why someone closes you or poofs and realistically, it doens't matter. You simple can't make assumptions (about anyone or anything) and you can't take things personally or the world of online dating will really get to you.

Are you going to come across cynical, jaded people with online dating? Oh you bet you will but you will learn to sort through people who have issues, sooner or later.

Online dating offer the security of anonymity and is for the most part innocuous for many people simply because they can bail out at any given time with no recourse.

The best part of online dating is getting the chance (no guarantee) of meeting someone you normally wouldn't have a chance to meet in you daily life so that in itself is worth the time and energy invested, at least for me it is.

Never take things personally.
Last edited by Charger; May 10,2010 at 1:06pm. Reason: typo, darn big fingers!
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #5  May 10,2010, 1:55pm
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How is it eharmony's fault that you never met any of the people you mentioned above?

Their job is to send you matches- what happens after that is up to you.
 
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Rhizzlebop is offline Rhizzlebop Post #6  May 10,2010, 3:34pm
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I never said it was eH's fault. I posted this looking for helpful comments on what I might be doing, or others who may have experienced a similar thing.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #7  May 10,2010, 3:54pm
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Rhizzlebop wrote :
I never said it was eH's fault. I posted this looking for helpful comments on what I might be doing, or others who may have experienced a similar thing.

Have you posted your profile for others to see where you might have gone wrong? Your pic? #1, no other females in your pics. No one cares that it is a sister or best friend. There are articles written about this. You might want to spend some time reading the articles about your profile besides checking out other threads.
O, and humor. It is hard to express it in your profile and in e-mail. It could make you look immature or even jaded and you may not even know it comes across to the other person like that.
E-dating is hard. I dont think you would find many on this sight who wouldnt agree. In fact I dont think it is for some personalities at all.
 
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Rhizzlebop is offline Rhizzlebop Post #8  May 11,2010, 4:23am
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Ok, I have not posted my profile for review. I probably should. Even though some of you guys will be harsh, I know its for my own good.

I know I'm breaking the rule of having other girls in my pics. I gotta find a little app or something to crop them out with I guess. However, when I put them up there, I did so with the mindset of, well if I'm seen with in pics with other attractive girls, then it'll peak their interestas to why those girls were hanging out with me. I know that topic has been discussed before as far as hanging out with girls in real life. Maybe thats way off base for this type of thing.
 
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Rhizzlebop is offline Rhizzlebop Post #9  May 11,2010, 4:27am
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I mean, in my icon pic here, am I just horrible or something? I don't think so. I'm about 6'4 245. I am trying to lose about 20 to 25 lb, but I don't think I'm that bad now. I have a big frame.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  May 11,2010, 5:04am
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Rhizzlebop wrote :
Ok, I have not posted my profile for review. I probably should. Even though some of you guys will be harsh, I know its for my own good.

I know I'm breaking the rule of having other girls in my pics. I gotta find a little app or something to crop them out with I guess. However, when I put them up there, I did so with the mindset of, well if I'm seen with in pics with other attractive girls, then it'll peak their interestas to why those girls were hanging out with me. I know that topic has been discussed before as far as hanging out with girls in real life. Maybe thats way off base for this type of thing.
lol.....that is soooo not how women think when they see you with other hot women in a photo. Most of the time you are guaranteeing yourself either an instant close or the back burner in case she ever runs out of better options.

Get good clear photos of yourself without the blatant someone has been cropped out of the photo thing. Good photos matter. It is the very first thing that your match sees about you - THE very first impression you are making. There is no reason why you can't have a friend snap some nice photos of you for this.
 
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