Jess_FinsUp is offline Jess_FinsUp Post #1  May 10,2010, 9:29am
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I am finally getting to the OC stage with a couple of my matches (finally...yipee!) but I draw a total blank when it comes to sending that first email. I usually initiate the GC, which means I also am the one sending the first email. I have gotten to this stage with one other person, and wrote a short "hi, how are you" type email, but never heard back.

What do you all do when you get to this stage? Write something quick, saying hi, and asking a couple of light questions? Go in-depth? I am totally at a loss here.

I also use match, and am having the same issue there. I have absolutely no problem in making the first contact (might be seen as aggressive or coming on too strong for me to make the first contact, but I like to be proactive ). I don't really know what to put in that first email. Again, some are short (hey, I like this-and-that in your profile, blah blah, give me a shout) and some are longer, talking about points in their profiles and why we have things in common. No luck to this point!

Any ideas, suggestions or even success stories would be appreciated!
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #2  May 10,2010, 9:43am

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Jess_FinsUp wrote :
I am finally getting to the OC stage with a couple of my matches (finally...yipee!) but I draw a total blank when it comes to sending that first email. I usually initiate the GC, which means I also am the one sending the first email. I have gotten to this stage with one other person, and wrote a short "hi, how are you" type email, but never heard back.

What do you all do when you get to this stage? Write something quick, saying hi, and asking a couple of light questions? Go in-depth? I am totally at a loss here.

I also use match, and am having the same issue there. I have absolutely no problem in making the first contact (might be seen as aggressive or coming on too strong for me to make the first contact, but I like to be proactive ). I don't really know what to put in that first email. Again, some are short (hey, I like this-and-that in your profile, blah blah, give me a shout) and some are longer, talking about points in their profiles and why we have things in common. No luck to this point!

Any ideas, suggestions or even success stories would be appreciated!
Never had success, but I can tell you how one apparently shouldn't do things.

I used to like to say hello and let them know what about their profile caught my attention.

For instance if it said they like X I'd say that I also enjoy doing X or that I've wanted to try doing X. I always tried to keep it short.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  May 10,2010, 9:45am
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Picking out what you liked in their profile, or something they said or did in GC, and commenting on that, and asking a further question about it ... that's good.

Another suggestion is to use OC just to move towards setting up a meet. Some people like protracted online-only communication, but a lot of people really don't and just want to meet.

Don't read too much into people fading out when you reach OC. A lot of people seem to be ok with doing GC and then somehow can't take the next step.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #4  May 10,2010, 9:54am
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What not to do: Write a book about yourself and how incredibly awesome you find the other person. I got one of those once and it made me very apprehensive about the individual. (It was also a wall of text with no breaks so was not pleasant to read.)

I like to send a quick conversational email with a general greeting and a couple of questions based on either the profile or things that came up during the GC. It seems to work; most of the guys who make it to the end of GC with me continue into OC.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #5  May 10,2010, 4:11pm
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I prefer something short and conversational. I find it very rare when women point out something they like on my profile or from the GC process, so bonus points for doing that.

What I do not like is getting a novel or getting someone that wants to play 20 questions. I've also had matches that barely squeeze out a single sentence. "Hi, it's been nice getting to know you" should not be a full message.
 
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UniqueUserName is offline UniqueUserName Post #6  May 12,2010, 10:29pm
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Short friendly message, maybe elaborate on some things in their profile that was appealing and try to make it not generic.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #7  May 13,2010, 12:36pm
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I would keep it fairly short- a long message with a lot of questions (or vague questions, like I get) turns people off and may get put on the back burner when someone doesn't want to take the time right now to answer it.

The goal should be a message that gets a quick and genuine response... and to move to meet in person or at least get on the phone.
 
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Luxury_Yacht is offline Luxury_Yacht Post #8  May 13,2010, 2:54pm
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I've actually had a decent amount of success with OC. I usually say hi, and ask a maximum of 3 questions (nothing too personal or in depth, like do you have any siblings? or have you lived in X your entire life? etc.).

Offer some information about yourself that you would like to know for example answer the questions you"re asking them.

I usually end with a cordial "hope to hear from you soon" and sometimes a funny quote or saying.

I think keeping it lite is important. Make them feel at ease, and invite them to email you back. No demanding, or negative stuff like "it sucks we live so far apart" or "I hate snow". Focus on the positive and leave the negative stuff for later LOL!

Hope this helps.
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #9  May 13,2010, 4:07pm
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There is no magic formula or silver bullet. EH and Match are a little different in that in EH you have already communicated to some extent and once you get to OC you should be in relatively good shape. My EH emails are short with a funny line followed by a suggestion we meet for a drink. I usually try to reference something in her profile in a light-hearted way to engage, as well.

On Match, it is a little different. I know that a cute girl on Match is getting lots of emails that all look the same so I will try to really stand out. Again though, I try to hook on to something in her profile to use as my main starting point. I will use a second email to ask her out and it is usually just, "want to meet for a drink?".

The point of the email is getting him/her to agree to go out. Don't waste a lot of time with it for any other reason.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 15,2010, 9:00am
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Generally I will ask a question or two relating to their life. Such as where they were born and grew up, etc. If there is something unique about their occupation I may ask for some explanation as to what they do. I try to ask something that is open ended which will give them the opportunity to tell me as much or as little as they would like.

I do try to keep it short.
 
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