o.k. to close matches after open communication?


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appleny is offline appleny Post #1  May 5,2010, 7:50am
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I just want to know how to tell matches that you have been communicate for few emails through open communication that you are not really interested in communicate with them?
Can I just go directly close the match?????
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 5,2010, 7:55am
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Hi Apple!
You can just close them. But don't you think it might kind of hurt their feelings? How would you feel if someone you were interested in and had been emailing with did that to you?

Another approach would be to send a final email saying "sorry ... no connection" etc. You don't have to get specific about why you lost interest. Then close them.
 
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Joti is offline Joti Post #3  May 5,2010, 8:16am
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appleny wrote :
Can I just go directly close the match?????
Depends how calous you want to be. I had one do that to me and I was annoyed at how much time I had taken out of my busy schedule to reply to his emails and he closed me with no explaination

Needless to say, after my experience with inane, pointless, waste of time, "getting to know each other for no reason" emails in EH, I have gone back to old fashioned one-on-one dating. I have never had a problem socializing becasue I am not shy. I just loved the EH ads on TV and got sucked into believing that it is something special
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  May 5,2010, 8:57am
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The polite thing to do would be to just send them a final e-mail that says that you just don't think you are a good match.

However, if after you had sent the e-mail you then closed the match I am not sure that your match would be able to read your last e-mail. Before the most recent site "downgrade" they would have been able to but I sort of think that now they would just see that you had closed and would not be able to read your last e-mail. On the other hand if you left the match open giving them an opportunity to read your last e-mail then you are also leaving them the opportunity to reply.

eHarmony's new policy is certainly to just slam the door closed in their face.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  May 5,2010, 8:59am
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Joti wrote :
Depends how callous you want to be. I had one do that to me and I was annoyed at how much time I had taken out of my busy schedule to reply to his emails and he closed me with no explanation

Needless to say, after my experience with inane, pointless, waste of time, "getting to know each other for no reason" emails in EH, I have gone back to old fashioned one-on-one dating. I have never had a problem socializing because I am not shy. I just loved the EH ads on TV and got sucked into believing that it is something special
That is what eHarmony now advocates.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  May 5,2010, 9:00am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
eHarmony's new policy is certainly to just slam the door closed in their face.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #7  May 5,2010, 12:49pm
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Joti wrote :
Depends how calous you want to be. I had one do that to me and I was annoyed at how much time I had taken out of my busy schedule to reply to his emails and he closed me with no explaination
Callous? LOL.

Unless you're communicating offline, it should be pretty obvious that a close means the person isn't interested in you any more. They can reach that decision at any point, so I don't see what the amount of time you spent on them has to do with anything.

Someone can send another OC message explaining why they're closing you, but that's really much different. I'm sure some people would resent getting that message and think "Why didn't he just close me instead of telling me that stuff?"

Of course, that last paragraph assumes they'd be able to read your message.

If I'm on the receiving end, a generic message like "We're not a good match" wouldn't help. That would just make me wonder why you suddenly decided that after getting to OC- when the truth is more likely that you're more interested in someone else.
Last edited by mrflyer; May 5,2010 at 12:51pm.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  May 5,2010, 12:55pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
You can just close them. But don't you think it might kind of hurt their feelings? How would you feel if someone you were interested in and had been emailing with did that to you?
If people are trying to date, they need to get a thicker skin. Seriously. If your feelings are hurt by some match you don't know closing you, I'd suggest giving up now, because that's going to happen again and again, and if it's the worst thing that happens in your dating life, you're pretty lucky.

I would prefer being closed that way than left open indefinitely by someone who was sure she had no interest in dating me or had stopped using the site.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  May 5,2010, 1:59pm
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appleny wrote :
I just want to know how to tell matches that you have been communicate for few emails through open communication that you are not really interested in communicate with them?
Can I just go directly close the match?????
At least give them a chance for some closure.

If they didnt say anything bad or offensive that warrented such a closure you should at least tell them thanks for talking...but... and give a reason why...maybe you reason was soemthing you interpreted or read into their writing style and you were totally off base.

Look at the roles revered and see how you would like it.

If you were going out with some guy you really were interestd and he suffenly checked out on you without a word...you would be fine with that?
 
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adrianae is offline adrianae Post #10  May 5,2010, 11:03pm
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I like to treat others like I want to be treated.
Unfortunately, I think people often forget about this in the world of ending communication and relationships.
Be honest, and just tell them you do not want to pursue anything further and wish them luck in the future.
I am in limbo in a situation and now waiting for a call back. His lack of action will speak louder than words and you know that nice guy impression he left makes me wonder really were you just acting?
 
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