Edenshire is offline Edenshire Post #1  May 2,2010, 2:41pm
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We got to open communication, exchanged 5-6 messages, but they got worse every time. I really like him and I thought he liked me, too. Maybe I'm reading into this too much but every message he sends gets shorter and more distant. At first he asked me question and elaborated on answers to my questions, but the last message or 2 was just him answering mine and saying "what about you?" Does this mean he's lost interest? He responds within a day most of the time and hasn't closed me out, but I feel like he's not there anymore.

Also, what's the normal progression of eharmony? How many messages are usually exchanged before the first phone call? meeting? long distance meeting? etc? I am new and just curious.

Thanks!
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #2  May 2,2010, 2:45pm

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Edenshire wrote :
We got to open communication, exchanged 5-6 messages, but they got worse every time. I really like him and I thought he liked me, too. Maybe I'm reading into this too much but every message he sends gets shorter and more distant. At first he asked me question and elaborated on answers to my questions, but the last message or 2 was just him answering mine and saying "what about you?" Does this mean he's lost interest? He responds within a day most of the time and hasn't closed me out, but I feel like he's not there anymore.

Also, what's the normal progression of eharmony? How many messages are usually exchanged before the first phone call? meeting? long distance meeting? etc? I am new and just curious.

Thanks!
If you think he's worth meeting then maybe it's time to suggest that?
 
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Edenshire is offline Edenshire Post #3  May 2,2010, 2:47pm
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He lives out of town, unfortunately. We both agreed we are ok with long distance relationship.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  May 2,2010, 3:10pm
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You need to get out of the eH OC system and move on to something real. You can still save it, I think. Just ask him to call you or e-mail using a "regular" e-mail address.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #5  May 2,2010, 3:18pm
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hankscorpio wrote :
If you think he's worth meeting then maybe it's time to suggest that?
Edenshire wrote :
He lives out of town, unfortunately. We both agreed we are ok with long distance relationship.
That's fine, but still you really don't have a relationship until you meet.

AndieIsMe wrote :
You need to get out of the eH OC system and move on to something real. You can still save it, I think. Just ask him to call you or e-mail using a "regular" e-mail address.
I understand that with a LDR, getting together quickly is difficult, and if you don't want to do that immediately, you really need to move on to a more advanced form of communication.

I don't know what kind of messages you're exchanging, but if they are really, really long messages, they get tiring quickly for me. I try to keep my messages short and to the point. I also don't like the "20 questions" or "interrogation" emails and I don't think that I'm the only guy that falls into that camp.

Also, don't lose the forest for the trees on this. He seems to be answering your messages and bouncing the same question back to you.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #6  May 3,2010, 6:51am
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I would give skype a try for a first coffee meeting. It's not the same as meeting in person, but it's close enough to get an idea of whether you want to meet for real and you can both drink coffee and pretend yer at Starbucks if you wanta.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  May 3,2010, 8:29am
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Edenshire wrote :
We got to open communication, exchanged 5-6 messages, but they got worse every time. I really like him and I thought he liked me, too. Maybe I'm reading into this too much but every message he sends gets shorter and more distant. At first he asked me question and elaborated on answers to my questions, but the last message or 2 was just him answering mine and saying "what about you?" Does this mean he's lost interest? He responds within a day most of the time and hasn't closed me out, but I feel like he's not there anymore.

Also, what's the normal progression of eharmony? How many messages are usually exchanged before the first phone call? meeting? long distance meeting? etc? I am new and just curious.

Thanks!
Since I am not reading your messages to him nor his to you it is a little hard to say exactly what is going on. However, when I have a match that answers my questions with only one or two sentences and never actually takes any time to ask me anything then I figure she is not all that interested in me and I quickly lose interest as the communication is very one sided.

As for a time line I will suggest meeting in person after about a week of OC messages or about 5 or 6 messages. I have better luck if I have never talked on the phone prior to meeting. Of course for a long distance match would take longer to get to the meeting stage and you would probably want to talk on the phone regularly before meeting. The suggestion of Skype is a good one for an LDR or you can use the voice and video features of Yahoo! IM or any of the other IM programs.

If the distance is not too great and is only a couple of hours drive I would expect that you should meet within a week or two after getting to OC. And you may choose to both drive to some mid way point for the first meeting. When the distance requires planes and hotels then the time required to arrange a first meeting is going to be longer.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  May 3,2010, 9:42am
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If he wasn't interested, he probably wouldn't be replying at all.

Some people just aren't into asking lots of questions.

I agree with the others- it's time to move to the phone or in person and see if there's anything there with this guy.
 
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123noname789 is offline 123noname789 Post #9  May 3,2010, 11:28am
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I’ve been on eHarmony for some three or four separate stints. I’ve never found the advantage of lengthy and voluminous e-mails once in OC. I use the OC to either, A) move to the phone or B) set up a first meeting, even if that is a distance of an hour and half to two hours drive.

Reason is, e-mails give you information, but no tone, and can’t tell how the other person is reacting or how you click. I’ve had plenty of good e-mail ’volleys’ only to fall flat when we hit the phone. While phone calls help, they too can be misleading. Just these last two weeks, I had a match I talked with for almost two hours on the phone. She was definitely a match I felt I clicked with more than any other in the last month or two. She was a two hour drive away but was not able to meet in the middle. So, ‘no time like the present’ I set up a meeting. Well, it was a dud, nooooo chemistry. Nobody’s fault, but I felt everything that worked on the phone escaped us when we met, it was like meeting a total stranger.

As other have said, it’s all talk UNTIL you meet !
Last edited by 123noname789; May 3,2010 at 11:30am.
 
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