please critique my profile


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
ben2010 is offline ben2010 Post #1  May 2,2010, 12:53pm
ben2010's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 15

See profile

The one thing Ben is most passionate about: I'm very into beer, I know it sounds terrible but don't think "joe 6 pack". Instead please understand I am interested in the historical significance, the science behind, and the marketing associated to beer , as well as food pairings or any other current relevance of ...beer. This passion has led me to my recent dream job as a brewer.
The most important thing Ben is looking for in a person is: Integrity







Basic Information

Occupation: I am a brewer in a small craft brewery Age: 28 Height: 5' 10" Wants Kids: Yes Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic Religion: Spiritual, but not religious Drinks: Several times a week Smokes: A few times a year

In my own words

The most influential person in Ben's life has been:

My old roommate Jon. His positive attitude and optimistic outlook influenced my view on life.


The three things which Ben is most thankful for:

  • family
  • friends
  • job

Three of Ben's best life-skills are:

  • Socializing
  • Finding creative solutions to everyday problems
  • Finding and taking on challenging activities


The one thing Ben wishes MORE people would notice about him is:

I genuinely try to practice the ethic of reciprocity


The things Ben can't live without are:

  • Bike
  • Friends
  • Good food
  • Outdoors / woods
  • craft beer


The first thing people notice about Ben is:

My vocabulary.


My interests

Ben typically spends his leisure time:

Disk Golf, BBQ ing with friends,Biking. Building / tinkering .

The last book Ben read and enjoyed:

The Sea wolf by Jack London A wealthy book critic falls out of his plush boat and is picked up by a working boat, the cruel captain enjoys making him work, for the first time in his life, but he learns what he is really made of.


According to my friends:

Ben's friends describe him as:

  • Funny
  • Easy-Going
  • Articulate
  • Intelligent
 
  Reply With Quote
truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #2  May 2,2010, 2:05pm
truthaboutcup…'s Avatar

34 and loving life!

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2010

New York, NY

Posts: 127

See profile

ben2010 wrote :
The one thing Ben is most passionate about: I'm very into beer, I know it sounds terrible but don't think "joe 6 pack". Instead please understand I am interested in the historical significance, the science behind, and the marketing associated to beer , as well as food pairings or any other current relevance of ...beer. This passion has led me to my recent dream job as a brewer. Good opening...different
The most important thing Ben is looking for in a person is: Integrity Fairly standard, may want to say some more here to amplify this thought or give a "secondary" thing that may be a little more unique while clearly stating that integrity is most important.






Basic Information

Occupation: I am a brewer in a small craft brewery Age: 28 Height: 5' 10" (Just don't lie about your height..women go nuts)
Wants Kids: Yes Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic Religion: Spiritual, but not religious Drinks: Several times a week Smokes: A few times a year

In my own words

The most influential person in Ben's life has been:

My old roommate Jon. His positive attitude and optimistic outlook influenced my view on life. How? Are you more like him now?


The three things which Ben is most thankful for:

  • family (cliche)
  • friends(cliche)
  • job(cliche)

Three of Ben's best life-skills are:

  • Socializing
  • Finding creative solutions to everyday problems
  • Finding and taking on challenging activities


The one thing Ben wishes MORE people would notice about him is:

I genuinely try to practice the ethic of reciprocity What is this? The golden rule?


The things Ben can't live without are:

  • Bike (Motorcycle or "Bike" bike)
  • Friends (friends typically aren't "things" but people, Plus you have already mentioned them above)
  • Good food (How about more specific...ex. "Good food--especially ____")
  • Outdoors / woods
  • craft beer


The first thing people notice about Ben is:

My vocabulary. (Good or bad? This could mean you cuss like a Sailor....not that there is anything wrong with that haha)


My interests

Ben typically spends his leisure time:

Disk Golf, BBQ ing with friends,Biking. Building / tinkering .(You could say more here as in where you like to go biking, what you like to tinker with, or where you like to play disk golf...and maybe what it is for the women who may not know)

The last book Ben read and enjoyed:

The Sea wolf by Jack London A wealthy book critic falls out of his plush boat and is picked up by a working boat, the cruel captain enjoys making him work, for the first time in his life, but he learns what he is really made of.


According to my friends:

Ben's friends describe him as:

  • Funny
  • Easy-Going
  • Articulate
  • Intelligent











Good luck, bro
 
  Reply With Quote
eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  May 2,2010, 2:17pm

Moderator

Joined: Sep 2008

Pasadena, California

Posts: 1,814

See profile

Hi Ben2010,

Welcome to eHarmony Advice and thanks for “submitting” your profile for feedback. I think the people will have excellent feedback to offer.

I do have some suggestions. It’s unique to see someone who is passionate about beer (as far as a vocation). That’s going to make you stand out from other matches who have more main-stream jobs. It’s understandable that you’d be concerned that your matches would jump to the conclusion that you’re an alcoholic, but you may want to consider leaving that part out. Ironically, sometimes when a word is mentioned in a profile, even if it’s negated, it could get across the idea of “defensiveness”. Your passion is legitimate, so you don't have to defend it.

You may even want to elaborate a little more on the history and making of beer – for example, what effect has it had on people in cultures? What have the social implications been that interest you? What is it about beer and beer-making that makes you so passionate about it? It may help to explain, so that your matches can connect with your passion a little more.

Regarding the qualities that you’re looking for in another person – integrity is an important quality, but this answer is only one word, and could be interpreted in various ways. If you go with complete sentences and get even more specific, you have a better chance of catching a match’s attention – a match that you would really get along with.

I really like the part about your roommate – it’s simple, but clear and says a lot about your character and what’s important to you.

The “ethic of reciprocity” is intriguing and unique. You may want to add an example to make it stand out and catch more interest. It also might be clearer with an example.

Your “leisure time” activities are actually really interesting to me. The only thing is that you may want to consider writing them in sentence form rather than a list so that they’re more "readable", like conversation-style.

I am also intrigued by the “My vocabulary” answer. This is another one that might be more interesting with an example, story, or quip.
Good choice of book – I think that’s another one that is indicative of who you are and what interests you.

The “5 things” is one that you might elaborate a little on or get more specific. The goal here is to catch the interest of the best matches and “entice” them to respond because you have so much to offer and you have so much in common.

Good luck and I hope to see you in the discussions!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
  Reply With Quote
ben2010 is offline ben2010 Post #4  May 2,2010, 2:24pm
ben2010's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 15

See profile

Wow, thanks for the quick answers. I'll go tune my profile per your recommendations.
 
  Reply With Quote
truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #5  May 2,2010, 2:33pm
truthaboutcup…'s Avatar

34 and loving life!

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2010

New York, NY

Posts: 127

See profile

You are welcome. Please understand that my advice is just my opinion. Kate's probably has more value.

But we are all on this sinking ship together. And I put "being positive" as my best trait
 
  Reply With Quote
eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  May 2,2010, 2:38pm

Moderator

Joined: Sep 2008

Pasadena, California

Posts: 1,814

See profile

truthaboutcupid wrote :
You are welcome. Please understand that my advice is just my opinion. Kate's probably has more value.

But we are all on this sinking ship together. And I put "being positive" as my best trait
LOL Truthaboutcupid - all opinions count around here. Good luck, Ben2010 and stick around for more entertaining and informative topics!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
  Reply With Quote
Edenshire is offline Edenshire Post #7  May 2,2010, 2:44pm
Edenshire's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 11

See profile

Being passionate about all things beer, paired with drinks a few times a week sounds a little iffy. I understand you don't mean you are a bar-going drunkard, but we women have dealt with so many of them that you description is a big red flag. Try saying you're passionate about your job, and explain the rest later?
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  May 2,2010, 3:01pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

ben2010 wrote :
The one thing Ben is most passionate about: I'm very into beer, I know it sounds terrible but don't think "joe 6 pack". Instead please understand I am interested in the historical significance, the science behind, and the marketing associated to beer , as well as food pairings or any other current relevance of ...beer. This passion has led me to my recent dream job as a brewer.
This just needs a tiny bit of rewording. Just a minor edit or two would make this read easier. And joe 6 pack could mean that you have washboard abs, could it not?


ben2010 wrote :
The most important thing Ben is looking for in a person is: Integrity
And? You really need to expand this. One word answers are a HUGE turn off. What kind of integrity. What is your definition. How do you identify it within someone else?

ben2010 wrote :
In my own words

The most influential person in Ben's life has been:

My old roommate Jon. His positive attitude and optimistic outlook influenced my view on life.
Not bad, but you can expand this as well. He was positive how? Optimistic how? Is he still a part of your life?


ben2010 wrote :
The three things which Ben is most thankful for:

  • family
  • friends
  • job
You have some room to expand these. They are very commonplace as well. You have a chance to explain these things just a little more.


ben2010 wrote :
The one thing Ben wishes MORE people would notice about him is:

I genuinely try to practice the ethic of reciprocity
Punctuation. And as good as this short answer is, it is still short. But, how does someone notice this in you?


ben2010 wrote :
The things Ben can't live without are:

  • Bike
  • Friends
  • Good food
  • Outdoors / woods
  • craft beer
You've now mentioned beer several times in your profile. Not only with the word "beer" but including that as the job and that you like your job. Another missed chance to show something more.


ben2010 wrote :
The first thing people notice about Ben is:

My vocabulary.
Really? How so? Not really using it here, are you? Sorry to be kinda snarky, but "showing" vs. "telling" is always preferred.


ben2010 wrote :
My interests

Ben typically spends his leisure time:

Disk Golf, BBQ ing with friends,Biking. Building / tinkering .
Ha! I was expecting to read something about beer here. Expand a little on each item. You play disk golf every weekend? Biking as sport?


ben2010 wrote :
The last book Ben read and enjoyed:

The Sea wolf by Jack London A wealthy book critic falls out of his plush boat and is picked up by a working boat, the cruel captain enjoys making him work, for the first time in his life, but he learns what he is really made of.
I like this. Shows you have a mind and aren't just stuck in "guy" mode.


I noticed you don't have your "additional info" section listed. Please don't leave this blank or put in another one word answer or N/A.

Overall a good profile that needs some tweaking.
 
  Reply With Quote
ben2010 is offline ben2010 Post #9  May 2,2010, 3:52pm
ben2010's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 15

See profile

The one thing Ben is most passionate about: I'm very into beer, I know it sounds terrible but don't think "joe 6 pack". Instead please understand I am interested in the historical significance, the science behind, and the marketing associated to beer , as well as food pairings or any other current relevance of ...beer. This passion has led me to my recent dream job as a brewer.


The most important thing Ben is looking for in a person is: Integrity . Someone who does what they said they would and behaves in agreement with there stated values. Someone who expects people to do what they said they will and to act in accordance to there stated values.


Basic Information

Occupation: I am a brewer in a small craft brewery Age: 28 Height: 5' 10" Wants Kids: Yes Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic Religion: Spiritual, but not religious Drinks: Several times a week Smokes: A few times a year

In my own words

The most influential person in Ben's life has been:

My old roommate Jon. His positive attitude and optimistic outlook influenced my view on life.I credit him for elements of my optimism.


The three things which Ben is most thankful for:

  • family
  • friends
  • job

Three of Ben's best life-skills are:

  • Socializing
  • Finding creative solutions to everyday problems
  • Finding and taking on challenging activities


The one thing Ben wishes MORE people would notice about him is:

I genuinely try to practice the ethic of reciprocity. (the golden rule) For example I don't play mind games. I won't wait an arbitrary number of days to call. I will tell you what I would want to be told and will leave a mystery details Id not like to know. Not only in the dating scene but as a way of life.


The things Ben can't live without are:

  • My bicycle
  • a network of good people
  • Good food both healthy and tasty
  • Outdoors / woods
  • Google, seriously how did we live before it?


The first thing people notice about Ben is:

My vocabulary ranges the whole spectrum from the four lettered and beeped out of network television to dated parlance. With a good deal of jargon and slang in between.


My interests

Ben typically spends his leisure time:

I enjoy playing disk golf, I try to BBQ with friends at every opportunity,I just got a new mountain bike and have been discovering new trails weekly. I also enjoy building / tinkering in the garage anything from routine maintenance to carpentry .

The last book Ben read and enjoyed:

The Sea wolf by Jack London A wealthy book critic falls out of his plush boat and is picked up by a working boat, the cruel captain enjoys making him work, for the first time in his life, but he learns what he is really made of.


According to my friends:

Ben's friends describe him as:

  • Funny
  • Easy-Going
  • Articulate
  • Intelligent
 
  Reply With Quote
jenny_926 is offline jenny_926 Post #10  May 2,2010, 4:39pm
jenny_926's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 32

See profile

I think the changes you made improve your profile greatly. I think it reads as a well-written and interesting profile.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Continuing communication with a non-subscribing match after a FCW | Using eHarmony | confused in eHarmony land lol »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Profile critique, redux Catsetc Using eHarmony 4 June 5,2010 12:55pm
Can someone volunteer to critique my profile? Pics as well? justme27 Using eHarmony 7 February 27,2010 5:28am
Please help and critique away on my profile! dbgirl Using eHarmony 11 January 7,2010 8:01pm
critique my profile? Rena450 Using eHarmony 13 September 14,2009 8:48pm
Help critique my profile please! mistywithachanceofrain Using eHarmony 19 August 14,2009 1:01pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:43pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0