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livinitupregardless is offline livinitupregardless Post #1  May 1,2010, 10:43am

Moving out soon and excited

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Joined: Apr 2010

Winston-Salem, NC

Posts: 9

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First off i suppose I should articulate that I've never dated before. Only one guy has ever asked me out, but I knew already that that would never work out. My family has moved a number of times while I was growing up, we moved here to NC just a year ago, and I don't have long-standing friends. It's a little painful, and at eighteen I'm now beginning to feel the weight of being alone all the time. Both my sisters moved out, and I'm stuck with myself in a private school that is rather cult-ish and which I would reather not mingle in too much. I know I'm a nice girl, as I make friends quickly, yet to everyone I am an aquaintence right now. I need a best friend, and it's about time I learned to give in a relationship and be special for someone else. It's gotten to where it stings a little when I seat a young couple at the resturant where I work, and I came here wanting to prove to myself that I have just as much right as anyone else to have a relationship with someone. I've been here two weeks now.

Thing most passionate about:
I like feeling I've accomplished something, or have done it to the best of my ability. Activities I enjoy include rock climbing, martial arts, and writing. Still, I love new things as well. With music, I enjoy such bands as Rise Against, Skillet, and The Offspring. I may not be a good singer, but I love singing in my car anyway. Something I do when alone is think on the finer points in life and how they work/are connected, then find corrolations with God's word.

Looking for in a person:
Someone who is firstly a practical partner in life, resoning through decisions and trials, and secondly a friend for the good times... Someone who cares about the future and where God want us, and someone that needs a person like me, so I can share with them.

Most influencial person:
My big sister, Amz. Without her and her crazy, spontanious nature, I may have been doomed to be a completely cynical person who's all about work and perfection. She taught me how crazy even I am inside, and how importaint it is to take time for myself and appreciate the world as God has given it to us. Oh yeah, and to recognize the place abstract things have in life.

Most thankful for:

What senses we DO have to learn about the world around us... if only we had more. Knowing someone so well, they become a part of yourself; a different and new part (and vise versa) Purpose, drive, and finding fun in that.

Three life skills:
Using humor to make friends laugh
Achieving personal goals
Raising and/or caring for children

Wishes more people knew:
That I really just want to understand everything from an objective point of view, and that I don't care if I'm the one that's right, but only that the right answer comes out on top in the end.

Can't live without:
Purpose (for which I look to God)
Learning
Creating
Exploring
Sharing smiles

First thing noticed about me:
Probably that I am practical, schedualed, and task-oriented. I have no trouble quickly answering a spoken issue with a possible resolution, though I sometimes forget to iterate that my thoughts are theory and not final. I also tend to occasionally toss in a bit of dry humor, or play a quick joke on someone. (hint: keep an eye on your hat > ) and adapt well to various social situations.

Leasure time spent:
Chores and such are a given. When resting, I write in my book (science-fiction) or read a good book (fiction or educational... I like some textbooks). Or... I completely lose myself staring at the stars, a campfire, or the ceiling in thought or open conversation. Or... Hit my punching bag. To me, it's a mental rest.

Described as:
Modest
Passionate
Intelligent
Sweet

When I first joined, someone started communicating with me. Needless to say, I was really excited as I'm not used to being approached that way, yet I tried to hide my inexperience as best I could. I figure I'll bring that up later. He didn't send me many e-mails though, and I finally convinced myself he had found someone else, then he asked my number. Casually as possible, I gave it to him and said when I was avalible. He didn't call at that time, but many hours later he texted me. That was a week ago, I haven't heard from him since. (I did try to start another text conversation myself about 30 hours later)
Then someone else sent me an icebreaker. I "nudged" for them to put up their photos and they put six the next day. I liked this person's profile even better and decided to send a communication prompt myself... three days ago. Again, no response. I've tried communicating with others, yet it's like talking to walls. they don't even close the matches. I've been matched with about 30-35 people... why and I getting the cold shoulder/being flaked out on?? I'm not desperate or clingy, and don't come off that way. I'm glad if they found someone they like (even if it's not me) but wouldn't they let me know?
Last edited by livinitupregardless; May 2,2010 at 2:54pm.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 1,2010, 11:13am
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Hi Livin and welcome to EHA!

I'll respond to your last questions first ... a lot of people "poof" or flake or just don't communicate. Don't take it personally.

It's important to remember that until you meet someone, they're a stranger. Don't get overly involved with someone you haven't met in person and started getting to know. Your matches are just blips out in cyberspace, until then.

Now your profile ... it's a good one. It gives a clear image of you, it's not generic. You need to use spellcheck. A few comments below...

livinitupregardless wrote :

Thing most passionate about:
I like feeling I've accomplished something, or have done it to the best of my ability. Activities I enjoy include rock climbing, martial arts, and writing. Still, I love new things as well. With music, I enjoy such bands as Rise Against, Skillet, and The Offspring. I may not be a good singer, but I love singing in my car anyway. Something I do when alone is think on the finer points in life and how they work/are connected, then find corrolations correlations with God's word.

Can you boil this down? This is the most important paragraph. What truly defines who you are? I'd delete the bands ... move them to Leisure Activities, unless really you are a groupie and they are at the center of your life! This section is Most Passionate, not just interests.

Looking for in a person:
Someone who is firstly a practical partner in life, resoning reasoning through decisions and trials, and secondly a friend for the good times... Someone who cares about the future and where God want wants us, and someone that needs a person like me, so I can share with them.

Most influencial person:
My big sister, Amz. Without her and her crazy, spontanious spontaneous nature, I may have been doomed to be a completely cynical person who's all about work and perfection. She taught me how crazy even I am inside, and how importaint important it is to take time for myself and appreciate the world as God has given it to us. Oh yeah, and to recognize the place abstract things have in life.

Most thankful for:
What senses we DO have to learn about the world around us... if only we had more. Knowing someone so well, they become a part of yourself; a different and new part (and vise versa) These 2 sentences don't seem to go together. What are you trying to get at? Reword.
Purpose, drive, and finding fun in that.

Three life skills:
Using humor to make friends laugh
Achieving personal goals
Raising and/or caring for children

Wishes more people knew:
That I really just want to understand everything from an objective point of view, and that I don't care if I'm the one that's right, but only that the right answer comes out on top in the end.

Can't live without:
Purpose (for which I look to God)
Learning
Creating
Exploring
Sharing smiles

First thing noticed about me:
Probably that I am practical, schedualed, schedule and task-oriented. I have no trouble quickly answering a spoken issue with a possible resolution, though I sometimes forget to iterate wrong word -- "say"? that my thoughts are theory and not final. I also tend to occasionally toss in a bit of dry humor, or play a quick joke on someone. (hint: keep an eye on your hat > ) and adapt well to various social situations.

Leasure time spent:
Chores and such are a given. When resting, I write in my book (science-fiction) or read a good book (fiction or educational... I like some textbooks). Or... I completely lose myself staring at the stars, a campfire, or the ceiling in thought or open conversation. Or... Hit my punching bag. To me, it's a mental rest.

Described as:
Modest
Passionate
Intelligent
Sweet
 
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livinitupregardless is offline livinitupregardless Post #3  May 1,2010, 12:13pm

Moving out soon and excited

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

Winston-Salem, NC

Posts: 9

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Ak... spelling. When I get to typing I tend to make those careless mistakes, thanks for pointing it out. Also, I see your point in that some things are vague, and fixed those as well.
*sigh* I try to keep my distance from people on the internet, yet I also want to give them the benefit of the doubt. I'll have to keep working on that balance, I suppose.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  May 2,2010, 6:23am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Orlando, FL

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livinitupregardless the first thing you need is a (((( BIG HUG )))).

Now I will address what you did not ask about. You are 18 and still in high school, I guess graduating in a few weeks. You say that you make friends easily but are not interested in being part of the cliquish groups at your private school. So make friends outside of school, both male and female friends. Since you are graduating from high school soon go on to college. Make friends there. You have some of the best universities around right close to you.

At 18 you don't need eHarmony or a serious relationship. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you for developing a relationship. Take time now to build the life that you want for yourself so that you can go into a future relationship as a whole person in yourself, educated and self sufficient . At this time in your life date for the purposes of 1. finding out about other people 2. finding out about yourself and 3. for the fun of the date in and of itself.

I am going to make a bunch of people here mad and recommend that you may find the book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud useful.
 
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truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #5  May 2,2010, 2:16pm
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34 and loving life!

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Joined: Apr 2010

New York, NY

Posts: 127

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18? Oh my. Um, my opinion? You should not be on eHarmony but good luck either way.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  May 2,2010, 2:36pm

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Pasadena, California

Posts: 1,814

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Hi Livinitupregardless,

Thanks for posting and welcome to eHarmony Advice! Sorry to hear about the “sting”. I’m sure that many people in this community can relate to that feeling. It sounds like you are facing other challenging situations in your life too. Kudos to you for “livin it up regardless”!

I actually think that Sassafras54 has already done an excellent job of critiquing. I would agree with some of the feedback she gave as well as doing a spell check. But those are things you already know.

As far as never having dating – don’t worry about it, many, many people haven’t started dating at 18. You’re in good company. I think that eHarmony can be a VERY good place for you to start your dating experiences, but it really depends upon the way you approach it and what kinds of expectations you have during that approach.

And yes, I’m a little biased working for eHarmony , but the Guided Communication design actually includes the questions that you should be asking yourself and your potential dates as you search. So it’s a guided process of discovery, which could really help you as you start out.

Also, you may want to take a look at this article I wrote from a while ago. I hope it helps you determine how you may best approach your eHarmony experience:

Two Dating Approaches: Which Will Work for You?

You may even want to include how you’re going to approach your dating life on your profile, because this could help you draw the type of matches that would be best for you.

All the best,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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livinitupregardless is offline livinitupregardless Post #7  May 2,2010, 3:02pm

Moving out soon and excited

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

Winston-Salem, NC

Posts: 9

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Thanks all for the input. Yes, I know I'm on the younger spectrum of Eharmony users, yet since I'm not in the habit of "coming off" as avalible in person I figured this may be a good way to go so I can be mentally prepared when I meet someone. Anytime I just meet a person rendomly I automatically assume they're already taken... Plus this way I can more easily weed out the definite "no"s for their upfront profiles.

@ Katie,
Ah yes, the enthusiastic moderator. Don't worry, I'm glad that you're full willing to back up the product you endorse. I would like to thank you for the link to the advice thread, it's a good read not only for a view of myself but to see what other sort of mindsets are out there that I may be dealing with. The encouragment is also well appreciated. Really. And since you work for the site, I'll let you know that I'm a big fan of the guided communication technique. It's not nearly so awkward as other methods and it really gets people's minds going in the right direction rather than getting distracted and caught up in "small talk" and losing interest all-together. As an aspiring, someday psychologist, I see the value in the system.
 
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margaret18 is offline margaret18 Post #8  May 2,2010, 5:35pm
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back home, this must be the place

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Joined: Apr 2010

NY

Posts: 350

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Your profile is lovely.. especially the way you write about God in your life.

You mention "I'm not in the habit of "coming off" as avalible in person I figured this may be a good way to go so I can be mentally prepared when I meet someone." You are really brave and creative to take the step of going on eharmony, but the best way to learn these skills is in person with people around you. Is your school a girls school? I've had that problem. Could you talk to the older sister you mentioned? It may be that someone around you can point out the opportunities to meet men in real life that may not be obvious to you.

Good luck to you. Everyone takes that first step at some point, and it is nice when it can happen as naturally as possible.
 
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ben2010 is offline ben2010 Post #9  May 2,2010, 6:16pm
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I think your profile is great! among the most interesting ive read!
good luck!
Ben
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #10  May 2,2010, 6:44pm

Isn't afraid to tell you what he thinks of you.

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Posts: 1,198

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It's a cute and charming profile, Livinitupregardless. Assuming you have a good picture and your settings aren't set too stringently you'll probably have no problem getting communication.

The most important thing is to make sure you're not pigeonholing yourself on age.

Yeah, you're 18, you're probably not going to find too many 18 year old guys on eH, though, so you might have to be willing to meet guys somewhat older than what you'd normally be interested in (and no, I don't mean 30+ year old guys - unless you're purely looking for someone to use for pissing your parents off).

Those two things and I'm sure you won't have trouble for much longer.

Good luck.
 
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