Brutal Honesty needed! I have not been pleased with responses! Help!


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
blackburn0829 is offline blackburn0829 Post #1  May 1,2010, 4:59am
blackburn0829's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

South Carolina

Posts: 3

See profile

Here is my profile: Suggestions? Do you think I talk about my children too much - am I too sarcastic? I just have not gotten the responses I have been looking for - and I've been wondering if it's my location, my profile, my pics.... Thanks very much for any help you can offer!!

The one thing mary is most passionate about: fficeffice" />
Helping my teenage boys grow into emotionally healthy men and aiding them in pursuing their life dreams; And I'm very passionate about travel (every stage - from the planning to the incredible feeling of returning to your own bed after long weary travels) and my yoga practice which gives me a positive outlook on life and truly provides me with a sense of self!
The most important thing mary is looking for in a person is:
A loving, self-aware man who is passionate about his life's work and interested in pursuing a committed dynamic partnership; willing to be true to himself and who is honest, curious, and above all possesses integrity. Confident,but not cocky; Successful, but not self-absorbed; Fit, but not obsessed; Strong, but sensitive! Is that TOO much to ask for (:
Basic Information
Occupation: Marketing/Communications
Age: 47
Height: 5’5”
Wants Kids: No
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity:: White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks: About once a week
Smokes: Never

Most Influential Person:
My three sons!
The three things which mary is most thankful for:
· My three teenage sons
· Vibrant health
· All of my life experiences (wonderful and imperfect) and the friendships/relationships that I have had, that make up who I am today.
Three of mary's best life-skills are:
· Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
· Creating romance in a relationship
· Creating a peaceful, beautiful home environment
The one thing mary wishes MORE people would notice about her is:
As independent as I am, I love to be taken care of too!
The things mary can't live without are:
· Travel
· Good food and wine
· A beautiful home as my sanctuary
· Books
· Dreams and inspiration
The first thing people notice about mary is:
Candor
Some additional information mary wanted you to know is:
I may live quite a distance from matches - but there are many wonderful aspects to long-distance relationship; my schedule is flexible and allows me time away - and I live in a beautiful place to visit!!
mary typically spends her leisure time:
[FONT=Arial]Yoga, ffice:smarttags" />
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  May 1,2010, 5:38am

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

i think you sound wonderful.

but, i think it's a little redundant to mention your sons 3 seperate times- some men might be concerned that you don't have room in your life for a 4th, lol.

 
  Reply With Quote
jenny_926 is offline jenny_926 Post #3  May 1,2010, 5:51am
jenny_926's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 32

See profile

I think your profile is very well written, but I think mentioning your sons as what you are passionate about, what you are most thankful for, and most inspirational makes you sound very one-dimensional. I don't think you come across as sarcastic at all. What you've written seems very genuine.
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  May 1,2010, 5:55am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,429

See profile

blackburn0829 wrote :
Here is my profile: Suggestions? Do you think I talk about my children too much - am I too sarcastic? I just have not gotten the responses I have been looking for - and I've been wondering if it's my location, my profile, my pics.... Thanks very much for any help you can offer!!

The one thing mary is most passionate about:
Helping my teenage boys grow into emotionally healthy men and aiding them in pursuing their life dreams; And I'm very passionate about travel (every stage - from the planning to the incredible feeling of returning to your own bed after long weary travels) and my yoga practice which gives me a positive outlook on life and truly provides me with a sense of self!
I'm a dad myself, but the "grow into emotionally healthy men" part here is a little too "Dr. Phil-ish" for me....maybe tone it down a bit...
The most important thing mary is looking for in a person is:
A loving, self-aware man who is passionate about his life's work and interested in pursuing a committed dynamic partnership; willing to be true to himself and who is honest, curious, and above all possesses integrity. Confident,but not cocky; Successful, but not self-absorbed; Fit, but not obsessed; Strong, but sensitive! Is that TOO much to ask for
Basic Information
Occupation: Marketing/Communications
Age: 47
Height: 5’5”
Wants Kids: No
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity:: White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks: About once a week
Smokes: Never

Most Influential Person:
My three sons!
I know you mean well, but I'd list SOMEONE else here, if not for the reason you've got your kids below this part also...
The three things which mary is most thankful for:
· My three teenage sons
· Vibrant health
· All of my life experiences (wonderful and imperfect) and the friendships/relationships that I have had, that make up who I am today.
Three of mary's best life-skills are:
· Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
· Creating romance in a relationship
· Creating a peaceful, beautiful home environment
The one thing mary wishes MORE people would notice about her is:
As independent as I am, I love to be taken care of too!
The things mary can't live without are:
· Travel
· Good food and wine
· A beautiful home as my sanctuary
· Books
· Dreams and inspiration
The first thing people notice about mary is:
Candor
Expand a bit on this....most people are really unfamiliar with this word, and it's one of those words which can have so many meanings to different people, so give an example of why you think people first notice this about you.

Some additional information mary wanted you to know is:
I may live quite a distance from matches - but there are many wonderful aspects to long-distance relationship; my schedule is flexible and allows me time away - and I live in a beautiful place to visit!!
this makes it sound like you ONLY want to date men who are long distance from you.... Is that your intent??
mary typically spends her leisure time:
Yoga, Reading Gardening, Watching sports (live and TV), Cooking
The last book mary read and enjoyed:
Freedom in Exile by the Dalai Lama - his autobiography; simple and compelling. His compassion in the face of the atrocities committed to his land, people and culture is astounding.
mary's friends describe her as:
· Perceptive
· Thoughtful
· Genuine
· Creative


, curious, and above all possesses integrity. Confident,but not cocky; Succes
for the most part, looks good.
I took out the smileys incl. from Word...

Do you always write your name in lower case??

Anyway...my thoughts are in red....except for the part about "candor" I couldn't change that color for some reason??
Last edited by TheThinker; May 1,2010 at 6:05am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Iconography is offline Iconography Post #5  May 1,2010, 5:55am
Iconography's Avatar

got her own goat!

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 1,182

See profile

I don't have time to offer a full critique, but I notice that your profile says you do not have children living at home, yet your passion is raising your teenage boys.
 
  Reply With Quote
truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #6  May 1,2010, 5:56am
truthaboutcup…'s Avatar

34 and loving life!

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2010

New York, NY

Posts: 127

See profile

Fist: I hate when people say "Should I not include so much about ____?" What that sometimes can translate to is "Should I not be so....ME?" Yes, your sons are important to you and an important part of your life. That comes across. But, if they are, then why hide it solely to get more responses, only to be let down in the long run with a man that can't handle the importance your sons are to you in your life? Make sense??? Use your best judgment here on how much you limit them. You could be more specific to differentiate the "sons" comment sections. For example, for most influential, you could amplify WHY your sons have been that way with a different example from another time you mentioned them in your profile. Just a suggestion

Second: Okay, this is my personal issue. Gold-digging. I am a successful 34 year old male and I HIDE it as best I can in my profile. I want to weed out the women looking for a free ticket and like me for me. In addition, if a woman's profile says "I like to shop," she will most likely be closed faster than I can login. Is this judgmental? Yup. Is this my choice? Yup. It's the baggage I and many other men carry from previous failed relationships where we have been taken to the cleaners in the spirit of "chilvary". So for some brutal honesty (please don't shoot the messenger), take the following points all put together:

Successful, but not self-absorbed;
As independent as I am, I love to be taken care of too
Travel
Good food and wine
A beautiful home

It sounds like you like "nice" (expensive) things and like to be pampered. Nothing wrong with that if you do, but it can fend off SOME men who see the amount of money it will take to please you. Couple that money expense with them having to claw for attention away from your sons' lives (just the impression your profile gives without explaining you have time to offer a partner) AND travel long distances to see you (long-distance relationships mentioned)....you wonder why some guys are just saying "Why bother? Too much effort" Well, at least the good looking guys with more than one option on eH are saying that because........

If an attractive, fun, successful guy has two options--one is a woman who lives far away, doesn't appear to have much time to give him, and seems to be someone who may be expensive to impress--the other lives closer, may not be quite as attractive as she is attentive, and is low-maintenance--he will choose the second option more often than not. Just my opinion.

So honestly, that's the impression I got (right or wrong) from your profile. Obviously, without seeing the pics, it's hard to judge if those are a problem.

I hope you take this as JUST ONE MAN'S VIEW. Others may disagree and that's what makes the world go 'round! Best of luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
blackburn0829 is offline blackburn0829 Post #7  May 1,2010, 6:01am
blackburn0829's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

South Carolina

Posts: 3

See profile

Iconography wrote :
I don't have time to offer a full critique, but I notice that your profile says you do not have children living at home, yet your passion is raising your teenage boys.
Thank you for pointing this out - I just noticed this myself and am wondering if this is a newish feature bec I don't remember seeing it before. I tried to go in and edit my Profile, but cannot find where it asks that question - just the question about Wanting Kids?
 
  Reply With Quote
truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #8  May 1,2010, 6:12am
truthaboutcup…'s Avatar

34 and loving life!

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2010

New York, NY

Posts: 127

See profile

Go to the "Home" tab and on the left side, mid way down is a link that says "Personal Preferences" Click that and find the section that says "Number of kids under 18 living at home" and change the number from 0 to 3.
 
  Reply With Quote
blackburn0829 is offline blackburn0829 Post #9  May 1,2010, 6:25am
blackburn0829's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

South Carolina

Posts: 3

See profile

LOL! You may be one man's view - but I appreciate your comments and honesty and I think you're quite insightful. Just to be devil's advocate for a minute - at the start of your post you state (and I summarize) - why hide something if it's important... Well those finer things in life are important to me and I want to be as honest and upfront as possible. I put the "I like to be taken care of ..." in there because I didn't want to come across as this overly independent, take-charge type of woman. It was meant as more of an invitation to be in a relationship where I'm not the primary decision maker - and less a comment about material pampering!
I AM actually very attentive - and I need to make that come across because I am good at that and I enjoy that part of a relationship.
Thanks again -
 
  Reply With Quote
truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #10  May 1,2010, 6:49am
truthaboutcup…'s Avatar

34 and loving life!

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2010

New York, NY

Posts: 127

See profile

BINGO---my intent was to give you the impression you gave me, and how maybe you can reword or retool some of your thoughts to make it fit what you were really trying to say, not how I (or maybe other men) may interpret it. That's what makes seeing it through the lens of different men so important sometimes. You can say, "that's not what I meant!" and tweak it just enough so that you are clear with what you meant so as not to give off the wrong impression.

As for liking the finer things, nothing wrong with that. It just may limit your options. Definitely don't hide it if it is who you are. BUT I have seen plenty of women say they like finer things and also add that they don't need a man to support their habit.....now THAT's what I'm talking about!

Good luck!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Timing during Open Communication | Using eHarmony | 40+ TWO WOMEN-SAME RESULTS »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:40pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0