Using eHarmony: How NOT to Become a Disappointing Match


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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #1  April 30,2010, 5:08pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Hmm, we see posts from DMs daily on the Advice boards about how eHarmony doesn't work and is a waste of their money.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #2  April 30,2010, 5:56pm

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Hi Gr8Guyn2008,

I sincerely hope that this article will encourage members, who aren't having a positive eHarmony experience and are exhibiting some Disappointing Match behavior, to reconsider their current approach to using our site and really give the suggestions I made on how not to be a DM a try.

They have nothing to lose, and I truly believe that, by doing so, they will best support their chance of being successfully matched.

If anyone has constructive feedback regarding the points/suggestions I made or have other examples of DM behavior you'd like to add, please do.

Also, if you're a rehabilitated DM in any area, I'd love to hear how a change in your approach or behavior has affected your eHarmony experience.

All the best.

-Renee
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Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Renee; April 30,2010 at 6:12pm.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  April 30,2010, 6:18pm
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I'm beginning to think that all eH members should be required to be a member of eHAdvice. Just so they can see they aren't alone.
 
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Buck is offline Buck Post #4  April 30,2010, 6:30pm
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I wouldn't call #3 Disappointing Match Behavior.  Who says we all have to write to everybody, or we're a bad match?  I have neither the time nor inclination to "spray and pray" (credit to someone else for this one).  Some of us have a life outside of eH.  I much prefer meaningful communication with a few compared to mindless chit chat with many.
 
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Co6aka is offline Co6aka Post #5  April 30,2010, 6:35pm
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Here's one for you:  "Disappointed Match" = When 99% of your matches are aliens from another universe (as in eH is "matching" you with people who don't match you AT ALL, not even by a VERY-VERY-VERY-long-shot.)
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  April 30,2010, 7:03pm
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Renee, I think you hit on most, if not all, of the points that make using eH so frustrating for some. Whether it's being matched with a DM or being a DM, we all need to sometimes stop, step back and look at how we are truly dealing with our e-dating situation.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  April 30,2010, 7:03pm
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Buck wrote :
I wouldn't call #3 Disappointing Match Behavior. Who says we all have to write to everybody
It prevents you from observing that most of your matches don't view your profile because they're Not Really There.

And of course, eH is never ever going to hint at that in anything they say.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  April 30,2010, 8:27pm
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I don't accept the premise here.

Since disappointment is an emotion, the person who feels it is responsible for it.

I'm not in control of someone else's disappointment- if I'm not what she's looking for, she can keep looking or stick with me.

It's the same concept as the fact that you cannot make someone else happy (or sad or any other emotional state)- only they can do that.

Anyone who can't grasp this concept shouldn't be dating.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  April 30,2010, 8:34pm
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Or put another way -
eHarmony wrote :
It's not us... it's you.
 
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loukygirl is offline loukygirl Post #10  May 1,2010, 10:34am
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I don't agree with the expectation of patience EH suggests. If you are on this site, you are interested and being somewhat proactive in finding that someone special. If you contact someone and then do not respond back to them in over a few days.... why wouldn't someone (a girl) assume that the guy isn't really that interested?
EH is supposed to be different than other web sites. It should be treated as such.
 
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