loves2write is offline loves2write Post #1  April 29,2010, 5:27pm
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I went through guided communications with one match. We reached open communication. He seemed like a warm, honest person, and we both were interested in getting together. I told him I wanted him to be certified before we met. (I didn't realize that is not a free service with all paid memberships.) He closed the match without any further communication. I was shocked and thought it must be a mistake. I requested he reopen. here was no response.

How do people feel about ID verification? As a woman, it seems like a sensible precaution.

Any thoughts on why a match would close communications after a request for verification without discussing it?

.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #2  April 29,2010, 6:36pm
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I would have closed you, too. And I paid for that useless "service".

What they don't tell you is that it won't always verify your address, so it's the same as not buying the service, except your money is gone. Here's the scenario I'm in- I live with a roommate who owns this house and who receives all the bills. I get my mail at a PO box. There is nothing official to tie me to this street address. The so-called service won't deal with PO boxes, but that's not disclosed til you pay.

The funny thing is, my credit card billing address is that PO box, and eharmony had no problem with that address for billing purposes... so why can't it be used for verfication? Why would I have my bills mailed to the wrong city?

Even dumber is that I own a home in a city 100 miles away and could use that address to verify myself, but then it would appear to my matches that I was currently staying in that city rather than where I actually spend 98% of my time.

The reason I would close is that I'd see the request as a sign of paranoia and distrust on your part.

Let's say this house was in my name and the service verified me. What exactly would that do for you? All it would tell you is that I live in the city where I say I live. It's not a background check, it doesn't mean I'm a good person, or anything like that.

How many matches do you think lie about what city they live in? I can't think of a good reason why someone would.

Out of maybe 1000 matches, I've seen very few use that service, and none ask me about it... because it really doesn't prove anything substantial.

Maybe the guy heard the truth and didn't want to waste his money.

Just curious- have you verified yourself? If not, why do you expect your matches to do so?

I think you're going to have the same thing happen over and over if you insist on people "certifying" themselves- which that service doesn't really do.
Last edited by mrflyer; April 29,2010 at 6:42pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #3  April 29,2010, 6:52pm
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I'd close you for asking the question. And laugh while I was doing it. And never think about you again. Am I being clear enough?

If you can't even meet a match without making an intrusive personal demand like that, then you probably won't have much success.

An eH match (a total stranger) doesn't get to know my full name, address or phone number. That's how I protect myself from the crazies. If we're just meeting for coffee, you don't need to know any personal detail about me. If either of us decides against any further meetings, we shouldn't be able to track each other down anyway.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 29,2010, 7:23pm
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mrflyer wrote :
I would have closed you, too. And I paid for that useless "service".
...
The reason I would close is that I'd see the request as a sign of paranoia and distrust on your part.
...
I rarely agree with you but you are right on with this.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 29,2010, 7:30pm
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As indicated RelyID is something that cost extra and does not actually prove that the person is really who they claim.

If you think that having your matches provide a background check prior to you agreeing to meet them is a requirement then you have issues that you need to work on before you start dating, either through eHarmony or meeting people IRL.

If you can't trust your own ability to get a reasonable feeling that someone is being honest about who they are before you will meet them in a public place where other people are then I feel sorry for you.

Are you going to provide the required information so that I can run a background check on you before we meet? I didn't think so.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #6  April 29,2010, 7:46pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I rarely agree with you but you are right on with this.
I have to agree with you both also. It does sound like the OP didnt mean to offend him though.
I have had several matches that did give me info on themselves which I found very nice of them.


I guess this could be chalked up to not a good match. Next!
 
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loves2write is offline loves2write Post #7  April 29,2010, 8:48pm
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mrflyer wrote :
I would have closed you, too. And I paid for that useless "service".

What they don't tell you is that it won't always verify your address, so it's the same as not buying the service, except your money is gone. Here's the scenario I'm in- I live with a roommate who owns this house and who receives all the bills. I get my mail at a PO box. There is nothing official to tie me to this street address. The so-called service won't deal with PO boxes, but that's not disclosed til you pay.

The funny thing is, my credit card billing address is that PO box, and eharmony had no problem with that address for billing purposes... so why can't it be used for verfication? Why would I have my bills mailed to the wrong city?

Even dumber is that I own a home in a city 100 miles away and could use that address to verify myself, but then it would appear to my matches that I was currently staying in that city rather than where I actually spend 98% of my time.

The reason I would close is that I'd see the request as a sign of paranoia and distrust on your part.

Let's say this house was in my name and the service verified me. What exactly would that do for you? All it would tell you is that I live in the city where I say I live. It's not a background check, it doesn't mean I'm a good person, or anything like that.

How many matches do you think lie about what city they live in? I can't think of a good reason why someone would.

Out of maybe 1000 matches, I've seen very few use that service, and none ask me about it... because it really doesn't prove anything substantial.

Maybe the guy heard the truth and didn't want to waste his money.

Just curious- have you verified yourself? If not, why do you expect your matches to do so?

I think you're going to have the same thing happen over and over if you insist on people "certifying" themselves- which that service doesn't really do.
I am verified. It was my belief that the service verified that the name you gave them is correct and that your age is correct as well as the name of the city or town where you live.

Would you have closed communication without discussing the issue further?
 
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loves2write is offline loves2write Post #8  April 29,2010, 8:52pm
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Any women have thoughts on this?
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #9  April 29,2010, 9:08pm
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I'm not willing to pay to have it done, so I wouldn't expect my matches to either. Mind you, once they put together my profession, my city and my photos, it's not all that hard for them to figure out that I really am who I say I am anyway.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #10  April 29,2010, 9:17pm
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I wouldn't ask for ID, and I don't even know if it would have crossed my mind to do so had it not been for questions like this on eHA. I'd take sensible precautions on the first date of a person unknown to me (having a cell phone handy, meeting in a public place, etc.).
 
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