beccaj65 is offline beccaj65 Post #1  April 27,2010, 9:51am
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Reading through these threads I am more confused than not. I joined eHarmony because I live in a very rural area, work a demanding job, and am raising a child. I don't like bars and there isn't much of a social scene around. I truly thought that joining eHarmony would open up the possibilities of finding someone that I could relate too on a long term basis. . . from there who knows where. I am fairly educated (yes I have two Masters) and have lived or traveled overseas. Because of my situation with my child I am unable to permanently leave the area for at least 3 more years. Reading through these threads has not been very inspiring. . . things like people are disposible or not; dating sites are more for finding "fillers" than not . . . etc. Doesn't give one hope for maybe connecting to another human being does it??

I guess the other problem is that I don't see "dating" on-line as much different than finding a date in the bar scene. We can all make out what we want to be and yet be not only lying to ourselves but everyone else. So how does one find a "compatible" match??

I have had a few dates from eHarmony. One wanted nothing to do but make changes in me. One thought that I would be his intellectual equal (there are times I can't even spell without my spell checker!). One just wanted a maid and the other. . . well let's just say I fell hook, line, and sinker for his words only to have the line snap back and hit me squarely in the face!!!

So. . . how do you date on line without being disposible, a filler, or a fool?
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #2  April 27,2010, 10:03am
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Consider your matches as just an introduction to someone and nothing more. Get to know your matches offline, just as you have been doing.

Don't buy into the soulmate concept from the commercials and build up expectations.
Last edited by illustrator; April 27,2010 at 10:03am. Reason: .... Date one line as you would another line
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  April 27,2010, 10:10am
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Wow in your rural area etc. you have had 4 EH dates! How long have you been a member? Unless it's *years* I'd say you're beating the odds.

And, the ones you've met so far have not worked out ... that just means you're also good at weeding out non-starters pretty early on.

I would say just keep doing it. You appear to be doing well. Good luck!
 
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beccaj65 is offline beccaj65 Post #4  April 27,2010, 10:17am
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Thanks to both of you. I just fell for the soulmate routine and am a little "bitter". Though I think that I can weed out the "users/scammers" one always seems to get in there.

Oh a little over a year on EH. Closed it down after November when I was "matched" to the last. He was suppose to come visit in 7 days and wrote me a "Dear John" email 5 days ago to tell me he wasn't. He loved me deeply but . . . . guess I didn't weed out fast enough.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 27,2010, 10:49am
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As illustrator said an online dating site is a method of introduction. On eHarmony if you and your match have both been honest in filling out the Personality Profile Questionnaire then you should share certain core values. This does not mean that on the things that are not measured that you are both looking for the same thing from a relationship.

And as Sassafras54 said you are doing better than most and you are going about it in the proper way by meeting to determine true compatibility.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #6  April 27,2010, 12:05pm
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There is hope for me yet! I also live in a rural area, have had no dates, but have only been on since December. And, I just renewed it for a year...lol! So, it sounds like four dates from eHarmony is doing quite well.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #7  April 27,2010, 12:47pm
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greg75 wrote :
There is hope for me yet! I also live in a rural area, have had no dates, but have only been on since December. And, I just renewed it for a year...lol! So, it sounds like four dates from eHarmony is doing quite well.
I like to think of eHarmony as rejection/abandonment immunization therapy for real life. First rule..doesn't matter who you are or how good your profile, you (female) can always find a reason not to talk to someone. He isn't attractive enough, he doesn't have the right job, he has obvious baggage, his sense of humor is weird, etc. The reasons are legion. Men will find reasons not to talk to you as well..the predominant one is attraction--both good and bad. Yes, you can be too good looking and intimidating. Baggage, children, distance, age, social sphere, backgrounds often play a part. Online dating is full of false starts and poofs. You've been rejecting advances all your life, why stop now? Second rule...nobody is exactly like they seem online in emails/photos/phone. Sometimes they seem better, but more often than not, they aren't. Every now and then people will realize Prince Charming and the Beauty Pageant winner with the heart of gold are figments of the imagination, which leads to the third rule. You won't meet anyone unless you make a leap of faith. Sometimes you'll meet a truly nice guy/girl. Things may not work out, but it will give you hope for the future. Other times you'll meet a fat, drunk crying guy with a broken down pickup truck and a foreclosure notice. Then you run home and debate closing your online account. In time, you develop a cynical thick skin.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #8  April 27,2010, 12:58pm
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Mr79percent wrote :
I like to think of eHarmony as rejection/abandonment immunization therapy for real life. First rule..doesn't matter who you are or how good your profile, you (female) can always find a reason not to talk to someone. He isn't attractive enough, he doesn't have the right job, he has obvious baggage, his sense of humor is weird, etc. The reasons are legion. Men will find reasons not to talk to you as well..the predominant one is attraction--both good and bad. Yes, you can be too good looking and intimidating. Baggage, children, distance, age, social sphere, backgrounds often play a part. Online dating is full of false starts and poofs. You've been rejecting advances all your life, why stop now? Second rule...nobody is exactly like they seem online in emails/photos/phone. Sometimes they seem better, but more often than not, they aren't. Every now and then people will realize Prince Charming and the Beauty Pageant winner with the heart of gold are figments of the imagination, which leads to the third rule. You won't meet anyone unless you make a leap of faith. Sometimes you'll meet a truly nice guy/girl. Things may not work out, but it will give you hope for the future. Other times you'll meet a fat, drunk crying guy with a broken down pickup truck and a foreclosure notice. Then you run home and debate closing your online account. In time, you develop a cynical thick skin.
Yep! I'm slowly starting to get there..lol! Like now I'm thinking to myself that in another thread, I was talking about how I have never gotten to do a really long distance vacation trip, which a lot had to do with money. But then, I've spent hundreds of dollars on online dating...LOL! I'm slowly starting to see where my priorities needs to be.
 
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margaret18 is offline margaret18 Post #9  April 27,2010, 2:48pm
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Mr79percent wrote :
I like to think of eHarmony as rejection/abandonment immunization therapy for real life.
LOVED THAT. (can i guess what 79% is for?)

OP: I feel for you, being in a similar situation except not rural. Tarot helps me with EH, the temperance card found me recently.... "the card means right action, a true and proper response to all situations as they arise.... very often a situation requires a person to simply wait." (Seventy Eight Degrees of Wisdom, great tarot book).

Waiting for the right one... that's what I am doing, and trusting myself to be able to find him in this way.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #10  April 27,2010, 5:41pm
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margaret18 wrote :
LOVED THAT. (can i guess what 79% is for?)
Be my guest.

Hint: It's not my free throw percentage
 
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