Getting closed after second questions


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EnzymeTime is offline EnzymeTime Post #1  April 26,2010, 6:54pm
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This is the third time this has happened now. I'll answer my match's second questions, but when I send mine, it's like there's a blue light special on rejection. Is there an unwritten rule that you need to ask the provided questions and not roll your own?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  April 26,2010, 6:57pm

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EnzymeTime wrote :
This is the third time this has happened now. I'll answer my match's second questions, but when I send mine, it's like there's a blue light special on rejection. Is there an unwritten rule that you need to ask the provided questions and not roll your own?
lol blue light special, i haven't heard that before! Funny!

What kind of questions did you ask?

I remember one time (among a few) that I got closed after I sent my answers (or questions) and I accidentally pick something like requiring my match to have a sense of a personal style. I got closed within 48 hours....and she was the one who initiated the communication!
 
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EnzymeTime is offline EnzymeTime Post #3  April 26,2010, 7:03pm
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PY_2 wrote :
lol blue light special, i haven't heard that before! Funny!

What kind of questions did you ask?

I remember one time (among a few) that I got closed after I sent my answers (or questions) and I accidentally pick something like requiring my match to have a sense of a personal style. I got closed within 48 hours....and she was the one who initiated the communication!
Umm, yeah. Including an example probably would have been prudent. Here's one set of questions I sent:



lolwut? If that image looks squished for you, here's the direct URL: http://i43.tinypic.com/20ppyqr.png
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #4  April 26,2010, 7:16pm
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Oh good lawd. If I received those questions, I would close immediately, too.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  April 26,2010, 7:18pm

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EnzymeTime wrote :
Umm, yeah. Including an example probably would have been prudent. Here's one set of questions I sent:



lolwut? If that image looks squished for you, here's the direct URL: http://i43.tinypic.com/20ppyqr.png
OK my .02.....

Sorry to say reading your questions, it's almost like it was typed by Data from Star Trek. I think you need to maybe rephrase things a little bit and maybe not so philosophical or technical and/or serious.

Heck, I wouldn't even use words like Spearhead unless I'm diving and hunting for fishes!

That's just my opinion though.

Maybe others can give their opinion too.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  April 26,2010, 7:22pm
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PY_2 wrote :
. I think you need to maybe rephrase things a little bit and maybe not so philosophical or technical and/or serious.
No amount of rephrasing can save these questions, they need to be scrapped altogether.

EnzymeTyme, are you trying to attract a female to date, or are you grilling someone in a job interview or who's running for public office?
 
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DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #7  April 26,2010, 7:28pm
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EnzymeTime wrote :
Umm, yeah. Including an example probably would have been prudent. Here's one set of questions I sent:



lolwut? If that image looks squished for you, here's the direct URL: http://i43.tinypic.com/20ppyqr.png
Hi there...

I consider myself fairly educated as well as on the dorky side in that I like questions that make me think a bit. However, these questions remind me of writing my dissertation!?!?! Is that really what you want? To make it feel like we are back in school writing papers/theses/dissertations? How they read now is making me want to grab a few Blue Books to write my final exam!

What you need to ask yourself is this: What am I getting out of these questions that will let me know if this is a person I would like to date? The questions, as they are phrased now, are way too academic to be on a dating site (and this is coming from an academic!). For example, instead of phrasing your second question as "secondary variables" you could ask directly how your potential date feels dating has changed given the current recession, more women being career-focused, etc. Take out all of the "academic speak" so she does not feel like she needs to turn these answers in for a grade.

My guess is that you are being closed because your match may think, given these questions and how they are currently worded, that this is how you are personality wise. Where is your spunk? Your light-heartedness? Sense of fun, silliness, and adventure? That's what GC is all about - trying to get to know someone to determine if they are someone you'd like to meet and (hopefully) decide to date.

Personally, I make up 2 of my own questions and then grab a third from the "prefab" choices and have done relatively ok all things considered (once a guy actually answers requests for communication I have never been closed out because of my questions - it's getting that initial response that's tricky).

I hope you realize that this is intended not to be overly harsh and slam your questions but to provide some insight into maybe why you are being closed out in this stage.

I truly wish you the best of luck out there!
 
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EnzymeTime is offline EnzymeTime Post #8  April 26,2010, 7:36pm
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PY_2 wrote :
OK my .02.....

Sorry to say reading your questions, it's almost like it was typed by Data from Star Trek. I think you need to maybe rephrase things a little bit and maybe not so philosophical or technical and/or serious.

Heck, I wouldn't even use words like Spearhead unless I'm diving and hunting for fishes!

That's just my opinion though.

Maybe others can give their opinion too.
Hrrmmm...Eharmony's stock questions are a bit bland and their difficulty level (for lack of a better term) is too low. I didn't intend them to sound like they were written by Data from Star Trek (heh), but I am trying to use the framing and writing style to say that I want a reasonably detailed and well thought-out answer. A lot of the profiles I get here are pretty marginal, so I want to see if they can think and write at a higher level than their profile suggests. I also want to know about their attitudes/knowledge on certain subjects (in the case of those questions, I want to know about her art preferences, about external factors affecting relationships, and how she expresses herself).

I suppose I could ask "u liek art?" but I would probably get an answer that's just as cogent.

I'm not just asking hard questions to be a jerk. Really!
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  April 26,2010, 7:38pm
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I have to agree with the above. All of it.

Dating is supposed to be fun. Your questions sap the fun right outta the whole process.

Are you going to really get much about the person you are matched with from the answers? I would rather you ask the "if your life was made into a movie" question. And I hate that one.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  April 26,2010, 7:42pm
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EnzymeTime wrote :
Hrrmmm...Eharmony's stock questions are a bit bland and their difficulty level (for lack of a better term) is too low. I didn't intend them to sound like they were written by Data from Star Trek (heh), but I am trying to use the framing and writing style to say that I want a reasonably detailed and well thought-out answer. A lot of the profiles I get here are pretty marginal, so I want to see if they can think and write at a higher level than their profile suggests. I also want to know about their attitudes/knowledge on certain subjects (in the case of those questions, I want to know about her art preferences, about external factors affecting relationships, and how she expresses herself).

I suppose I could ask "u liek art?" but I would probably get an answer that's just as cogent.

I'm not just asking hard questions to be a jerk. Really!

Difficulty level is too low? Really, this is dating, not college.

I don't see how anyone could answer those questions in a personal way. Dating is personal, not some college course we have to pass to get married. Lighten up. I have a feeling your matches are imagining you as a tight something or other and lacking in emotion.
 
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