Catsetc is offline Catsetc Post #1  April 25,2010, 10:42pm
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So, in OC with a match for about 5 days now. He lives 3 hrs away. He says he's interested, asks a lot of questions, and answers mine, but there's something odd going on. 2 days into OC I gave him my "real" e mail address and instead of using it, he replies via eH and asks how I feel about talking on the phone and gives me his phone number. I wasn't quite ready (I know, I was being silly) and wanted a few more days until I was off work and had more time. I told him that and he seemed just fine with it... continued e mailing back and forth. 3 and 4 brief to moderately lengthy mails a day. So Saturday morning, yesterday, I sent him my phone number and said he could feel free to call any time and not to take it personally if I don't answer... I work nights, sleep days, and turn the ringer off when I'm sleeping. He replied that he's "not comfortable" calling me. Huh? But he sent me his phone number first! I asked if he was nervous and his response was that it's nerve wracking getting to know someone. Oh, and he STILL hasn't used my real e mail address! We're still mailing via eH. He asked me something about some photos I'd taken today and I replied that when he's comfortable with us using our "real" e mail addresses, I could e mail them. His reply a bit later totally ignored that comment and didn't refer to it at all. Ok, so I'm all for going slowly... as slowly as he wants and we're both comfortable with. At this point I'm fine with being just e mail buddies... and checking my other options when I receive new matches. My question is two-fold... First, does anyone have any idea what could be going on here? And second, would it sound pushy or rude to send him a message in a few days explaining that my subscription is lapsing in a week and I won't be able to e mail via eH any longer but he's free to use my real e mail if he'd like to keep in touch? It's the truth! But I don't want it to sound like an excuse to push him to e mail me there. Egads, getting back into this whole dating scene is so confusing!
 
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Andifer is offline Andifer Post #2  April 26,2010, 3:48am
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If this isn't a silly question... Why don't you just phone him?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  April 26,2010, 5:48am
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Catsetc wrote :
Egads, getting back into this whole dating scene is so confusing!
It's really not that confusing. At this point, I feel you're both making excuses. Since this is somewhat of a long distance match, I can understand not meeting right way, but getting to the first phone call
should not be this difficult.

I personally want to put a voice to the emails sooner rather than later. In my experience, when someone can't hold a 10 minute phone conversation, not much changes in when we meet.
 
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Catsetc is offline Catsetc Post #4  April 26,2010, 8:47am
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Andifer wrote :
If this isn't a silly question... Why don't you just phone him?
I would be ok with that, but now that he's said he's "not comfortable," it would be not respecting his boundaries.
 
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Catsetc is offline Catsetc Post #5  April 26,2010, 8:51am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
It's really not that confusing. At this point, I feel you're both making excuses. Since this is somewhat of a long distance match, I can understand not meeting right way, but getting to the first phone call
should not be this difficult.

I personally want to put a voice to the emails sooner rather than later. In my experience, when someone can't hold a 10 minute phone conversation, not much changes in when we meet.
Oh, I admit I probably was making excuses initially. And I agree that getting to the first phone call shouldn't be this hard. That's why I'm chalking him up to just an e mail buddy at this point, and I'm ok with that. I agree that if someone can't carry on a phone conversation they're likely not going to be able to carry on a conversation in person. So I would like to speak to him on the phone, yes. But now that he's said he's "not comfortable" I'm going to respect his boundaries and wait until he tells me he's ok with it. It's weird that he doesn't seem like he's being secretive... just more shy or scared.
 
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