anyone run into this... men who are paid users and never initiate contact...


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margaret18 is offline margaret18 Post #1  April 25,2010, 3:59pm
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I've now communicated with two men who are paid users of EH and as a rule do NOT initiate contact. One has been a paid member for over a year. He is just waiting for a woman who feels right to show up in his inbox. Other than that he does nothing, except perhaps respond to the occasional interesting woman who contacts him.

Wondering how many others of you have run into this? It may be more common among the 45 plus who have disposable income to spend on a very passive use of EH... and are past the ticking biologicial clock....

I think all of us who post here tend to be the active users. There seem to be people who are much more passive about the whole thing, even though they are paying.

These are the people who show up as having viewed you and never communicate, never close. Just very passive users. They might be interested but just don't want to stick their neck out, would meet only if someone exceptional showed up or showed interest.

I guess the only lesson here is to initiate if you have any interest at all.

I am wondering how many have run into this. I have a lot of people who view me (not anonymously) and never close (even before archiving happened), never contact... I think there may be a lot more of them out there than we realize.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  April 25,2010, 5:06pm
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I think it is their loss if they don't make contact. Some women do this as a rule, I believe we have a few on here. I will almost always initiate contact with a match I'm interested in.

No one that I've talked with has said that they are passive as you have described. If they did tell me this I'm not sure I could respect their approach. I want someone who goes after that they want.

I think they are being unrealistic or really don't care if they meet someone.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  April 25,2010, 5:11pm

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Hi Margaret18,

That’s an interesting phenomenon, and personally, I have seen a lot of it in dealing with Customer Care inquiries – regardless of gender.

It could be for a lot of reasons – they feel they are too busy to communicate with all the matches, so they let the matches do the choosing. Or, perhaps they tell themselves that they have been burned by spending time requesting communication and not getting responses. Or, they could be very picky and view matches, and instantly rule most of them out for some reason (and then don’t feel like doing the work of closing). Or, as it may be with this individual, some people have been on eHarmony for a long time and don’t feel they have the energy (anymore) to search through the matches.

It’s sort of too bad for those people, because they could be missing out on someone really amazing. At the same time, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that they aren’t worth getting to know if they responded to your request!

I agree that the lesson here is to initiate with all the matches who might interest you. I’m thinking of a friend of mine who actually found someone who hadn’t logged in and ONLY logged in because she requested communication.

Good luck with these matches, and matches in general!

~Kate
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #4  April 25,2010, 5:48pm
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Not really, I don't think, but I am a strange one - I just send first questions to everybody lol, and don't worry about even reading the profile at times unless I get a response............. probably read about 100 dead peoples profiles in the space of a couple of weeks, lol, so that is my little way of telling if they are an actual user or not............

Funny thing is, I get very few replies, views or closes. Most of mine are just dead profiles for some reason. But I do understand going through periods of just not wanting to bother, or just not initiating because there are very few responses of any sort.........

To each their own I guess.

JMHO

Lilycat
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 25,2010, 6:17pm
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I have run into it with women who won't initiate with me. Guys don't ever communicate with me on eHarmony and I hope it stays that way.

I send First Questions to every match unless they are taller than 5'8" (any of you older posters know that is way taller than I am). Are not outside my acceptable distance. Don't have photos showing visible tattoos and don't talk about riding their motorcycle.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  April 25,2010, 6:18pm
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Lilycat wrote :
Not really, I don't think, but I am a strange one - I just send first questions to everybody lol, and don't worry about even reading the profile at times unless I get a response............. probably read about 100 dead peoples profiles in the space of a couple of weeks, lol, so that is my little way of telling if they are an actual user or not............

Funny thing is, I get very few replies, views or closes. Most of mine are just dead profiles for some reason. But I do understand going through periods of just not wanting to bother, or just not initiating because there are very few responses of any sort.........

To each their own I guess.

JMHO

Lilycat
If you don't try I can guarantee you will fail. But like you said to each their own.
 
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Co6aka is offline Co6aka Post #7  April 25,2010, 6:41pm
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From my entire online experience, probably about one in a hundred women responded, initially, and out of ten who responded probably one continued communicating.

On top of that, add all the attention-loving self-indulgent game-players who like to toy around with men. They have zero or almost zero interest in any kind of ongoing relationship, but they'll play a man along just to get some attention and a free ride.

Anyway, after a while this gets more than a little old, but it's something men just have to live with. That doesn't make it any less "old" though, and maybe these men have just gotten to the point of exhaustion with it all. They'd rather just play golf... or in my case, just go out on dates with my dog.

Once, just once, it would be nice if a woman who was truly interested would initiate communications, but of course I stand a much better chance of winning Lotto.

So, IMHO, if you ladies have been delivered a match that in any way interests you, and you don't immediately initiate communications, then you're just cheating yourselves. That's my attitude; why I still make my dog wait while I initiate. I don't waste any time hanging around afterward though.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  April 26,2010, 3:29pm
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margaret18 wrote :
I've now communicated with two men who are paid users of EH and as a rule do NOT initiate contact. One has been a paid member for over a year. He is just waiting for a woman who feels right to show up in his inbox. Other than that he does nothing, except perhaps respond to the occasional interesting woman who contacts him.
I wouldn't know since I don't get matched with men, but it sounds like these guys are just very passive and probably aren't going to get dates via any method unless women pursue them.

Does this bother you or are you just curious?

It's a big waste of money to use the site that way, but then I start communication with almost all my matches and have very little to show for it in terms of actual dates.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #9  April 26,2010, 3:42pm
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I don't understand why anyone, man or woman, would pay for a service and not use it. To me, that's like going to a fancy restaurant, ordering an expensive meal and then just having a sip of water.
 
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margaret18 is offline margaret18 Post #10  April 26,2010, 4:43pm
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[quote=mrflyer;961505]
Does this bother you or are you just curious?[quote]


It is what it is. it's another strategy people are using. i wonder how widespread it is.

and.. this can explain some non-responding matches.
 
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