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starfish_steph1969 is offline starfish_steph1969 Post #1  April 23,2010, 12:21pm
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I have been on EH on/off for six years. I have met (and dated) several guys, but haven't met one right one. I am fortunate that I live in a large city and receive a lot of matches (over 600 since August 2009).

Here's my question for the EH guys out there. When I get a match I usually read through them and close out the matches that I'm not interested in, for whatever reason. After a few days (if the match did not initiate communication), I send the matches the first round of questions. If I hadn't heard from them after 7-10 days (especially if I see they opened my questions, but didn't answer them; updated their profile; or have clicked on my profile), I close them out. I figured if a match decided they wanted to communicate, they could request that I re-open them (which I have in the past).

Am I jumping the gun?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  April 23,2010, 12:37pm
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Not a guy, but generally speaking, yes, you are probably jumping the gun. If I'm traveling, if I'm buried with work, I'll read or look at the profile but put off responding or contacting them until I'm actually free to pay attention. Life happens. It is absolutely no skin off your back to leave a match open. I know for myself....I've never gone back asked to be re-opened by any match....ever. Why not? Why bother? They closed me out and I have another 7 new matches sitting in my box and half a dozen more I need to respond to. Once a match is closed, for most people it's out of sight and out of mind.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #3  April 23,2010, 12:40pm
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Another thing to keep in mind is that most of your matches are non-paying members, who can only communicate with you on Free Communication Weekends.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  April 23,2010, 12:46pm

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starfish_steph1969 wrote :
I have been on EH on/off for six years. I have met (and dated) several guys, but haven't met one right one. I am fortunate that I live in a large city and receive a lot of matches (over 600 since August 2009).

Here's my question for the EH guys out there. When I get a match I usually read through them and close out the matches that I'm not interested in, for whatever reason. After a few days (if the match did not initiate communication), I send the matches the first round of questions. If I hadn't heard from them after 7-10 days (especially if I see they opened my questions, but didn't answer them; updated their profile; or have clicked on my profile), I close them out. I figured if a match decided they wanted to communicate, they could request that I re-open them (which I have in the past).

Am I jumping the gun?
To me this sounds fair....you've pretty much waited about two weeks....(waiting a few days and then wait another 7-10 days).

Especially that you're ok with the re-open request.

I personally think it's acceptable.
 
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starfish_steph1969 is offline starfish_steph1969 Post #5  April 23,2010, 12:56pm
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I realize that people are busy (myself included) - but I figure most people have access to a computer most days. I'd like to meet a guy that reads my profile and thinks "I'd like to know more about that person". I'm not interested in s/o that checks EH occasionally, or is communicating with so many people that I am way down on the totem pole. Personally, I communicate with more than one person at a time. And I don't leave people hanging if I'm not interested in further communication.

Thanks for your feedback, chicks and guys. My chick friends agreed with me - but I didn't know if guys see the situation differently.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #6  April 23,2010, 12:58pm

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Two weeks is a sufficient amount of time to afford someone the opportunity to respond. That being said, if there is something unique that catches my interest with a person's profile I will send a "Nudge" if thet have not and then wait a few days longer before I close them out.
 
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mr_helper is offline mr_helper Post #7  April 23,2010, 1:05pm
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Sometimes is may be jumping the gun. Not everyone is as efficient as you and with the large number of matches sometimes it take a while to get through everything. Plus I don't like to be chatting with too many girls at one time and I often forget to turn off matching. Its not necessarily because I'm not interested but more a matter of being fair to girls I am already communicating with.

I have responded to close-outs before, but to me it seems like a bit of a rejection and I'm not nearly as likely to respond to that as I am an old communicate request. The thing about eH is once you close them they are gone. There is no requirement to close them so why not just leave them open. It isn't a race you need to get to the end of and you never know maybe mr. right is lurking in those slow repliers.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  April 23,2010, 1:06pm
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Unless you're interpreting non-response as some kind of indicator of character or personality or something ... why not just leave them hanging open? They can drift to the bottom of your page and just stay there. Probably they mostly will never come alive again, but ...

... at some point one of those guys might contact you back and you might find yourself feeling really happy he did. Yes?
 
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starfish_steph1969 is offline starfish_steph1969 Post #9  April 23,2010, 1:20pm
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Thinking about it, from some my experiences, it seems like guys that take a week in between responses, are slow to e-mail /calling/gaps in initial dates, etc., have issues (take your pick) that seems to cause this response style. I don't consider myself efficient (there are some days I'm not on my computer, or I am deciding how to answer a set of questions, or whether I want to close the match out if it appears we have little in common) - just polite. I don't know if I want to communicate with a match that waits two months to respond - it doesn't show much initiative, or interest. But, perhaps, I'm looking at this from the chick's view - which is why I thought it would be cool to get a guy's perspective on it.
 
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newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #10  April 23,2010, 1:23pm
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Iconography wrote :
Another thing to keep in mind is that most of your matches are non-paying members, who can only communicate with you on Free Communication Weekends.

This is a good point. I made the mistake of cleaning out and closing out matches shortly before a FCW. Didn't leave an opportunity for anyone to reach out to me.
 
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