Question about the Excessive Weight "Can't Stands"


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itsanewworld is offline itsanewworld Post #1  April 22,2010, 2:50am
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I have had about 40 matches since I joined eHarmony four days ago. And I'm in communication with four or five of them. I've noticed on several of the guys lists of "Can't Stands" that they put "Excessive Overweight" and that makes me worry. It makes me worry because I'm not sure what that means. I wear a size 10 and I just lost 30 lbs and have another 10-15 to go. Does that mean they won't be attracted to me? I have photos up, but still...it's not as if I put my most disgusting, fat-filled photos on eHarmony! they are current and accurate photos, but they are flattering angles, etc.

I am working with a personal trainer and I workout 4-5 times a week and I eat incredibly healthy. I put all of that in my personality profile test, so I think it led me to only get matches with men who are workout nuts and health nuts. That wasn't my intention. I get all of these super-outdoorsy guys with tons of photos of them doing athletic things. I didn't want to get someone who only wants to work out all the time. My new lifestyle is working out and being healthy, but I don't want to mislead them into thinking I'm this workout queen and in super shape.

What to do? What to say? Anything? I don't want them to meet me and go "blech!"
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  April 22,2010, 3:29am
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Don't get paranoid. If your photos are an accurate representation, those guys are interested in you as you are. Please don't equate an excessive overweight can't stand as wanting a scrawny stick. For most people this can't stand translates into "I don't want to date someone who weighs 300lbs."
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #3  April 22,2010, 4:11am
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Good heavens! Unless you are three feet tall, you are not "excessively overweight" if you wear a size 10.

Don't be so hard on yourself.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #4  April 22,2010, 4:54am
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Also, you can always ask them what excessively overweight means.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #5  April 22,2010, 5:22am
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Agree with the posters above; and while you should definitely take notice of someone's must haves and can't stands, if they feel you don't fit them trust them to close you out.
Don't take yourself out of the running when you aren't even sure what the person means!
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #6  April 22,2010, 5:53am
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The definition is going to vary wildly from person to person. Just be sure you have a full-body, current photograph--as you say you do--and let the match be the judge. (I myself am sometimes guilty of trying to make judgements, invariably negative, about myself for other people.)

Good luck!
 
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itsanewworld is offline itsanewworld Post #7  April 22,2010, 5:53am
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okay, thanks, everyone. whew! I feel better. I guess inside I still feel 30 lbs heavier! hard to get used to the new body and accept that I really do look different, and like my old self again!

and yeah, not as if in a guided communication email I can say, "oh, and by the way, I have a bigger butt than you probably realize, are you okay with that?"

imagine??????
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  April 22,2010, 6:13am
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neardc wrote :
Good heavens! Unless you are three feet tall, you are not "excessively overweight" if you wear a size 10.

Don't be so hard on yourself.
I sure wish that someone would / could explain women sizes to me (and I am sure that most of the other guys are just as clueless).

From what I have been told a girl that is 5'0" may be a size 10 yet a girl that it 6'0" may also be a size 10 yet there would be no correlation to the actual size of the clothing item for the two of them. The short girl would be visibly chunky while the tall girl would be much slimmer.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #9  April 22,2010, 6:18am
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The WOMAN who is 5'0" would wear a 10 petite; the taller WOMAN would wear a 10 in the Misses range.

You can see the body dimensions associated with each size in each size range here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/US_standard_clothing_size

Of course actual clothing doesn't necessarily map onto these sizes exactly, in that a size 10 by one manufacturer may fit differently than a size 10 by another one.

And yes; it is confusing!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  April 22,2010, 6:24am
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itsanewworld wrote :
I have had about 40 matches since I joined eHarmony four days ago. And I'm in communication with four or five of them. I've noticed on several of the guys lists of "Can't Stands" that they put "Excessive Overweight" and that makes me worry. It makes me worry because I'm not sure what that means. I wear a size 10 and I just lost 30 lbs and have another 10-15 to go. Does that mean they won't be attracted to me? I have photos up, but still...it's not as if I put my most disgusting, fat-filled photos on eHarmony! they are current and accurate photos, but they are flattering angles, etc.

I am working with a personal trainer and I workout 4-5 times a week and I eat incredibly healthy. I put all of that in my personality profile test, so I think it led me to only get matches with men who are workout nuts and health nuts. That wasn't my intention. I get all of these super-outdoorsy guys with tons of photos of them doing athletic things. I didn't want to get someone who only wants to work out all the time. My new lifestyle is working out and being healthy, but I don't want to mislead them into thinking I'm this workout queen and in super shape.

What to do? What to say? Anything? I don't want them to meet me and go "blech!"
Because the eHarmony matching system does scan your profile for certain words to use in making your match you may want to take a look at how you have said that you are working out and eating healthy. It may be that you have lead the system astray with how you have worded this and therefore it is seeing you as a very athletic gym rat and is therefore sending you more matches that have also portrayed themselves in that manner.

On the other hand your athletic matches may not be looking for a sports / gym partner as much as they are looking for someone to share other types of activities with.

As for your matches going "blech", they may do that regardless of how you look as you may also have the same reaction to them. Remember, in the eye of the beholder is the beauty.
 
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