on eHarmony, should I let the guy contact me first?


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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #1  April 21,2010, 6:43am
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how much is eharmony like the real world? if I get a bunch of matches sent to me in the morning, should I wait for the guy to contact me? is it too forward/desperate for the woman to contact the guy?

and, should you wait a certain amount of time after receiving the match to, again, not look desperate in responding too fast?

please don't flame me...I really have no idea how this works when meeting people online. I am a true newbie at online dating, after being married the past 10 years!!! thanks!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  April 21,2010, 6:45am
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dr whatshisname says to contact whomever you want

i wait and close if nothing. thats me though
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #3  April 21,2010, 6:47am
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When you see a profile you like, don't wait, make contact.

Good luck!
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #4  April 21,2010, 6:48am
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There are a couple of schools of thought on this (and you'll find there are a couple of schools of thought on EVERYTHING regarding dating online or off!)

-some say that you are paying for a service and you should utilize it to the fullest. Meaning that you contact people who interest you.

-some say that you'll tend to have more success if the man contacts you first.

I've personally seen greater success when a man made first contact, but I don't beleive that contacting a man first implies that you are desperate or anything negative at all.

As far as response time, I say respond to queries as soon as you are able- any sort of 'waiting to respond' games don't tend to play well in general, and particularly not online.
Best of luck!
 
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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #5  April 21,2010, 6:51am
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thanks! it's so hard to let go of the old standards. I'm not THAT old, but The Rules did come out in the late 90's, the last time I was single, and I tried very hard to follow it in those days and some of the basics, from that and my youth, still stick. As in, let the guy do the chasing!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  April 21,2010, 7:08am
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readytodate wrote :
how much is eHarmony like the real world? if I get a bunch of matches sent to me in the morning, should I wait for the guy to contact me? is it too forward/desperate for the woman to contact the guy?

and, should you wait a certain amount of time after receiving the match to, again, not look desperate in responding too fast?

please don't flame me...I really have no idea how this works when meeting people online. I am a true newbie at online dating, after being married the past 10 years!!! thanks!
eHarmony is a method of introduction. If you want to relate this to the real world it would be like a coworker telling you "I know this guy that I think you would like" and saying the same thing to the guy. Then leaving it up to one of you to contact the other.

So should you wait for the guy to contact you? Well let's see. You are paying for the eHarmony service so you have every right to exercise all aspects of what eHarmony has to offer. That includes sending First Questions to any guy that you are interested in. If the girl was to initiate does that make you look desperate? Hmm, maybe because she did not initiate the guy is going to assume that she is not all that interested. If a match (girl) initiates communication with me she is going to the top of the list. This is a big plus with me (and most every guy). Is any of this making any sense to you?

Any match that you find interesting send First Questions to. If you want the guy to contact you first then wait a day or two and then send First Questions if he has not initiated.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  April 21,2010, 7:30am
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readytodate wrote :
thanks! it's so hard to let go of the old standards. I'm not THAT old, but The Rules did come out in the late 90's, the last time I was single, and I tried very hard to follow it in those days and some of the basics, from that and my youth, still stick.
The Rules??
 
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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #8  April 21,2010, 9:51am
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TheThinker wrote :
The Rules??
yeah, it's a book from the mid-to-late 90's that says things like, end the phone call first, don't contact a guy, let him do the chasing, etc, etc. it was bashed and bashed and bashed in the day, but many women, including myself and my friends, tried very hard to follow some of the things in it, because a little of it was also good, old-fashioned advice like that your grandmother would have given you.

but in the end, not feasible or realistic for the real world and equality between men and women.
 
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Rynok is offline Rynok Post #9  April 21,2010, 3:47pm
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You should totally wait for the guy because us guys get really upset when the girl makes the first move!!! If he knows your ok with making the first move, one things leads to another and the next thing you know he's expecting you to propose to him!

Seriously, my question would be why do girls still think messaging a guy is bad? Lets all play these games that everyone loves! Don't msg guys first, act really busy all the time, make him ask you out more than once just to ensure he's really into you, don't tell him how much fun the date was...make him wonder so he'll try harder next time, break up with him just to see if he'll try to win you back, try to make him upset just to see how far he'll let you push him...
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #10  April 21,2010, 4:15pm
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I'm excited when a match contacts me first. Why not? She likes me, so I'm flattered. She is proactive, another plus. But most of the time, they look and wait until I send Q's.
 
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