Dan25 is offline Dan25 Post #1  April 21,2010, 3:22am
Dan25's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 15

See profile

For a long time I dealt with social anxiety disorder and issues with depression. Although I am mostly over it, I am still very shy and have never been able to ask a girl out. With eharmony I was able to finally do that but lately things have not been going well, and I'm getting frustrated with myself. I've only made it to OC with 3 matches, and all of them have ended poorly for me. I may run on a little here, sorry in advance .

The first one I started communicating with back in october, after a few messages each in OC, I asked if she wanted to get together. She didn't respond, until about a month later. She told me her account was running out soon but she gave me her e-mail address and told me she'd like to hear from me. I sent her an e-mail, she replied on eharmony saying that she had received it. I never heard back from her again, I even sent a friendly e-mail at Christmas saying I hope she an her family had a safe and happy one. This one didn't get to me too much, but I was confused as to why she got back to me after so long, gave me her e-mail and then went silent again.

The second girl actually initiated communication with me, around the same time the first girl stopped. I didn't have much hope with this one at first, we live about an hour apart and I can't drive. I have that included in my profile though, and she seemed really sweet and kind. Her messages in OC were great, they had me laughing to myself, eventually we moved on to MSN to chat. Eventually I worked up the nerve to ask her out. She said yes, we had a great time (my first date ever). I lost her cell number though, so I sent her an e-mail asking for it again, she sent me a text in response. But afterwards she started to withdraw, any time I asked her out she said she'd get back to me and never would. If this sounds familiiar I did post about this incident in the dating advice section last month. Again, I don't understand why she gave me her number again if she wasn't interested. Although I was frustrated here as well, I was also a little relieved as it would have been hard to see each other on a regualr basis.

The third incident is the one that really hurt though. I started communicating with her about mid-march, and reached OC shortly after. We jumped to MSN right away and had a really good talk the first night. She told me she hadn't had much luck with eharmony, only met one guy and he turned out to be a bit of a creep. At the end, I told her I didn't want to rush her since she had a bad experience with the first guy, but if she was interested I wanted to get together. She told me yes, but it she was going to be busy for the next couple of weeks.

We chatted several times over the next few weeks, and I was really impressed. The more I learned about her the more I liked, we had a lot in common. I checked with her a couple of times during our chats if she wanted to try and get together that weekend. She still had plans for the two weekends that I asked about. After she said that last week though, she told me she should be free the next weekend but she'd have to check. I told her I understood, after all, she had told me from the onset that she was going to be busy. I asked her if a weekend was best for her or if she wanted to try for one day during the week. She said that a weekday may work better, just to get the first awkward meeting out of the way. She's pretty shy too so we had a good laugh about ourselves and our nerves with meeting.

The last time I talked to her was friday night, it was pretty late so we kept it short but it was still really fun. Those last two talks were really great, I was starting to feel more at ease and she seemed more comfortable too, she said she was looking forward to talking again. On monday I happened to log into my eharmony account, and saw that she had closed me. At first I was surprised, but the reason she gave was "Because we are communicating outside of eharmony" so I was relieved. I haven't seen her on MSN since saturday morning though, and I'm pretty sure now that she removed me. There is a chance that she has just been busy but that seems unlikely.

Now I'm not naive enough to believe that I was the only person that any of these girls were talking with. It just frustrates me because I feel in each case I was led on. Honestly, I believe that I wouldn't have had a problem if they had turned me down, it's the not noing where I stand that gives me an issue. My feelings are that once you reach OC with somebody, if you decide you aren't interested you should let the person know. Maybe I wasn't entitled to an explanation why, but I felt I deserved more than being completely ignored.

Being so late to the dating world, my confidence is already a little lacking lol. These cases have really shaken that even more, especially the most recent one. I honestly don't know how I'm going to be able to have a good level of communication with a girl, I just know I'm going to have that little doubt in the back of my mind that they're just going to disappear on me too.

Anyways thanks for listenting, I feel a little better just getting that off my chest. I am still going to hold out hope on that girl, I at least would like to get in contact with her to find out what's going on and if she's not interested hopefully I can get some closure.
Last edited by Dan25; April 21,2010 at 3:24am.
 
  Reply With Quote
MicMan is offline MicMan Post #2  April 21,2010, 4:56am
MicMan's Avatar

is living life to 83% of its normal capacity.

Board Leader - Sports

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 2,965

See profile

Your experiences are like the experiences of a lot of people on here. Basically, it comes down to guano happens.

It sounds like you're doing the right things, initiating contact, pushing for a meeting in a timely fashion, though with girl number three it sounds like she was just not interested.

You can only control your own happiness. Basically, you just have to chalk these up to life experiences, learn from them and move ahead.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dan25 is offline Dan25 Post #3  April 21,2010, 7:03am
Dan25's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 15

See profile

MicMan wrote :
Your experiences are like the experiences of a lot of people on here. Basically, it comes down to guano happens.

It sounds like you're doing the right things, initiating contact, pushing for a meeting in a timely fashion, though with girl number three it sounds like she was just not interested.

You can only control your own happiness. Basically, you just have to chalk these up to life experiences, learn from them and move ahead.
You know its kind of weird, I felt absolutely miserable when I found this out last night, right up until this morning, but I'm already feeling better. Maybe I'm actually maturing emotionally or something.

Although with these experiences I'm starting to wonder if I was a womanizer in a past life and this is just karma finally catching up
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Hiring a professional writer | Using eHarmony | Did I just waste 300 dollars (1 yr subs) to have STRANGERS stalk my profile »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Feeling insecure, especially tonight HappyandLight Relationships 25 December 11,2009 10:28pm
feeling pretty to a man when your in your 50,s kat5560 Relationships 76 October 8,2009 6:30pm
Feeling bad about seeming promiscuous shakeitup Relationships 7 August 19,2009 3:42pm
SO DISCOURAGED!! jaykayem Using eHarmony 19 August 18,2009 4:06pm
Is this feeling normal? aurora7 Relationships 5 July 17,2009 3:38pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:27pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0