rheebird is offline rheebird Post #1  April 17,2010, 8:38pm
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On April 5th, I posted about a match not responding and whether I should send an icebreaker or a message. I tried to send an icebreaker, but for some reason eharmony won't let it go through. I know he has been online because he has added a new photo. Can non-subscribers add photos? So my question to all of you out there in Eharmony advice land is Will you please read this message and see if it is appropriate and not to harsh to send to him in the hopes of either jumpstarting communication or getting the match closed (I'd prefer the former choice of course!) Here's the message:

Hi,
I thought we would be a good match, but it has become apparent to me that you probably don't feel the same way as you've updated your pictures and haven't responded to my communication. I would still love the chance to get to know you if you are willing to give it a try, but if you aren't would you please be good enough to close this match so I don't feel like I'm suspended in limbo. I think that we share some similar interests and values and I hope you would give me the benefit of getting to know me first.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #2  April 17,2010, 9:16pm
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Really, I think it's best not to send notes to people who don't respond to you. Just take it for what it is - an indication of disinterest. There's no reason to chastise them for it and I would hesitate to invite them to it. If he wanted to respond, he would have.

And he is not the only one with the power to close a match. If it bothers you that it's still open and he hasn't responded to you, just close the match. He can always ask you to reconsider if he truly wants to talk. Most don't, though.

Remember that most matches won't respond, so it's best not to invest too much emotional energy in them. Save the energy for the ones who do.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  April 18,2010, 6:46am
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Yes non-paying members can post and add photos. The fact that he has added a photo shows that he is an active member but not necessarily a paying member.

I would not send any e-mail.

If you are a paying member then you should send First Questions and not IceBreakers. IceBreakers are widely viewed as an indication that the person is a non-paying member because that is the only communication that a non-paying member can do.

My suggested course of action is to send First Questions to any match that you have any interest in. If they respond great. If they don't respond just leave them sitting until the next FCW. The day before the FCW begins send a nudge to all your non-responding matches. If they respond during the FCW stay on top of the communication to get to the point of exchanging personal contact information (actually this can be done in the responses to First Questions if you write your own answers). After the FCW has ended close out any matches that have never responded.

There will most likely be a FCW over the Memorial Day weekend though I suspect that there may be one sooner.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #4  April 18,2010, 10:20am
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I would strongly advise you against sending a message like that. It makes you sound a little clingy heading in the direction of crazy with some drama queen mixed in. My guess is just about any guy that would get a message like that would close you.

If you're so frustrated, just close the match. You can do that just as easily as he can.
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #5  April 18,2010, 1:43pm
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rheebird wrote :
Will you please read this message and see if it is appropriate and not to harsh to send to him

Doesn't matter. You couldn't send that even if you wanted to.

If you're still wondering whether the match is a subscriber, then I assume you're still in Guided Communication. Once you send First Q's, the ball is in his court. The only thing eH lets you do now is send the match a nudge (after 7 days?), but you don't get to type anything in a nudge. eH sends a generic message to the match saying you're still interested.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  April 18,2010, 5:01pm
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rheebird wrote :
On April 5th, I posted about a match not responding and whether I should send an icebreaker or a message. I tried to send an icebreaker, but for some reason eharmony won't let it go through. I know he has been online because he has added a new photo. Can non-subscribers add photos?
Non-subscribers can have photos, they just can not see your.

Your questions is illogical, however: if you suspect your match is a non-subscriber, then the correct strategy would be to wait until the next free weekend and then use the "nudge."


rheebird wrote :
Here's the message:

Hi,
I thought we would be a good match, but it has become apparent to me that you probably don't feel the same way as you've updated your pictures and haven't responded to my communication. I would still love the chance to get to know you if you are willing to give it a try, but if you aren't would you please be good enough to close this match so I don't feel like I'm suspended in limbo. I think that we share some similar interests and values and I hope you would give me the benefit of getting to know me first.
Oh gosh, no!

Accusing him by stating a behavior and then imputing character. Disaster.

Also sounds clingy.

***

There is no reason not to send a "nudge," while keeping in mind to keep aware of the schedule of the free weekends.

It is, however, a long shot that any one match would respond.

The right style of communication in this situation is that you are busy, he is busy, everyone is busy ... even I am busy despite the fact I post a lot ... and you reminded him that you are funny.

Therefore, I suggest being prepared to have a funny, not an accusing or desperate, tone to your communication.
 
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TotoToo is offline TotoToo Post #7  April 18,2010, 7:39pm
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There will most likely be a FCW over the Memorial Day weekend though I suspect that there may be one sooner.

Newbie Here... what does FCW mean?
 
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