Erratic communication responses


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someguyoneh is offline someguyoneh Post #1  April 17,2010, 3:44pm
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This is mainly a question for the women on here, even though they may have the same problem with men on eharmony. Why do I get matches responding after two sometimes three weeks to the initial set of questions, then no response after that? Why even bother? If I have no interest in somebody I close the match, I don't wait for three weeks respond to their first questions then never answer again. That's psychotic behavior.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #2  April 17,2010, 3:49pm
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Maybe they didn't like your 2nd communication to them, or they lost interest for some other reason, or you're not giving them enough time to reply. If it takes them 2-3 weeks for the first questions, how long do you allow for the next step?

I wouldn't call it psychotic.
 
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cg108 is offline cg108 Post #3  April 17,2010, 11:04pm
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I have similar experiences with men, so much so that I surmise people may be on here for different reasons. Maybe some are more casual about their eHarmony experience and infrequently log in. Now if the other person closes the match, hopefully they check a box to honestly let you know why.

I agree it is bothersome. Last week a match and I communicated back and forth quickly through the guided communication, then all communication ended and I closed the match. No regrets.

Although I can't give you concrete answers I think it's important to remind ourselves to not read too much into these matches and their sproadic contact. Maybe that's how the match treats people in real life. If that's the case then it's not someone worth pursuing and it's best to close the match and move on.

Sorry I can't offer any more insight, but wanted to answer your post.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  April 18,2010, 6:17am
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CG has it right. People have different levels of investment in the process. They are, in the end, simply strangers on the computer until they choose to be otherwise.

And I also agree with MrFlyer that this does not make them psychotic. You might want to reexamine your own perceptions in this. Having expectations of strangers, and then judging them without knowing them won't do you much good and certainly won't do anything to change their ways.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #5  April 18,2010, 7:04am
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Keep in mind everyone is getting matches everyday. Somebody more up their alley may come along, they could get busy with work, who knows. Just realize that if they drop communication with you to pursue that other alley, that alley could dead end and they may come back to you. It sucks to be backburnered, but remember you are just strangers until you meet. You shouldn't have anything invested in them at this stage nor should you expect them to have any obligation to you. Some people take weeks to get through GC, others do it in a day.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  April 18,2010, 7:12am
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I get quite a few matches that do this also. I would not consider these people psychotic and will throw out some reasons for this type of behavior.

1. They are only on for FCWs.

2. They are communicating with a lot of other matches and while the others may hold more interest they are keeping you around as a backup plan.

3. They were farther along with another match, maybe even a first date or two, and wanted to see where that went before communicating with you. There are many people who will only be in the Guided Communication with one person at a time.

3. There are some people (women) who will collect profiles and after they have a collection of profiles and matches that have sent First Questions they then will pay for a one month subscription to communicate with the matches they are most interested in. When the month is up they don't renew and either begin the cycle over or have found someone to date for a while or long term as the case may be.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #7  April 18,2010, 4:47pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :

3. There are some people (women) who will collect profiles and after they have a collection of profiles and matches that have sent First Questions they then will pay for a one month subscription to communicate with the matches they are most interested in. When the month is up they don't renew and either begin the cycle over or have found someone to date for a while or long term as the case may be.
Seriously? We do that? Wow, that's - I don't know, a little disturbing to me. Seems as if that person is only in it for what she can get, not honestly putting herself out there for a process of mutual interest and discovery....I'm just sayin'.
 
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someguyoneh is offline someguyoneh Post #8  April 19,2010, 7:08am
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Thanks for the responses. Maybe I shouldn't use such hyperbole by calling people psychotic, but I didn't mean that literally. Anyways, I think Gr8guyn2008 is on to something in his 3rd theory. Nobody who pays for a dating site would wait three weeks to respond. I have one now, which waited that long to respond, and we are suddenly flying through the communication stages. I'll put it this way; in the time I first posted this thread to writing this response we are in stage three of OC. In this case it may have not worked out with someone else she was pursuing, then she noticed my profile, but it also supports Gr8guy's theory.
 
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pink_blush9 is offline pink_blush9 Post #9  April 20,2010, 5:50pm
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I have requested communication with a lot of men and less than half respond. If someone doesn't respond to your communication request in a timely manner (within 7 days) they are either too busy or are not interested. When I get communication requests I always respond back or close match if I am not interested - it's common courtesy. If you know you're going to be busy for a couple weeks deactivate your account so you don't keep people waiting to hear from you.
 
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unintentional_knight_owl is offline unintentional_knight_owl Post #10  April 24,2010, 3:57am
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cg108 wrote :
I have similar experiences with men, so much so that I surmise people may be on here for different reasons. Maybe some are more casual about their eHarmony experience and infrequently log in. Now if the other person closes the match, hopefully they check a box to honestly let you know why.

I agree it is bothersome. Last week a match and I communicated back and forth quickly through the guided communication, then all communication ended and I closed the match. No regrets.

Although I can't give you concrete answers I think it's important to remind ourselves to not read too much into these matches and their sproadic contact. Maybe that's how the match treats people in real life. If that's the case then it's not someone worth pursuing and it's best to close the match and move on.

Sorry I can't offer any more insight, but wanted to answer your post.


There is the last set of questions where you fill in the blank... that always takes me forever to fill out. I hate it. It makes me anxious... I think to myself "what if this guy closes my match when he sees my answer because he will have to fill out the same paragraph?" I know its stupid but I dread that part. Everything else before and after that part is easy for me...
 
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