Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #1  April 17,2010, 2:43pm
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Sad to say, but about 10% of the women receive about 90% of the requests per some reports. So even if you are not one of those 10%, I'm still curious.

1) Do you ever cull your "inbox" regardless of whether communication requests were sent or not?
2) What % of 5 question senders pass the smell test and do you respond to in your estimation?

If not interested, do you a) close immediately, b) don't respond because you don't want to be mean, c) want to be nice because he seems like a nice guy, so you respond with the intention you will poof or "close" further down the road.

(note: option c is really not nice, it is arguably the cruelest thing to do. I know someone that confessed to doing such a thing).

3) What the predominant reason to close. A) red flag he said in his profile B) unattractive C) not the economic/social status you are looking for D) is attractive, does have a good job..just doesn't seem interesting in his profile E) doesn't share the same interests

I'm curious as to how women use eHarmony. I'm really curious to see how many women admit to doing C: on question number 2, because that really floored me. I'm off to work, but I'm sure other males will be around with their BS detectors this afternoon.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #2  April 17,2010, 2:53pm
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Since fair is fair, I'll answer first.

1) I cull constantly. I want to track if somebody sees my profile or not, so the fewer people in my inbox the fewer "anonymouses" I have.

2/3) Very few women send me 5 questions. I've closed immediately because I was not attracted to them. I enjoy outdoor sports so it makes no sense to date someone that can't enjoy them.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  April 17,2010, 3:28pm
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Mr79percent wrote :
Sad to say, but about 10% of the women receive about 90% of the requests per some reports. So even if you are not one of those 10%, I'm still curious.

1) Do you ever cull your "inbox" regardless of whether communication requests were sent or not?
2) What % of 5 question senders pass the smell test and do you respond to in your estimation?
I respond to about half of those that send me 1st questions or e-mail requests.

Mr79percent wrote :
If not interested, do you a) close immediately, b) don't respond because you don't want to be mean, c) want to be nice because he seems like a nice guy, so you respond with the intention you will poof or "close" further down the road.
I will usually close a match I am not interested in if they send the 1st set of questions and I haven't had time to look over their profile and close them. There is no point in keeping anyone open I am truly not interested in.

Not closing them to not be mean is really just a cop out.

The last option only comes into play if I have hit some orange or yellow flags in their profile. I might want to see if I'm just jumping to a conclusion and want to get through a few questions to see if I want to go further. I will immediately close them if those colored flags turn red.


Mr79percent wrote :
3) What the predominant reason to close. A) red flag he said in his profile B) unattractive C) not the economic/social status you are looking for D) is attractive, does have a good job..just doesn't seem interesting in his profile E) doesn't share the same interests
Depending on what flags have popped up, height, age, indication of heavy religious beliefs, has different lifestyle, doesn't indicate he is interested in anything I am, etc. Sometimes attractiveness comes into play, but I also take into consideration photos aren't always flattering.

Each guy is different so the reasons change with each one.
 
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vds4_cdc is offline vds4_cdc Post #4  April 17,2010, 3:34pm
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I cull off alot, but believe it or not, I also send a communication request if I'm remotely interested. why not? who cares if I get flushed. their loss.

I should fess up - it does bother me to get flushed.....still their loss though.

I don't leave guys hanging. If I find someone physically unattractive - I put "other". If its not that, I generally will find a check box that fits why.

It has NEVER been about money. I make my own money. I don't need a man's money BTW - do you want a woman who factors MONEY into the equation? I almost always earn more money than the men I date. It doesn't bother me, but it seems to bother them. No, I don't flaunt it, they just know I make money based on my unusual profession
Last edited by vds4_cdc; April 18,2010 at 10:37am.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 18,2010, 9:12am
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The title says for women, can I answer?

I look for a couple of deal breakers in the profile then send First Questions if there are not any of my deal breakers. If a deal breaker is there then I close the match.

If a match responds back, great. I will almost always go to Open Communication with a match that is communicating no matter what answers they give in the Guided Communication section.

Any matches that don't respond will just sit until the next FCW. The day before the FCW starts I will send a nudge to those matches. If after the FCW has ended I then go through and close all the matches that have not responded, reason - "Did not respond to my request for communication". This reason will apply to any who poofed on me part way through the communication process.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #6  April 18,2010, 9:54am
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1) Do you ever cull your "inbox" regardless of whether communication requests were sent or not? Yes.

2) What % of 5 question senders pass the smell test and do you respond to in your estimation? I received very few sets of questions when my profile was active; my best guess is that I responded to 25% of them.

If not interested, do you a) close immediately,


3) What the predominant reason to close. A) red flag he said in his profile B) unattractive C) not the economic/social status you are looking for D) is attractive, does have a good job..just doesn't seem interesting in his profile E) doesn't share the same interests F) Any of the above as appropriate except, really, E, unless I am actively opposed to any of his hobbies/activities or he states that he doesn't like mine (I have had more than one match who has has stated he does not like to read. I am a professional editor and writer, so that match is just not going to work!). And note that my definition of "attractive," as well as acceptable "economic/social status" is much wider than some people are likely to assume. I think that that is probably true of most women, actually: we have standards, but they are not unreasonable in real life. I think the only specifically "socio/economic" closes that I ever did were store clerks. There were others in which that was a factor, but there were plenty of other reasons to close.

My guy, matched through eH, is not wealthy at all, though he might seem so because of his foreign work-related travel.
Last edited by Iconography; April 18,2010 at 9:56am. Reason: For the record, I did note the snide little remark about men and their "BS detectors" for the replies we women might make.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #7  April 18,2010, 10:11am
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*wootz shows up with a battered gieger counter*

No clicky-clicky! You good! *grin*
 
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vds4_cdc is offline vds4_cdc Post #8  April 18,2010, 10:21am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
The title says for women, can I answer?

I look for a couple of deal breakers in the profile then send First Questions if there are not any of my deal breakers. If a deal breaker is there then I close the match.
Do you mind listing what a deal breaker might be? I'm afraid I stick my foot in my mouth sometimes and say something that can be misinterpreted or come out all wrong.

I have no problem sending the first set of questions to men, but when i get no response, I wonder what I did wrong or is it all looks and they don't find me even attractive enough to answer five little questions. That stings. I know I am good looking in person but only because I have killer eyes and height and have no trouble with getting asked out where I live. I am really looking for something matched on a deeper level. The matches I have gotten to know on eHA have been good matches on most levels, like cutting out alot of dating people who are not compatible with me.

What's with the lack of response then? Do I have a defect in my profile (I have another thread under using eHA asking for comments on it and trying to tighten it up) or is it my looks? I can polish the profile, but I look like I look like. I don't photograph well. It seems to always show my worse features and my good ones don't translate becuase my eye color is faint.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #9  April 18,2010, 10:30am
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I culled as matches came in based on profile info (or more often, lack of). People who seemed obvious mis-matches (wildly different interests, too much mention of one thing or another, red flags, etc.)

I responded to anyone who attempted to communicate unless there was some obvious deal-breaker (sex talk, signs of massive bitterness, etc.) in the profile. I also initiated communication on every profile I found interesting.

I closed as soon as I knew I wasn't interested in meeting. I generally choose "pursuing other matches" as the reason.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #10  April 18,2010, 10:53am
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vds4_cdc wrote :
I have no problem sending the first set of questions to men, but when i get no response, I wonder what I did wrong or is it all looks and they don't find me even attractive enough to answer five little questions. That stings. I know I am good looking in person but only because I have killer eyes and height and have no trouble with getting asked out where I live. I am really looking for something matched on a deeper level. The matches I have gotten to know on eHA have been good matches on most levels, like cutting out alot of dating people who are not compatible with me.
First of all, good for you sending the five questions to matches. That's a step that plenty of women will not do despite the fact they are paying to use the service.

With any online dating service, you have to develop a thick skin. I know that's easier said than done, but that's the reality of it.

vds4_cdc wrote :
What's with the lack of response then? Do I have a defect in my profile (I have another thread under using eHA asking for comments on it and trying to tighten it up) or is it my looks? I can polish the profile, but I look like I look like. I don't photograph well. It seems to always show my worse features and my good ones don't translate becuase my eye color is faint.
One of the biggest issues is most of your matches are non-paying and cannot respond. Anecdotal evidence is that about 90% of matches are non-paying. eHarmony disputes that number, but will not provide a percentage.

I'm at a point now where I still send the first questions off to almost all of my matches every day, but I stop caring about them until they reply. There was a time when I'd get attached to a profile, but I've since learned that's a very bad philosophy to take.
 
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