Catsetc is offline Catsetc Post #1  April 17,2010, 4:29am
Catsetc's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

Oregon

Posts: 42

See profile

Received a request for fast track to OC today from a match who looks absolutely great on paper and I'm pretty interested in knowing more about. I'd initiated contact with him 2 days prior, sending my 1st set of questions. So I accepted, and read the mail he'd sent. Very polite, began by saying he appreciated my interest and found it VERY (capitals were his, not mine) appealing. Then goes on to explain he's very busy with work right now and free time is non-existent. He is in a profession that I have enough knowledge of to know this is entirely possible it's taking a lot of focus and time. So I'm taking him at his word about that. He went on to say when he does have time he will contact me. (Did add enough later to politely make it clear he doesn't expect me to sit around waiting.) He could have just very easily taken 10 seconds to close the match, but instead wrote this to me. I replied thanking him for giving me a heads about the time constraint issue and saying I'd enjoy hearing from him when he has time. So now, my question is... do I absolutely have to wait to hear from him or at some point would it be appropriate to send a brief message to touch bases without seeming desperate or pushy? What would be a reasonable amount of time to wait to do that? I'm thinking in terms of weeks, not days. And I noticed a photo on his profile taken in a foreign country that I've also visited, so I thought that would make a great conversation starter. Thoughts?
 
  Reply With Quote
DeltaKing is offline DeltaKing Post #2  April 17,2010, 6:31am
DeltaKing's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 221

See profile

Catsetc wrote :
Received a request for fast track to OC today from a match who looks absolutely great on paper and I'm pretty interested in knowing more about. I'd initiated contact with him 2 days prior, sending my 1st set of questions. So I accepted, and read the mail he'd sent. Very polite, began by saying he appreciated my interest and found it VERY (capitals were his, not mine) appealing. Then goes on to explain he's very busy with work right now and free time is non-existent. He is in a profession that I have enough knowledge of to know this is entirely possible it's taking a lot of focus and time. So I'm taking him at his word about that. He went on to say when he does have time he will contact me. (Did add enough later to politely make it clear he doesn't expect me to sit around waiting.) He could have just very easily taken 10 seconds to close the match, but instead wrote this to me. I replied thanking him for giving me a heads about the time constraint issue and saying I'd enjoy hearing from him when he has time. So now, my question is... do I absolutely have to wait to hear from him or at some point would it be appropriate to send a brief message to touch bases without seeming desperate or pushy? What would be a reasonable amount of time to wait to do that? I'm thinking in terms of weeks, not days. And I noticed a photo on his profile taken in a foreign country that I've also visited, so I thought that would make a great conversation starter. Thoughts?
I travel a lot for work, and sometimes I have the same issue with my matches. Some are understanding, some are not.

You can write him one more conversational note without seeming pushy. However, if you write 2 or more times before he writes back, it'll be awkward.

Were I you, I'd wait a week before sending your next note. No real need to wait longer than that.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  April 17,2010, 6:45am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

Personally I would close him out.

I have to wonder why he is on eHarmony if he is not able / interested in communicating, dating and getting to know the people he is matched with.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 17,2010, 6:47am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

DeltaKing wrote :
I travel a lot for work, and sometimes I have the same issue with my matches. Some are understanding, some are not.

You can write him one more conversational note without seeming pushy. However, if you write 2 or more times before he writes back, it'll be awkward.

Were I you, I'd wait a week before sending your next note. No real need to wait longer than that.
When I travel I usually have my laptop and cell phone. Traveling is not an excuse for not being able to communicate.
 
  Reply With Quote
DeltaKing is offline DeltaKing Post #5  April 17,2010, 6:57am
DeltaKing's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 221

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
When I travel I usually have my laptop and cell phone. Traveling is not an excuse for not being able to communicate.
Wow.

I have my work laptop with me when I travel. I don't and won't use company property to access eHarmony.

My smartphone lets me view eH pages, but it won't let me send anything where I have to add text. I could with the old eH design, but not the new one.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  April 17,2010, 9:14am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,085

See profile

I wouldn't worry about whether he's going to perceive you as pushy or desperate. Contact him when you feel enough time has gone by, and you want to.

I don't think it's generally a good idea to try to figure out how a person you don't know is going to react to something you do ... it's all speculation. Just do what seems right to you. If it turns out he doesn't like it, you're probably not a good match. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #7  April 17,2010, 9:29am
Mr79percent's Avatar

So long, farewell.

Pacesetter

Joined: Mar 2010

Posts: 451

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
When I travel I usually have my laptop and cell phone. Traveling is not an excuse for not being able to communicate.

I travel a lot for my work. A lot of women will close me out on that alone. I work 12 to 14 hr days when I'm on the road. I WILL NOT do the first phone call, or long email messages when I'm on the road. I'm too tired and don't necessarily think straight. When tired, I get goofy (see all my posts here yesterday) and although that can be a good thing, it's the type of sense of humor that can creep women out. When in the hypersensitive area of first communications, you better be on your game...one word, one phrase, one pause can ruin it. I try not to be entering that phase when I hit the road, but sometimes it's unavoidable when I have to back to back road trips (which means double the fatigue). Once I have a feel of somebody I'll call or email if tired.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  April 17,2010, 9:44am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,085

See profile

Mr79percent wrote :
I travel a lot for my work. A lot of women will close me out on that alone. I work 12 to 14 hr days when I'm on the road. I WILL NOT do the first phone call, or long email messages when I'm on the road. I'm too tired and don't necessarily think straight. When tired, I get goofy (see all my posts here yesterday) and although that can be a good thing, it's the type of sense of humor that can creep women out. When in the hypersensitive area of first communications, you better be on your game...one word, one phrase, one pause can ruin it. I try not to be entering that phase when I hit the road, but sometimes it's unavoidable when I have to back to back road trips (which means double the fatigue). Once I have a feel of somebody I'll call or email if tired.
Mr79% -- if I were matched with you and you just sent me this explanation as an email I'd be content and happy to wait. But if I just didn't hear anything, I'd assume you had no interest and forget about you!
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #9  April 17,2010, 9:55am
Mr79percent's Avatar

So long, farewell.

Pacesetter

Joined: Mar 2010

Posts: 451

See profile

Sassafras54 wrote :
Mr79% -- if I were matched with you and you just sent me this explanation as an email I'd be content and happy to wait. But if I just didn't hear anything, I'd assume you had no interest and forget about you!
I do send a short message that I'm working hard and I'll call when I'm back in town. Normally when I'm in town for an extended period of time, I can't seem to get anywhere on eH. Once I hit the road for a week, things seem to heat up...it's uncanny--and I sometimes wonder if there is something to this seasonality. My busy periods are spring and fall. I attribute my better responses in September/October to the upcoming holiday seasons. I think people get worried about spending the holidays alone so they become more receptive. Don't forget January is the biggest month for breakups just because people hold off until after the holidays. Summer I find is an absolute dead zone. I can't explain why matches are more receptive in spring though.
 
  Reply With Quote
mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #10  April 17,2010, 9:57am
mrflyer's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

my computer

Posts: 2,948

See profile

I'd take the guy at his word and wait for him to get back to you. Meanwhile, I would continue communicating with other people since you never know if things are going to work out with him.

There's no point in closing him now unless there's something else about him you don't like- might as well see if he gets back in touch like he says he will.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« A group request/petition to EH: profiles need to show date of last login | Using eHarmony | Disappointed with E-harmony »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Trail of Thoughts - my newly created blog La_Piglet Creative Writing! 3 April 13,2010 4:05pm
"Submission" and your thoughts cloudedleopard Christian Singles 29 September 14,2009 10:14pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:23pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0