Melanie2727 is offline Melanie2727 Post #1  April 16,2010, 3:31pm
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I should start by saying I am completely new to eharmony and wouldn't you know my very first open communication poses me with this problem. He states that he doesn't like email and would rather talk to me on aim (aol instant messenger) or I can text or call him... Well I don't have aim and I think it is much to soon to be texting or calling him... so should I just say that? I mean there are plenty of fish in the sea, so I shouldn't have to jump through hoops to talk to people, like download aim or something, right? I'm not crazy about giving out my number early on, I'd rather meet someone in person and know I never have to see them again then have some crazy person have my number. I can get a better sense from a face to face meeting then wasting time talking on the phone only to realize once I meet them that I am not interested. Part of me is tempted to download the aim cause I really don't mind... but then I feel like I'm giving him special treatment that he may not deserve...
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  April 16,2010, 4:34pm
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if you arent comfortable giving out your number you should definitely get a pay as you go phone to give to people till you feel more comfortable
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #3  April 16,2010, 4:37pm
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I think eH also offers a secure call service.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  April 16,2010, 4:39pm
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The prepaid phone is a good idea for dating. Also, the point is to meet and determine if this is someone you'd like to date - not to have a penpal / IM pal. Maybe suggest a first meeting in a public place in daytime and only spend an hour or so. That will give you enough information to know whether or not you want to bother with a prepaid phone or IM.

Best to be as flexible as you feel safe being. There are a lot of things that can hinder online dating. There's no point in adding more to the list.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  April 16,2010, 4:56pm
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Melanie2727 wrote :
I think it is much to soon to be texting or calling him... so should I just say that? I mean there are plenty of fish in the sea, so I shouldn't have to jump through hoops to talk to people, like download aim or something, right? I'm not crazy about giving out my number early on, I'd rather meet someone in person and know I never have to see them again then have some crazy person have my number. I can get a better sense from a face to face meeting then wasting time talking on the phone only to realize once I meet them that I am not interested. Part of me is tempted to download the aim cause I really don't mind... but then I feel like I'm giving him special treatment that he may not deserve...

Well, you sure are a breath of fresh air! Since most women explicity expect special treatment for themselves. Oops, you are too (except you don't need to bla bla bla on the phone.)

***

If your core concern is not giving out your number (not that he should be wasting any further effort, if you're not willing to show any), I think there are ways to call him and conceal your number. (Though you might want to consider the message you're sending, with that.)

If you simply don't like calls, then I would be fine with a woman who preferred e-mails.

If you prefer to meet quickly, I agree with this (though now you have the problem, that some people on this service feel that the person who first suggests meeting is somehow asking the other person on a date, and is thus obligated to pay. Seems you have a conumdrum?)
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #6  April 16,2010, 4:57pm

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yes, tell him how you actually feel. I always do. I never like to go straight to phone, definitley not text and IM is too annoying, I hate being constantly interrupted on the computer.
 
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phoenix888 is offline phoenix888 Post #7  April 16,2010, 5:15pm
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Well, OP, you seem pretty guarded. That may keep you feeling safe, but it also won't get you many dates. As PT stated, Eharmony DOES offer a secure phone call option.

For myself, I know I do like to have at least a quick phone call before meeting to get a better gauge of the person I'm going to meet. You can only tell so much from an e-mail. Speaking of which... be glad you haven't started communicating with a guy who will just e-mail you for months only to disappear without ever meeting. Yes, there are those.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #8  April 16,2010, 5:25pm

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it's one thing to draw out emails for weeks or months. It's another when a guy asks me for a phone call without any emailing. It's a major turn off for me. A few back and forth emails is standard.
 
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penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #9  April 16,2010, 5:46pm
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cp30 wrote :
yes, tell him how you actually feel. I always do. I never like to go straight to phone, definitley not text and IM is too annoying, I hate being constantly interrupted on the computer.
I agree with this advice. If you're not comfortable, let him know you'd prefer email. He might not understand that it's an issue for you.
 
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Melanie2727 is offline Melanie2727 Post #10  April 16,2010, 7:06pm
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cp30 wrote :
it's one thing to draw out emails for weeks or months. It's another when a guy asks me for a phone call without any emailing. It's a major turn off for me. A few back and forth emails is standard.
I think this is more what I had in mind... emailing for a little while and then if I feel comfortable and giving out my number... but the less I have to give it out the better- so definitely not right off the bat when I haven't had any communication with them. Eharmony does offer some kind of phone service that I could look into I guess. I am a texting person though. I think once I get going with this I''ll probably just get used to giving my number out, I just wasn't expecting someone to want to talk on the phone that fast.

Oh a side note, I ended up deciding to close the match for other reasons so I didn't have to worry about it after all. Thank you!
 
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