Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #1  April 13,2010, 7:10pm
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Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

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If you happen to be sitting at your computer and receive a match notification from EH, check out your new matches and find one in particular fascinating, does an immediate request for communication smack of desparation? My first reaction was "Wow, where have YOU been?" However, I would hate for it to appear that all I do is sit in front of my computer waiting patiently for a new match to appear. I do other stuff, too. I promise.
My question to you guys is "How soon is too soon?" Or is there such a thing as 'too soon'?
 
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coffeetogoplease is offline coffeetogoplease Post #2  April 13,2010, 7:33pm
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are we there yet?

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I am not much of a rule follower or dating game player. I initiate if I am interested whenever I see the profile. I am flattered when a match responds quickly - whether initiating or responding to my questions - I take it as a signal of interest, not desperation.
 
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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #3  April 13,2010, 10:14pm
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If you're talking about initial notification of a match, I don't think it really matters much. It's a legit question and I've pondered it myself a bit, but here's my logic: eH only lists the date, not the time, of a match being made. Therefore, how does she (in your case, he) know I initiated contact 2 minutes after the match was made, unless she is checking for new matches every 2 minutes, and if that's true, then she's not going to judge, right?

I will admit, though, that I sometimes intentionally delay my response during stages of communication because I don't want to seem like I check my Matches page every 2 minutes. I generally check it a few times each morning, and a few times each evening, but there are occasional days when I'm bored and I check it more often, just to have something to break the monotony. But my new eH match doesn't need to know that.
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #4  April 13,2010, 10:51pm
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If you don't, your competition will.
 
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seg is offline seg Post #5  April 14,2010, 12:32am
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HI I was just curious about contact ettiquite!! I mean the old-fashioned part of me wants to wait and see if any of my matches contact me rather than be really forward and contact them first. What is the norm - who goes first generally, the boys or the girls????
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #6  April 14,2010, 4:28am
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illustrator wrote :
If you don't, your competition will.
Yup.

I'm not going to set any kind of clock so I can play a game and somehow show I'm not desperate. I'm going to get to something at my soonest convenience. If that means I'm on the computer right at that time, so be it.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #7  April 14,2010, 7:36am
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illustrator wrote :
If you don't, your competition will.
MicMan wrote :
Yup.

I'm not going to set any kind of clock so I can play a game and somehow show I'm not desperate. I'm going to get to something at my soonest convenience. If that means I'm on the computer right at that time, so be it.
Couldn't agree more. When I have the opportunity, I respond, and if that happens to be the exact moment when the match is delivered, then so be it. If a judgment is made as a result, then I guess it's not such a great match after all, right?
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #8  April 14,2010, 8:19am

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Dropdeadredtx: Very glad to see that you are being encouraged to go for it. In line with illustrator's comment, if you are matched with someone you are really interested in, don't you want to get their attention before others?

Also, I know that members are concerned sometimes about appearing desperate. And while I get that members don't want to give the appearance that they are just sitting by their computer waiting to communicate, there is no secret as to why everyone is on eHarmony; right?

So, even if you take a little time before responding to a communication request -- which isn't entirely a bad idea since it gives you have a chance to evaluate your interactions; I encourage you not to hesitate to get the ball rolling!

seg: While I can't provide you with any percentages, many women initiate communication with their matches. As in Dropdeadredtx's case, if you are really interested in a match, why sit back and possibly let another member catch that match's eye? Also, there are some men who, for whatever, reason don't initiate communication. In that case, inaction on both your sides will result in a "deadlocked" match.

Whether you purchased a 1-month or a 12-month subscription, I believe, the best way to make the most of your time, is to be proactive and initiate communication whether you are a man or a woman.

Keep in mind that you are showing a match that you are interested in them when you send them the first set of questions, and I believe that most members, like coffeetogoplease, are flattered when the receive a communication request.

All the best,

-Renee
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Jenn3731 is offline Jenn3731 Post #9  April 14,2010, 10:54am
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Hi I am having trouble nobody is responding to me at all. I had one guy at the begin then he left. Is there a way to get them to respond quicker?
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #10  April 14,2010, 4:44pm
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Jenn3731 wrote :
Hi I am having trouble nobody is responding to me at all. I had one guy at the begin then he left. Is there a way to get them to respond quicker?
No, you really can't dictate someone else's communication style. About the best you can do is send them a nudge.

Also, many people disappear with no warning at every stage of the process. Around here, we call them poofers.
 
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