Should women make the first contact?


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inexperienced51 is offline inexperienced51 Post #1  April 12,2010, 10:26am
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Should women make the first contact or should they wait for the man?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  April 12,2010, 3:16pm
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Yes! You are paying for a service.

You wouldn't join a gym and expect the treadmill to swing by your house every morning to pick you up, would you?
Last edited by TrekRyder10; April 12,2010 at 3:18pm. Reason: with e-dating it does not matter who make first contact.
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #3  April 12,2010, 3:19pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
You wouldn't join a gym and expect the treadmill to swing by your house every morning to pick you up, would you?

Some people do, when they realize they're actually suppose to put forth some effort.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #4  April 12,2010, 4:00pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
You wouldn't join a gym and expect the treadmill to swing by your house every morning to pick you up, would you?
I'm already being charged for the gym- do I have to use the equipment, too?
 
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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #5  April 12,2010, 4:08pm
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I wish more women would make the first move, but I think that about regular dating as well. The truth is, as progressive as our culture has become with regard to gender-related mores, one rule hasn't changed: The man is expected to make the first move. There are exceptions, but even among self-identified feminists the rule is strong.

I don't really like it but it's a world I've come to accept.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #6  April 12,2010, 4:08pm
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I was on eHarmony twice, for 3 months at a time, a couple of years apart. I got a 4 month relationship out of the first time and my current relationship out of the second time. Both times, I initiated contact and it paid off.

Make contact!

The first time, I was the only woman out of (I believe) about 200 matches that had the nerve to contact him. The only one. Absolutely made me stand out, and that piqued his interest, so he replied. We ended up dating for 4 months.

The second time, I did the same thing. He says he would have contacted me if I hadn't, but it didn't put me in a bad light at all. If anything, it made him feel appreciated, since he knows I find him attractive. It wouldn't surprise me at all if we ended up getting married, and we're getting ready to move in together.

The only time I wouldn't would be if I was looking for an extremely traditional man, like one who didn't believe women should ever work or something like that. I can see them being turned off by the woman initiating contact. But I would guess this is an incredibly small segment of the male population. The vast majority of men I've heard from say they would be very flattered. And one of the best ways to make people feel good about you is to make them feel good about themselves.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #7  April 12,2010, 4:20pm
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chawks64 wrote :
The first time, I was the only woman out of (I believe) about 200 matches that had the nerve to contact him. The only one. Absolutely made me stand out, and that piqued his interest, so he replied. We ended up dating for 4 months.
This is a great point. I notice matches that initiate contact because they are so few and far between. They stand out and they make an impression in a very good way.


chawks64 wrote :
If anything, it made him feel appreciated, since he knows I find him attractive.
There's this too.

chawks64 wrote :
The vast majority of men I've heard from say they would be very flattered. And one of the best ways to make people feel good about you is to make them feel good about themselves.
And this too.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  April 12,2010, 4:37pm

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inexperienced51 wrote :
Should women make the first contact or should they wait for the man?
Hi Inexperienced51,

Welcome to eHarmony and eHarmony Advice!

From the guy-members that I have spoken with (and as you can see here so far), I would say that they by and large deeply appreciate it when women initiate communication.

If you are traditional in your approach to “gender roles”, however, you may keep a few things in mind – initiating communication isn’t the same thing as pursuing someone – it is the equivalent of walking up to someone at a party or in a coffee shop and striking up a conversation. This isn’t the same thing as declaring that you’re going to start courting them!

Furthermore, if traditional gender roles are important to you, there’s always sending an Icebreaker. This is sort of like smiling at someone across the room and flirting.

Good luck with everything. We’ll look forward to seeing you join us for more discussions.

All the best,

~Kate
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  April 12,2010, 6:22pm
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chawks64 wrote :

...
The only time I wouldn't would be if I was looking for an extremely traditional man, like one who didn't believe women should ever work or something like that. I can see them being turned off by the woman initiating contact. But I would guess this is an incredibly small segment of the male population. The vast majority of men I've heard from say they would be very flattered. And one of the best ways to make people feel good about you is to make them feel good about themselves.
I am going to go out on a limb here and suspect that a guy like that would probably be turned off by the woman even being on an internet dating site.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  April 12,2010, 6:24pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
Yes! You are paying for a service.
...
What he said!
 
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