fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #1  April 11,2010, 7:51pm
fanofsteel's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2010

Posts: 100

See profile

We've all had the experience of someone showing initial interest, maybe getting as far as Open Communication, and then suddenly disappearing. I've developed pretty thick skin about it because it's just the way things work on eH. But I can't help wondering why people do this. You're not interested in me anymore? OK, I understand that; it happens. But why be so inconsiderate as to not close me out so I at least get some closure?

What's up with that?!
 
  Reply With Quote
Rynok is offline Rynok Post #2  April 11,2010, 8:53pm
Rynok's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2010

San Antonio, TX

Posts: 19

See profile

Ever been on other dating sites? The free one I was on, the standard policy by 90% of the women you message is to never respond to messages at all (some would view the profile, but most didn't). The other 9% responds in 30s or less. It's the way of the internet and the whole impersonal online aspect of it.

Much easier for me to ignore you and go on with my life than it is to be considerate and tell you that I'm no longer interested/available.
 
  Reply With Quote
passat1 is offline passat1 Post #3  April 11,2010, 9:15pm
passat1's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2008

Taunton, Massachusetts

Posts: 274

See profile

It's ok with the free sites. You don't invest anything there, therefore members can do whatever they want. The OP is asking about why it's happening on the paid sites like Eharmony. First possible answer is matches suddenly lost interest in the other match, but do not have courage/courtesy to say it or hit the close button. Other reason is they did not considered seriously involving in looking for relationship on internet site/s. Lastly it can be their family status- married with children just looking for some fun, when getting bored with the family issues.
It turned out 2 of my matches to whom I made it to
Open Communication were already engaged, but did not bother turning off the switch on matching. And answers were cliches like: I was very busy- with family, school, medical problems. I decided to play a little with one poofing match and sent her personal email, asking a few questions why she was not replying and if it was for any of the above mentioned reasons and if she was for real. Again the trivial answer- I was just going to write you but I was busy, my life is hectic and so on. Who knows, may be she had a period on the free weekend, when she rerplied all questions and made it to OC. However the Monday after FCW, her period ended and communication dried up too.
 
  Reply With Quote
mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #4  April 11,2010, 10:52pm
mrflyer's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

my computer

Posts: 2,948

See profile

In my experience, this is what 90% of women do when they decide they aren't interested, and it's got nothing to do with online dating. (I'm sure men do, too, but I don't date them.)

Some of them take it a step farther and get annoyed at the man when he calls them, because he was supposed to know of their disinterest that he was never told about.

A few weeks ago I met someone (who was the one who pushed for the meeting) and she completely ignored me (mostly walking a couple paces ahead), making no attempt at conversation or anything. Does anyone think she deserves a phone call after that?

The psychology of it is "I'm not interested in you, so why should I contact you?" - which is rather logical.

This is the only place where people make it an issue and give it a name.
 
  Reply With Quote
MicMan is offline MicMan Post #5  April 12,2010, 4:27am
MicMan's Avatar

is living life to 83% of its normal capacity.

Board Leader - Sports

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 2,965

See profile

fanofsteel wrote :
But why be so inconsiderate as to not close me out so I at least get some closure?
Because they don't want to hurt your feelings or some bunk like that.
 
  Reply With Quote
Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #6  April 12,2010, 6:43am

:o)

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2008

Pennsylvania

Posts: 320

See profile

How about this. How about after being in a relationship with someone you break up with and/or they poof and totally refuse to return your belongings to you? What is up with that? Even if it's just a cd or something you want back. Why not put it in the freakin mail??
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  April 12,2010, 8:56am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

They stop communicating with you because they have multiple people that they are communicating with at the same time. One of their other matches is more interesting to them than you are. However, being experienced and realists they don't want to be too hasty to close you because they know that the likelihood of whoever is their most interesting match lasting long term is slim to none. Therefore they leave you open in case they need plan "B".
 
  Reply With Quote
Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #8  April 12,2010, 8:59am

:o)

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2008

Pennsylvania

Posts: 320

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
They stop communicating with you because they have multiple people that they are communicating with at the same time. One of their other matches is more interesting to them than you are. However, being experienced and realists they don't want to be too hasty to close you because they know that the likelihood of whoever is their most interesting match lasting long term is slim to none. Therefore they leave you open in case they need plan "B".
(Don't mean to hijack the thread, just adding to the big question

Do you think he is holding my cd (actually it's a plate) as hostage in case he want's me back as his plan B?? Does it go that deep? Being on the back burner with eH matches seems no different
Last edited by Monica1; April 12,2010 at 9:02am. Reason: afterthought
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  April 12,2010, 9:01am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

Monica1 wrote :
How about this. How about after being in a relationship with someone you break up with and/or they poof and totally refuse to return your belongings to you? What is up with that? Even if it's just a CD or something you want back. Why not put it in the freakin mail??
I could say something but I would illicit a great many vituperative comments.

So I will just say I don't know.
 
  Reply With Quote
Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #10  April 12,2010, 9:11am

:o)

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2008

Pennsylvania

Posts: 320

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I could say something but I would illicit a great many vituperative comments.


So I will just say I don't know.
Aw man, please? I'm slow. I even had to look up "vituperative" LOL. I really want my plate! But I do not want you to receive vituperative comments because of me
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Heads up: no more way to tell non-members | Using eHarmony | Profile review please »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
The poofing phenomenon passat1 Using eHarmony 32 September 24,2009 7:54pm
Poofing Emmma Using eHarmony 14 July 3,2009 6:53am
You HAD me at goodbye... (had me poofing) KungFuFtr Dating 15 July 3,2009 5:16am
New term for poofing cfibl AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 15 June 23,2009 5:33pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:17pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0