Ladies: Icebreaker or Emails?


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Ravenlock99 is offline Ravenlock99 Post #1  April 11,2010, 8:21am
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I wanted to get a female perspective on whether you prefer to receive an icebreaker first from a guy or an email?

I feel an icebreaker is to passive since most women seem to like men to be at least a little bold and take the initiative. Unfortunately, I am not a very bold man or I wouldn't be on here asking for advice.

Now I know there is no right or wrong answer on this subject, but I just wanted to at least see what the majority of women seem to prefer as a first contact method.

Thanks!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  April 11,2010, 9:48am
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If you are a paying member NEVER send an IceBreaker. An IceBreaker is widely seen as an indication that you are a non-paying member as it is the only form of communication that a non-paying member can do.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #3  April 11,2010, 9:56am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If you are a paying member NEVER send an IceBreaker. An IceBreaker is widely seen as an indication that you are a non-paying member as it is the only form of communication that a non-paying member can do.
I disagree. I've had plenty of paying members send me icebreakers, and I've never viewed them in a negative light. I really don't know where people come up with these unwritten rules.

I think that if a person wants to start off with an icebreaker, there's nothing wrong with that. Go for it. That's why it's there. If someone gets hung up on that and wants to judge you negatively for doing so, then do you really want to pass any amount of time with them? I know I wouldn't want to because they'd just be too uptight for me!
 
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Work_in_Progress is offline Work_in_Progress Post #4  April 11,2010, 10:10am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If you are a paying member NEVER send an IceBreaker. An IceBreaker is widely seen as an indication that you are a non-paying member as it is the only form of communication that a non-paying member can do.

Yep, what he said, plus a lot of guys who send them tend to choose the wink, which a lot of women, myself included, find pretty lame.

An e-mail indicating interest doesn't have to be anything terribly long or creative; if you just introduce yourself, state why you feel you might be a good match, and ask her to respond if she's interested, that's good enough for most people, I think.

The important thing is to read profiles carefully, and consider not only whether each person has the qualities you're looking for, but also whether you have what she appears to be looking for, and then contact only those who seem to have real potential.

Best of luck to you!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 11,2010, 10:12am
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brneyedangel wrote :
I disagree. I've had plenty of paying members send me icebreakers, and I've never viewed them in a negative light. I really don't know where people come up with these unwritten rules.

I think that if a person wants to start off with an icebreaker, there's nothing wrong with that. Go for it. That's why it's there. If someone gets hung up on that and wants to judge you negatively for doing so, then do you really want to pass any amount of time with them? I know I wouldn't want to because they'd just be too uptight for me!
You are welcome to disagree with me. I am simply stating a truth.

The only form of communication that a non-paying member can do is to send an IceBreaker.

From many other threads on these boards a great many other posters have said the same thing that I did. Sending an IceBreaker is VIEWed as an indication that the person is a non-paying member. I did not say that they necessarily are but it certainly sends that message. And in my experience every match that has sent me an IceBreaker has never responded to my communications. It did not matter if they sent an IceBreaker before I had sent First Questions or in response to my sending First Questions.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; April 11,2010 at 10:17am.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #6  April 11,2010, 10:26am
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Man up and send the five questions. They're just five questions, not a marriage proposal. There are many women that expect a man to take the lead, so go for it. Will you get rejected by some? Assuredly, but you just need to move on and keep trying.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  April 11,2010, 10:58am

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Hi Ravenlock99,

Welcome to eHarmony and eHarmony Advice!

Icebreakers have their place: testing the waters, using it as a warm, friendly way to start off, and practically speaking there is one, for example, that indicates that you do like the profile but would like to see a picture before proceeding. That can be a helpful way to “educate” your match and find out more about her through getting a visual aid before proceeding. Once you get the response, don't wait to send questions!

Looking forward to seeing you in more discussions,

~Kate
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #8  April 11,2010, 11:15am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If you are a paying member NEVER send an IceBreaker. An IceBreaker is widely seen as an indication that you are a non-paying member as it is the only form of communication that a non-paying member can do.
Gr8Guyn2008, I am starting to change my mind on Ice-breakers and what they actually indicate. Yes I would rather have a match send me a communication request. What I am experiencing is a lot of matches coming over from Match.com. Where winks are the norm for women!

FWIW: I am in OC and the last part of stage 3 with two matches right now, both which started out with them sending me an Ice-breaker.


Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
From many other threads on these boards a great many other posters have said the same thing that I did. Sending an IceBreaker is VIEWed as an indication that the person is a non-paying member.
We have all read those threads. Not once have I read that anyone receiving an Ice-breaker that in turn, closed out a match.

If I get to OC or a first meet up, Then who cares how it started.

What would be useful is: An icebreaker that says..
Your profile caught my attention.. Let’s chat during the next FCW!
Last edited by TrekRyder10; April 11,2010 at 11:23am.
 
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Catsetc is offline Catsetc Post #9  April 11,2010, 12:00pm
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My own thought is that an icebreaker is too much like just fishing and an e mail shows more interest. So I'd prefer an e mail. But that's just my own opinion. You just do whatever is more comfortable for you.
 
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Ravenlock99 is offline Ravenlock99 Post #10  April 11,2010, 1:40pm
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Hey guys, thanks for all the advice so far! People have brought up good points on both sides of the argument.

I guess one of the reasons I asked this question is because I have sent icebreakers before and have got no response for days or weeks. Then, for the heck of it, I will just send the same people an email introducing myself and they usually respond and we have good conversation.

I guess that kind of experience has made me feel that icebreakers are a waste of time. Like many have said though, I guess it just all depends on the type of girl she is or if she is in conversations already with other people.
 
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