Give me your advice on this


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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #1  April 11,2010, 5:09am
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Recently eH matched me with a woman I've known from church circles for a few years -- let's call her A. I would call her an acquaintance because I don't know her well but when I see her at church every few weeks or so, we always have brief but pleasant conversations. I've always found her attractive and always wondered if she's single (have never seen her with a guy attached).

She's the kind of person I would ask out in person except for one thing: She's pretty close friends with a woman eH matched me to two years ago -- let's call her B. B and I went out on one date and I was certainly interested in more, and told her so, but she was not. I see B at the same church and we are friendly but there's always that slight awkwardness that comes from hanging out with someone who turned you down. So I've never asked A out because when one girl rejects you, it seems inappropriate to go chasing after her best friend, right?

But recently I was matched with A on eH. A has not shown up on my "Who's Viewed Me" page so I have no way of knowing whether she has a paying membership or if she's even seen that we've been matched. For all I know, she could've let her eH subscription run out months ago and could be in a serious relationship by now.

There are several possible courses of action:
1) Ask her out in person (the boldest)
2) Initiate communication via eH
3) Email her (I'm not sure why I have her email address because I can't remember ever emailing her but we have several mutual friends so it's not that odd)
4) Stay the heck away because it's too complicated
5) Something else?

I think I've pretty much decided my course of action on this but I thought I'd invite feedback from posters on eHA just to see what you think.

OK, fire away.
Last edited by fanofsteel; April 11,2010 at 5:34am. Reason: Reads easier this way
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  April 11,2010, 6:46am
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Ask her out in person. The eH thing can be mentioned as a conversation starter. Take one for the team and go for it.

Come back and tell us what happens. Inquiring minds want to know.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #3  April 11,2010, 8:44am
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Yay! spring has sprung.

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What tweet said.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 11,2010, 8:51am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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There are a few things to consider here.

1. The fact that Miss A and Miss B are friends really should not have anything to do with asking out Miss A.

2. Dating someone you are involved with in another situation, such as work with, go to church with, participate in an activity group with, etc. is not a good idea in my opinion. If it does not work out you will continue to see each other on a regular basis, as you well know with Miss B.

3. If you decide to ask Miss A out it would be best to do it in person as she may not be a paying member on eHarmony. As tweet37 suggested you can use the matching on eHarmony as an introduction to ask her out. If she is receptive to your invitation you may even want to use the Guided Communication questions as some fun conversation.
 
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theprincessbride is offline theprincessbride Post #5  April 11,2010, 11:37am
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A question for you: Are you going to let someone who turned you down determine your future relationships? I hope not. Ask her in person by bringing the eHarmony subject -- not by asking her directly if she is there or not, meaning, you know she is in eH but don't know if she's a paying member or her profile is 2560 years old. Good luck.
 
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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #6  April 11,2010, 12:39pm
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Thanks, everyone, for your advice. I have an update on this one. (This update happened before my original post but I wanted to gauge your opinions before complicating it with this next development.)

I decided that the next time I saw her I would strike up a conversation with her, maybe test the waters a little bit, to see how receptive she is to conversation with me, and to ask her out if I got a good vibe.

So I approached her after mass was over and made small talk for a few minutes. Then I said, "Hey, want to go out for a drink?" This was at 7:30 pm on a Sunday evening and there were several bars and restaurants in short walking distance so it seemed a reasonable invitation.

Miss A: "Oh, I really wish I could but I haven't had dinner yet today so I really need to get something to eat."

Me: "No problem; I haven't eaten yet either so we can go somewhere that serves food."

Miss A: "Oh, but I have some dinner thawing out on my kitchen counter so I should really go home and eat that. Maybe some other time."

And with that, I resigned. I can understand not wanting to waste food, but I figure if I really had a chance with this girl, then spending time with me should rank above a frozen TV dinner, right? I interpret this as her kind way of letting me down easy and I don't want to be that guy that can't take a hint.

Would you agree with that interpretation, or am I giving up too easily?
 
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Rynok is offline Rynok Post #7  April 11,2010, 4:10pm
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Your interpretation is right on. Girls will never come out and say "Hey, thanks but I'm not really into you". They are always shady answers like that...you could of told from the first actually.

If a girl you liked asked you to go for dinner, and you had dinner plans with your family, do you think you would say "Hey, I can't. I got dinner with my family tonight."? No, even if you couldn't skip it and it was mandatory you would say "Hey, I can't, but I would really love to. How about Monday?".

I wish they were more clear about that stuff but that's the way of things.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #8  April 11,2010, 4:38pm

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fanofsteel wrote :
And with that, I resigned. I can understand not wanting to waste food, but I figure if I really had a chance with this girl, then spending time with me should rank above a frozen TV dinner, right? I interpret this as her kind way of letting me down easy and I don't want to be that guy that can't take a hint.

Would you agree with that interpretation, or am I giving up too easily?
Yeah, being rejected over Stouffer's frozen Lasagna kinda sucks.

You've gotten the ball rolling...and next time you see her, just play it cool and smile. If she never bring it up or even try to initiate small talk with you, then yeah it's pretty much game over.

Plus you'd never get far with those church girls anyway! (Unless they're naughty catholic ones)
 
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Rynok is offline Rynok Post #9  April 11,2010, 4:41pm
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I think you would be simply amazed at how far those "church girls" go. To date, I don't think I've met a church girl that I was interested in that stuck to her "moral values" that the church carrys. It was actually kinda upsetting in college to learn this because I figured church would be a better place to find similarities, but whatever.
 
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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #10  April 11,2010, 6:58pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Yeah, being rejected over Stouffer's frozen Lasagna kinda sucks.
I know, right? The least she could've done was lie to me and say she was going to have a gourmet dinner or something. Being rejected for frozen food is so, I don't know, COLD!
 
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