Dear Potential Match: Is my perfume too strong or is my profile scaring you off?


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Lovely_Leo is offline Lovely_Leo Post #1  April 8,2010, 1:35pm
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First, let me say: this is NOT meant to be an eH or man bashing thread. The title was meant to be humorous, but I'm seriously interested in positive, constructive feedback ...

My 3 month membership is nearly up and of the almost 300 matches I've received during my membership, not one man has initiated communication. I'm determined not let my membership go to waste and initiated communication with every match that seemed even remotely interesting or compatible - just in case he might be "too shy" to make the first move. (Someone has to reach out if two people are going to connect, right?)

I've had 5 respond and only completed GC twice and one of those times was so that my match could send me a length "philosophical ramble" about why he wants a hot chick (apparently not me) Even taking into consideration the number of free members who can't communicate back, men who are clearly incompatible with me and fake accounts, these numbers seem alarmingly *low*

Considering that of nearly 300 matches NONE of them initiated contact, I've started to wonder if maybe the problem is *me* I've taken the time to learn about what I want, what's important to me and my values. I've taken the time to set goals and am actively working towards them. I'm fun, easy-going, adventurous, confident, dependable, live a fairly balanced life, have great communications skills, etc etc etc .... all the things that I've been told men want to marry ... but maybe I'm coming off as intimidating instead of appealing ...?

I've been mulling this over for about a week and a 1/2, gone over my profile for ways to maybe be less intimidating or whatever and I'm stumped. So, I'm humbly asking for a little constructive criticism and suggestions on my profile - especially from the men out there.

~*~

(My main profile photo is the same as my avatar here, but I have several others posted as well)

The one thing I'm most passionate about: I love the work I do - it's an extension of my Self which creates some pretty powerful passion. Most of the work I do involves something artistic and/or projects that better my community.

The most important thing I'm looking for in a person is: Integrity is sexy. I find a man who has a clear sense of values and sticks to them very attractive. Since this quality requires self-respect and confidence in his own identity, it's a key component for what I'm looking for :-)

Occupation: Self-Employed
Age: 37
Height: 5' 4"
Wants Kids: Yes
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks: A few times a year
Smokes: Never

The most influential person in my life has been: I have been blessed with many teachers, guides, books, movies, relatives, friends and even strangers who have all influenced me and helped shape me into the amazing woman I am. I am so grateful that there is always a good mentor nearby for me to look to for positive influence.

The three things which I'm most thankful for: 1) My own personal relationship with my creator, which gives me the confidence to allow others to have their own beliefs and spiritual relationships; 2) The people who love and support me both in successes and when I land on my face; 3) My personal strength of character; knowing that I maintained integrity and never gave up when things were darkest

Three of my best life-skills are: 1) Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness; 2) Achieving personal goals; 3) Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me is: Wow. Good question. I've noticed that people are sometimes surprised that I ask smart questions or have a strong grasp of a topic. I find it odd that "intellectual prowess" is unexpected .... LOL I guess I wish that people would notice that I'm more than just a pretty face ;-)

The things I can't live without are:
  1. My spirituality
  2. Time with friends, family & my kitties
  3. Being near/in/on the water
  4. My camera
  5. Books & Music

The first thing people notice about me is: I like to find the humour in situations, so my laugh is the one of the first things people notice about me.

Some additional information I wanted you to know is: I want the freedom to be a hands-on mom and wife, to travel for education or fun and to pursue projects of interest. So, I am currently working at establishing passive income to help me achieve financial freedom within the next few years. I would like a partner who wants the same and will work toward this goal with me. While money can't buy happiness, but it does provide the freedom to focus on things that bring joy into my life.

I typically spends my leisure time: Doing something artistic (write, photography, art, etc.). Reading. Time with friends and/or family. Watching movies. Swimming. Boggle & other games. I have an elliptical and fitness ball in my home office that provide a nice break. I occasionally enjoy various physical activities; tossing a football, throwing the Frisbee, volleyball, hiking, cycling, horseback riding. I've even been known to play a bit of street hockey and one-on-one basketball. I like travelling and exploring, whether abroad or just around the Ottawa Valley. The physical activities and travel usually depend on finances and the company I'm with.

The last book I read and enjoyed: I'm reading"The Difference" by Jean Chatzky and love it. It breaks down the characteristics that separate people who are "wealthy" from those who are financially stable, living pay-to-pay or going further in debt. I'm learning so much and appreciate the exercises included. It's uplifting to see how many of the characteristic I already have and exciting to do the exercises to incorporate more of them into my life.

My friends describe me as:
  1. Outgoing
  2. Spiritual
  3. Creative
  4. Passionate

One thing that only my best friends know is: When I decided I wanted a tattoo, it was to symbolize a significant turning point in my existence. I spent a year contemplating whether I could commit to having something inked into my flesh for the rest of my life. Once I decided that I could, it took me another year to settle on something that I felt a spiritual connection to, so that I could allow it on my body.

~*~

So? Is it my perfume or am I scaring the snot out of my potential matches?
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #2  April 8,2010, 2:02pm
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This is online, so I think we can rule out the perfume.

I don't know what the problem is. I don't see anything glaringly bad about your profile or photo.

I start communication with almost all my matches. I'm surprised that the guys you tried that with didn't respond.
 
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Lovely_Leo is offline Lovely_Leo Post #3  April 8,2010, 2:12pm
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mrflyer wrote :
This is online, so I think we can rule out the perfume.
Well, you know how sensitive to scents everyone is these days

mrflyer wrote :
I don't know what the problem is. I don't see anything glaringly bad about your profile or photo.
Thank you.

mrflyer wrote :
I start communication with almost all my matches. I'm surprised that the guys you tried that with didn't respond.
Me too. I'm totally baffled ... LOL how egotistical is *that*??? "I don't know why no one seems to think I'm as awesome as I do" LOL
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #4  April 8,2010, 2:35pm
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I can see why some men might be intimidated. You seem to imply in your profile you that somebody has to be rich to approach you (I am currently working at establishing passive income to help me achieve financial freedom within the next few years. I would like a partner who wants the same and will work toward this goal with me. While money can't buy happiness, but it does provide the freedom to focus on things that bring joy into my life.) Now you probably do have a very healthy income, and your best bet is the same in a mate. However, if a man feels like he has nothing to offer you, he won't be attracted to you. Not every man in your dating range is close to retirement, nor do they want to retire so early. I think you come dangerously close to sounding high maintenance, which can either be intimidating or a turn off. At least that's the way it strikes me.

I'd refrain from talks about money/finances in an introductory profile.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #5  April 8,2010, 3:11pm
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Mr79percent wrote :
I'd refrain from talks about money/finances in an introductory profile.
Bingo. I'd bet that's it. Avoid money talk in your profile.

Lovely_Leo, there is nothing else in your profile which is the least bit intimidating. But ... financial freedom by 40 or so? I know many men with decent incomes of our age (I'm 38) will simply chuckle and ignore, especially with the occupation of "self-employed". I'm not saying it's fair, but it's an attitude many men have.
 
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Lovely_Leo is offline Lovely_Leo Post #6  April 8,2010, 3:14pm
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Mr79percent wrote :
I can see why some men might be intimidated. You seem to imply in your profile you that somebody has to be rich to approach you ... Now you probably do have a very healthy income, and your best bet is the same in a mate.
Wow. Interesting ... I don't have a big income, actually. My marriage left me financially ruined and I'm just starting to finally establish a foundation where a surprise bill won't leave me devastated ... When reassessing my goals and what I wanted from life, I realized that all of it - the career I want to pursue, the kids I want to have, the ability to visit family (travel) or have time off that didn't involved being stuck at home, care for my aging parents - all of it hinges on having enough money to ensure I'm not a slave to a job.

It never even occurred to me to look for a rich guy; that'd be .... cheating ... like looking for a quick fix instead of putting in the effort myself .... I'm looking to find someone who has the same financial views and goals - no matter where they stand financially.

Mr79percent wrote :
Not every man in your dating range is close to retirement, nor do they want to retire so early.
Retiring?? I didn't think I was implying retirement. There's a difference between working because you have to (ie. need the money to live) and because you want to (ie. doing something you enjoy, but can walk away from if need be).

Mr79percent wrote :
I think you come dangerously close to sounding high maintenance, which can either be intimidating or a turn off. At least that's the way it strikes me.
Bahahahah! I've never been referred to as "high maintenance" before ... *ahem* Point taken I'm glad you posted. Thanks for your perceptions. It's a good eye-opener!
Last edited by Lovely_Leo; April 8,2010 at 3:33pm.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #7  April 8,2010, 3:45pm
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LL--wow, what a difference in perception based upon the choice of a few words. Obviously you meant to imply "you live within your means and I'm saving for a rainy day", but your line about passive income and financial freedom seems to mean "I'm have a lot of money to invest in bonds and I plan to live off the dividends the rest of my life". I imagine you were not matched with a lot of bond traders, because surely they would have gotten in touch.

If you remove the money talk, I bet you get a better response.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  April 8,2010, 6:41pm
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Mr79percent wrote :
I can see why some men might be intimidated. You seem to imply in your profile you that somebody has to be rich to approach you
I disagree with this assessment. I read it as having an interest in personal finance and financial security. I would be very interested in a match that also has these interests, which I list in my "passions" answer.

(However, I would probably close based on the discussion of the tattoo. That's way up on my personal Can't Stand list. Sorry.)

The profile is fine, in that all the questions are answered and the cliche answers are avoided.
 
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That_Guy is offline That_Guy Post #9  April 8,2010, 7:29pm
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You are 37 and want a child. Not only that, you want to be a hands on mom and wife while travelling ect ect. Sounds unrealistic to me. Few men want an infant while travelling in their 40's following you for education and fun. As a parent, I don't see how you can do any of this. Also, I read self employed as unemployed. At least describe the industry.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #10  April 8,2010, 7:54pm
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That_Guy wrote :
You are 37 and want a child. Not only that, you want to be a hands on mom and wife while travelling ect ect. Sounds unrealistic to me. Few men want an infant while travelling in their 40's following you for education and fun. As a parent, I don't see how you can do any of this. Also, I read self employed as unemployed. At least describe the industry.
I agree about indicating industry/expertise. But self-employed never struck me as "unemployed". It's a huge umbrella, from $200/hr consultants to women that take in ironing. It could be a starving artist, or contractor. Not every guy in their 40's has given up on the idea of children, though thoughts of a big family of course are long gone.
Last edited by Mr79percent; April 8,2010 at 7:56pm.
 
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