Are sexuality related MC/CS the kiss of death?


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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #1  April 8,2010, 9:31am
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A match has:

Must Have:
Sexually Knowledgeable... I must have someone who is mature and experienced as a potential sexual partner and is able to express himself/herself freely.

Can't Stand:
Uninterested... I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis.

I wouldn't have taken note if there was just one of these mentioned. But both set off the following thought process:

1- Hmmmm?
2- Heck yeah, I agree. But isn't this something so obvious it doesn't need stating, like good hygiene is a must. (Another odd MH/CS .) Are these the seeds of incompatibility? Dun dun duuuuun.
3- Skim and move on girl. There is a live body among all these membership corpses. Keep clicking and figure that stuff out in person, if it ever even comes to that.

I would guess this is gendered with more women probably shying away from those sexuality MH/CS.
Last edited by 2clueless; April 8,2010 at 9:43am.
 
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mmmmmmmm is offline mmmmmmmm Post #2  April 8,2010, 9:54am
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Yep, sex talk on the profile page or MH/ CS is a definite "Close". I think we all like sex but I don't need to read it in the profile. Slow down buddy!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  April 8,2010, 10:22am
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Not a close and does not bother me one bit. Unless you talk in person you really have no idea why this person picked them. My thought process on him picking both of those is probably baggage from a previous relationship that may have been essentially sexless. The MH/ CS choices as written are simply too broad and can be interpreted in too many different ways, so it's best not to jump to negative conclusions without at least asking the person about it.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #4  April 8,2010, 10:28am
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You're both assuming men who list these MH/CS are sex pigs and uninterested in a serious relationship. A very closed-minded and invalid assumption.

So because I list both in my MH/CS--for the very reasons that I want a woman who is both experienced and has a healthy libido--it automatically means my "dedicated to family life", "strong moral character", and other such MH/CS are ignored? And no I don't say anything sexual in my profile, that's crass.

Please, then, close and move on to other corpses yes.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #5  April 8,2010, 10:51am
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insertscreenname wrote :
You're both assuming men who list these MH/CS are sex pigs and uninterested in a serious relationship. A very closed-minded and invalid assumption.

So because I list both in my MH/CS--for the very reasons that I want a woman who is both experienced and has a healthy libido--it automatically means my "dedicated to family life", "strong moral character", and other such MH/CS are ignored? And no I don't say anything sexual in my profile, that's crass.

Please, then, close and move on to other corpses yes.
Who said anything about pork and morality? I didn't assume anything except that the guy felt strongly enough sex enough to state it up front in two different ways. The "Can't Stand" gave me more pause because he is a long distance match.

I was simply asking to see how others see interpret these statements. To me it is not the kiss of death in MH/CS. (It is the kiss of death in a profile.) But for now I am treating it as a pink flag. Just like pointed mentions of hygiene and the need for fidelity. To me, these are par for the course.

As someone said here, I'm looking for reasons to rule someone in not rule them out.

I will keep going ahead anyhow because we have many things in common and some things are best sussed out in conversation and in person. And yes, because a match that makes the effort to respond is a rare thing on this site where 90% of matches are unpaid and unresponsive--corpses that EH markets as options when they're really not--and then the other 10% of course have their personal preferences and might not be interested and visa versa.
Last edited by 2clueless; April 8,2010 at 11:17am. Reason: typo
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #6  April 8,2010, 10:53am
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2clueless wrote :
A match has:

Must Have:
Sexually Knowledgeable... I must have someone who is mature and experienced as a potential sexual partner and is able to express himself/herself freely.

Can't Stand:
Uninterested... I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis.

I wouldn't have taken note if there was just one of these mentioned. But both set off the following thought process:
.
These are both the very mild ones to me. It wouldnt offend me.
Its the other one (cant think of the wording) That makes me wonder if they mean hanging from the chandalier, leather, jumper cables type sex?
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #7  April 8,2010, 11:06am
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Those should be good for weeding out people who don't want sex outside of marriage, for those of us who consider sex to be part of a normal relationship.

Neither of them can be assumed, since there are people out there who just aren't very interested in sex.
Last edited by mrflyer; April 8,2010 at 11:12am.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  April 8,2010, 11:10am
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mmmmmmmm wrote :
Yep, sex talk on the profile page or MH/ CS is a definite "Close". I think we all like sex but I don't need to read it in the profile. Slow down buddy!
What thought process leads to conclusions like that?

Have you even stopped to realize that those statements were written by eharmony, not the member? That should tell you something.

If my profile says I want kids, that doesn't mean I want to impregnate you on the first date.

If my profile says I like to travel, that doesn't mean I expect our first date to be a two-week African safari.

If your profile says you want to get married, I don't assume you want to marry the first man you meet the day you meet him.
 
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Charger is offline Charger Post #9  April 8,2010, 11:33am
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Rule one, never assume anything about a match; ask them directly and let them tell you otherwise. Logically, the questions that pertain to sex are valid; but I also agree that it's a kind of "in your face" type of question and everyone has their own opinion of what context the sender has in mind. I don't receive this question from many women, I don't ask it personally when I send MH/CS. If you end up talking further, eventually the subject will come up, to me that's the right time to discuss such subjects. No, I wouldn't close anyone for having such questions, it's way to early in the game to worry about that aspect.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  April 8,2010, 11:37am
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Every MHCS is filled with interpretation and ambiguity. You really do not have any idea what your match's idea is relating to these is or why they chose the ones that they did.

My experience with the MHCS is that when I had anything that was beyond the most mundane choices I would get closed on a very regular basis as soon as I had sent my MHCS.

Close because of these two MHCS if you want or continue on to Open Communication where you can use these MHCS as a point to begin discussion on what is really meant by your match.
 
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