boskko2 is offline boskko2 Post #1  April 5,2010, 11:10am
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Please review and let me know how I can improve the quality of my matches(any spelling or gramatical assistance is MUCH appriciated as well).

About Me:
Basic Information

Occupation: Sales Trainer Age: 35 Height: 5' 9" Wants Kids: Maybe
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic Religion: Spiritual, but not religious Drinks: Several times a week Smokes: Never
What I am passionate about:

I am passionate about the time I spend with my niece and nephew and being a part of their lives. I am also passionate about the charity work that I do by sitting on the board of a rising diabetic charity organization raising money to get supplies for people who cannot afford them. I am also passionate about the free time I spend with my dog.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

I am looking for a partner who is an open honest communicator who won’t play “relationship games.” In my work life, I sell and train others on how to sell. I feel I am good at my job, however, in my personal relationships I do not want to feel the need to “sell” myself to my partner. Outside of work I am very different than I am at work. I want to be with someone who accepts me for this and can be with someone who will say what is truly on his mind and accept it as honest feelings.

The most influential person in my life has been:

This is a little tough as I try to learn new things from everyone I meet. However, I am going to say my 3 year old nephew because he has a new and wide open view of every new experience he has witch I try to emulate by broadening my perspective on life experiences that through time I may have become closed off to.
The three things which I am most thankful for:

  • My close family and friends.
  • My beautiful nephew and niece.
  • My loving dog.

Three of my best life-skills are:

  • Communicating my innermost thoughts and feelings
  • Maintaining an organized life
  • Helping those who are less fortunate or in need


The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me are:

People don't notice that I am very introspective and am analyzing everything they say or do. I am a very good study of people and can easily pick up on most nonverbal cues.


The things I can't live without are:

  • My family
  • My Family
  • Deltec Cozmo-bonus points if you know what this is
  • My laptop
  • Good Prime Rib on my birthday


The first thing people notice about me is:

In general, people notice that I can APPEAR comfortable in any situation.


Some additional information I wanted you to know is:

The distance thing on eHarmony is a bit odd. I live in Palatine and work in Glen Ellyn. I have no issues with dating someone in the city(even if you don't have a car), however, Wisconsin is a bit far North for me. Also, I JUST quit smoking to be healthier. I used Chantax and it seems to be working well. If you are a smoker who wants to keep smoking, I am not here to judge you, but it is not the best time for me to enter into a relationship with you.


My interests



I typically spends my leisure time:

In my free time I love taking trips to the off leash dog park and running with my dog. I also enjoy hanging out with close friends or hosting a game night so we can get together and talk. I also like spending time fixing up my condo(new coat of paint coming soon) or relaxing at home on the couch watching a good movie(or, for all intensive purposes, a bad movie that makes me laugh).

The last book I read and enjoyed:

The last book I really enjoyed was My Ishmael by Daniel Quinn about a twelve year old girls honest desire to change the world. It is the third in a series by the same author all focusing on changing the perspective of how we view the world we live in. I like Quinns' ideas of different perspectives.

According to my friends:

Friends describe him as:

  • Affectionate
  • Perceptive
  • Loyal
  • Good Listener


Any input would be much appriciated as I am not getting the quality of responses I am looking for.

Thanks in advance.

Boskko2
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  April 5,2010, 11:25am

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the first thing i noticed is the repetitiveness of the "passionate" paragraph.

also, I can appreciate you love your extended family but you mentioned your neice and nephew 3 or 4 times- it's redundant.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  April 5,2010, 12:24pm
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Hi Boskko,
It's pretty good, gives a view of who you are, what you want. It's not terrifically ... I don't know, enthusiastic? I think most profiles are more upbeat. If that's just not you, that's not a problem, but are you really this low-key?

A few suggestions below...

boskko2 wrote :
Please review and let me know how I can improve the quality of my matches(any spelling or gramatical assistance is MUCH appriciated as well).

About Me:
Basic Information

Occupation: Sales Trainer Age: 35 Height: 5' 9" Wants Kids: Maybe
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic Religion: Spiritual, but not religious Drinks: Several times a week Smokes: Never
What I am passionate about:

I am passionate about the time I spend with my niece and nephew and being a part of their lives. I am also passionate about the charity work that I do by sitting on the board of a rising diabetic charity organization raising money to get supplies for people who cannot afford them. I am also passionate about the free time I spend with my dog. Delete all the "I am passionate about...". Just say it, and perhaps with more passion! E.g. "I love spending time with my niece and nephew ..." "I really enjoy the work I do on the board for ..." "Last not but least my dog [insert name] and I love to ... [go to the park, whatever]"

This is the first and most noticeable section of your profile: you want to convey what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning...
The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

I am looking for a partner who is an open honest communicator who won’t play “relationship games.” In my work life, I sell and train others on how to sell. I feel I am good at my job, however, in my personal relationships I do not want to feel the need to “sell” myself to my partner. Outside of work I am very different than I am at work. I want to be with someone who accepts me for this and can be with someone who will say what is truly on his his or her? I'm not sure of your gender or orientation mind and accept it as honest feelings.

The most influential person in my life has been:

This is a little tough as I try to learn new things from everyone I meet. However, I am going to say my 3 year old nephew because he has a new and wide open view of every new experience he has witch which I try to emulate by broadening my perspective on life experiences that through time I may have become closed off to.

Wording is awkward. "My nephew, whose wide-open view of every new experience, makes me more open to ..."
The three things which I am most thankful for:

  • My close family and friends.
  • My beautiful nephew and niece.
  • My loving dog.

Three of my best life-skills are:

  • Communicating my innermost thoughts and feelings
  • Maintaining an organized life
  • Helping those who are less fortunate or in need


The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me are:

People don't notice that I am very introspective [COLOR=Red]and am analyzing everything they say or do The first thing people notice about me is:

In general, people notice that I can APPEAR comfortable in any situation.

This is confusing. Are you always comfortable and people see that? or you're really not, and they see that?
Some additional information I wanted you to know is:

The distance thing on eHarmony is a bit odd. I live in Palatine and work in Glen Ellyn. I have no issues with dating someone in the city(even if you don't have a car), however, Wisconsin is a bit far North for me. Also, I JUST quit smoking to be healthier. I used Chantax and it seems to be working well. If you are a smoker who wants to keep smoking, I am not here to judge you, but it is not the best time for me to enter into a relationship with you.
I like this section a lot.

My interests



I typically spends my leisure time:

In my free time I love taking trips to the off leash dog park and running with my dog. I also enjoy hanging out with close friends or hosting a game night so we can get together and talk. I also like spending time fixing up my condo(new coat of paint coming soon) or relaxing at home on the couch watching a good movie(or, for all intensive purposes intents and purposes, a bad movie that makes me laugh).

The last book I read and enjoyed:

The last book I really enjoyed was My Ishmael by Daniel Quinn about a twelve year old girls girl's honest desire to change the world. It is the third in a series by the same author all focusing on changing the perspective of how we view the world we live in. I like Quinns' ideas of different perspectives.

According to my friends:

Friends describe him as:

  • Affectionate
  • Perceptive
  • Loyal
  • Good Listener


Any input would be much appriciated as I am not getting the quality of responses I am looking for.

Thanks in advance.

Boskko2
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  April 5,2010, 12:39pm
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Agree with the niece and nephew thing. I thought after the second time "If he mentions them again..." and, you did. Not just repetitive, but you lost your opportunity to put something else you enjoy, like, are passionate about in.

I wonder if you need to put in that you use Chantax to quit smoking. I commend you on doing that (I did so about 7 months ago) but maybe just a tiny bit too much info.

On things you can't live without, you list your family twice. Even your dog being listed would be better than something twice.

Try rewording your leisure time paragraph. You say "I also" to start at least two sentences there.

Love your book description. Very well done.

I think you can expand on the One Thing and First Thing sections. Why would you want people to notice you are "analyzing" them? And when you say you APPEAR comfortable, does that mean you really aren't?
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  April 5,2010, 6:33pm
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Obviously your matches will know, but I can't tell if you're a guy or a gal. Your profile reads very gender-neutral and that's not good.

You have a niece and a nephew and a dog. That's about all I get out of this profile. It doesn't paint a very vibrant picture of what you're all about.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #6  April 5,2010, 7:21pm
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I liked the advice Sassafras gave and would like to add that I think you should consider removing the following sentence entirely. As I feel it gives the impression you have 'baggage' from previous relationships where you have had a partner who did play games. A woman seeking a relationship won't want a man playing games either, it's a given .

I am looking for a partner who is an open honest communicator who won’t play “relationship games.”
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #7  April 6,2010, 9:37am
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1.- i agree. too much about your niece and nephew.

2.- i do not like the way you state this---> The first thing people notice about me is:

In general, people notice that I can APPEAR comfortable in any situation.

it sounds as if you are often crawling in your skin when you appear to be calm, cool and collected.

3.- lose the reference to your insulin pump. save health issues for after you get to know someone a little better

4.- i would NOT state with any specificity where i worked.

5.- and i don't like your paragraph about "relationship games." it comes across as you having the issues. or wanting to take out past wrongs on your next match. soften it up some. you sound too hard edged.

good luck! do keep us advised. and repost your profile if you make any changes. i hope you found something useful here.
 
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boskko2 is offline boskko2 Post #8  April 6,2010, 11:35am
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Ok,

Here are some of the changes

Passion:

I am passionate about the charity work that I do by sitting on the board of a rising diabetic charity organization raising money to get supplies to people that cannot afford them. I am also passionate about the free time I spend with my dog. I am also apparently very passionate about using the word passionate multiple times in the same paragraph when answering the question, "what am I passionate about?" Who knew?

Does this sound better for the "looking for" paragraph?

I am looking for a partner who is an open honest communicator who sees me for who I truly am. In my work life, I sell and train others on how to sell. I feel I am good at my job, however, in my personal relationships I do not want to feel the need to ?sell? myself to my partner. Outside of work I am very different than I am at work. I want to be with someone who accepts me for this. Other then that, I am looking for someone who lives life without making excuses and is willing to try new things.

First thing people notice:

In general, people notice that in almost any given situation, I give off a calming yet comfortable presence.

I wish people would notice:

People don't notice that I am very introspective and there is a lot going on in my head at any given moment. I take in an entire room and can pick up on all the nonverbal clues to determine what makes other people comfortable in the situation. I can usually tell when people are being honest and if others noticed this more often, they wouldn't feel the need for dishonesty(not only with me but also with themselves).

Also, I completely missed the fact I put family down twice....oops.
To notyet

3.- lose the reference to your insulin pump. save health issues for after you get to know someone a little better

The diabetes actually defines me as I have had it for 33 years at it is the primary focus of my charity work. I have actually got a decent amount of responses from women who actually looked it up on wikipedia which was particularly impressive.

4.- i would NOT state with any specificity where i worked.

The reason I did this was to eliminate distance as a reason for closing me.

I live in Palatine and work in Glen Ellyn. I have no issues with dating someone in the city(even if you don't have a car), however, Wisconsin is a bit far North for me.

The distance between Palatine, Glen Ellyn and Chicago covers about 65 miles and I don't want to eliminate a potential good match because they think I live too far away when I work up the street. If you have a better way to state this I am very open to ideas.

I changed a lot of the little things as well but didn't feel the need to post the changes. I am newer to online dating and cant get away from the feeling that most of you put - that I come off as a little one dimensional. I have a very dry sense of humor and it usually comes across when I do more creative writing.

What makes a profile more, I don't know, lively?

 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  April 6,2010, 11:53am
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boskko, there are other profiles on here that are being "reviewed". Mine included. You might want to cruise around the site and see what pops up.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  April 6,2010, 1:28pm
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Hi Boskko! The joke you added to #1-passions, about using the word passionate -- that's a way to add more zest to it. Pretty good!

You do creative writing? I wonder if you could come up with a small project for yourself to write about yourself, that you then could edit into the "About Me" sections.

Maybe imagine yourself talking to some woman who's really nice and who is truly interested in you and wants to hear what you have to say about yourself ... and tell her. Write it down. When you're done then edit for the profile.

Or something like that. I get the sense you're more low-key on the profile than you actually are as a real person. Perhaps using your creative-writing would help? (Also maybe creative writing should be in your list of interests?)

I hadn't thought about the issue of naming where you live and work, if they are small towns. Usually people stay more anonymous than that, just to be safe.

Perhaps say something like "I travel for work within a 65 mile radius of Chicago; am happy to travel to meet the right woman"?

It's not a bad profile, Boskko ... don't feel like you need to scrap it. I just think you might be under-selling yourself a little.
 
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