Just got closed out by a match I really liked!


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SunneeD is offline SunneeD Post #1  April 4,2010, 7:50pm
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I just got closed out by a match I really liked! I though our date went VERY well! His reason was because he is pursuing another relationship. I'm still pretty new to this, so I have to say it did hurt my self-esteem a little! I sent a response back to him saying, "Good luck with your search." I was disappointed, but decided to be a good sport. I mean he DID close my match within 5 days. That's not too bad I guess. So I have to give him props for that. But still, how do I keep myself from feeling so disappointed and keep it from affecting my self-esteem?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  April 4,2010, 8:04pm
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SunneeD wrote :
But still, how do I keep myself from feeling so disappointed and keep it from affecting my self-esteem?
It's a 3 step process..

1st. You bite the head off of a chocolate Easter Bunny

2nd. Come here and vent

3rd Log into your e-Harmony singles account tomorrow and view 5 to 7 possible new suitors!

Can't advise on being dissapointed. I think everyone feels disappointment at some point with e-dating. I wouldn't let it affect my self-esteem. I know what I have to offer a potential partner. If one doesn't see it, then maybe the next one will.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; April 5,2010 at 6:17am.
 
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angryromancegrrl is offline angryromancegrrl Post #3  April 4,2010, 8:06pm

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I think it's normal to feel disappointed and for the self-esteem to take a bit of a hit when relationship disappointments occur. The trick is to not wallow in it for too long. It may sound odd, but I give myself a set amount of time to feel blue when things like this happen. I dated a guy for 9 months and when we broke up, I gave myself 3 days to roll in the sadness and then I had to be done. So pick a time frame (a few hours, an evening, etc), allow yourself to be sad, then move forward.

And I like biting heads of choclate bunnies myself. Putting Peeps in the microwave is also great fun!
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  April 4,2010, 8:16pm
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Oh, I feel for ya. I think we all get our hopes up a bit when we meet someone for a (a really great) first date and then things don't go as planned (they poof, say "no thanks", or turn into psycho jerkos). I just had a guy I went on a first date with remove me from his favorites (on a different site of course). I really liked him as well, and felt that little bite of sadness. But, better I find someone that likes me for me, rather than hoping for a relationship with someone who doesn't and is only leading me on.

Go eat some of those caramel egg thingies and then jump on an elliptical runner. Burn off the calories and exercise and "cheer" you up.
Last edited by AndieIsMe; April 4,2010 at 8:17pm. Reason: small edit
 
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sciencegirl is offline sciencegirl Post #5  April 4,2010, 8:35pm
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At least he had the decency to close you instead of just not calling.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #6  April 5,2010, 4:57am
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SunneeD wrote :
But still, how do I keep myself from feeling so disappointed and keep it from affecting my self-esteem?
Eventually, you just have to get yourself in a place where you realize a close is a close is a close. In my time on eHarmony, I've had thousands of closes. I really don't care and I don't take is personally.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  April 5,2010, 6:41am
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It happens. It will happen again.

TrekRyder10 said it best, you know what you have to offer. It really is his loss if he does not see it.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #8  April 5,2010, 6:58am

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SunneeD wrote :
I just got closed out by a match I really liked! I though our date went VERY well! His reason was because he is pursuing another relationship. I'm still pretty new to this, so I have to say it did hurt my self-esteem a little! I sent a response back to him saying, "Good luck with your search." I was disappointed, but decided to be a good sport. I mean he DID close my match within 5 days. That's not too bad I guess. So I have to give him props for that. But still, how do I keep myself from feeling so disappointed and keep it from affecting my self-esteem?
I don't know if it's possible to stop from feeling disappointed, but as far as the self esteem part goes I know that I just try to remember that every time someone closes me out it just says that based on what superficiality they've been thus far exposed to in regards to me they just didn't think I was the right person for them. (which really doesn't have anything to do with the quality of person I am inside)

So my disappointment is about the loss of opportunity to really get to know someone, not disappointment in myself.
 
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John_the_savage is offline John_the_savage Post #9  April 5,2010, 8:47am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
It's a 3 step process..

1st. You bite the head off of a chocolate Easter Bunny

2nd. Come here and vent

3rd Log into your e-Harmony singles account tomorrow and view 5 to 7 possible new suitors!

Can't advise on being dissapointed. I think everyone feels disappointment at some point with e-dating. I wouldn't let it affect my self-esteem. I know what I have to offer a potential partner. If one doesn't see it, then maybe the next one will.
I agree with #3. I find it's much easier for me to get over a girl when I meet someone new. However, this doesn't always work. I had two eharmony dates that were bombs this weekend. (one being my ultimate worst date ever). While on the date I kept on wishing I was with one of my old matches. I quickly made up an excuse and ended the date after 15 minutes (is this a record?) It was a coffee date and we didn't even get to ordering coffee lol!

I try my best not to think about it too much and keep it as a learning experience. It helps to keep busy with your hobbies and regular life so you don't have too much time to think about "what if"

Good luck with your other matches.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #10  April 5,2010, 9:10am
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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I look at it as an opportunity to spend more time meeting people who are better suited for me and my personality. I mean, really, where's the better use of my time? Trying to convince someone I'm worth it, or getting to know someone who already believes I'm worth it? I'd rather have the latter of the two opportunities.

I also believe that every time that one that I like so much gets away, it's because there's a better one out there for me. It helps, and it's been true so far.

Hang in there; it will get better. Just keep moving forward.
Last edited by brneyedangel; April 5,2010 at 9:30am. Reason: Always more to say....
 
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