Eharmony, different dating site or just the same old, same old


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RegularGuyNH is offline RegularGuyNH Post #1  April 3,2010, 1:31pm
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So, here I am, 55 and single again and I have tried several dating sites and not met even one lady.

Yes, I have had a few great email / pen pal experiences for about 4-6 weeks but when it comes time to meet.......no luck.

I was under the impression that Eharmony was the premiere dating site and that folks here operated on the 21 dimensions of compatibility. But I see the same issues and just wanted to get some other perspectives and suggestions to make my experience here a bit more successful.

I am a successful guy and have a great job, a wonderful home, am upwardly mobile, honest, frank and overall have a lot to offer. I have many interests and they are both usual and unusual and love to experience new things.

So, I get closed messages a lot and several about my profile. I have tweaked it and worked on it over and over again, to no avail. I get one of those every couple of weeks. Often they say the same things as the lady closing me out.

I had hoped to meet someone based on that compatibility but it looks like Eharmony is just another dating site.

Any comments.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  April 3,2010, 1:33pm
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You might want to focus on meeting more people in your community rather than online. It's possible, but usually a long road.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #3  April 3,2010, 1:41pm

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My opinion-if you are spending 4 + weeks emailing you have turned yourself into a pen pal.

Quick progression works well for me. When on eH, I move to open communication as soon as possible-I abhor the made up and trite questions and answers-I prefer to ask what is interesting to me. I prefer to do that in person so I can read body language and see non verbal communication.

Once in OC I offer to meet my match for coffee ASAP. Coffee requires nothing but a couple of hours from either of us. If we can talk comfortable face to face, we may agree to dinner or another date at a future time-I try to make these arrangements when sitting in the coffee shop. Don't do the 'when will he call?' stuff anymore.

I really see no point in extended emails or phone calls and contend that we can find out more of a matches interests in 2 hours together then in 2 weeks of emails and phone calls.

Try changing your tactics-if what you are doing isn't working then it's time for a change. One more thing-there are many more first and second dates than 3-4-5th dates. It's simply part of internet dating where we don't have the past IRL time together.
 
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NYCpigeon is online now NYCpigeon Post #4  April 3,2010, 1:46pm
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Eharmony's reputation is that they are more relationship-oriented. Just the fact that it could take you weeks before you actually meet up in person means that a lot of people looking for a quick fix will go elsewhere. (Lengthy questionaires, guided communication, steps, stages, delays, delays, you get the picture).

But that doesn't mean you will not run into the typical human problems. That would include, but is not limited to, people looking for someone taller, thinner, richer, younger, more beautiful, more exciting, more adventurous, pays for dates always and never complains, always happy, college-educated, curvy but not fat, etc.

Food for thought.

Best of luck
 
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dia_ is offline dia_ Post #5  April 3,2010, 2:17pm
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RegularGuyNH wrote :
So, here I am, 55 and single again and I have tried several dating sites and not met even one lady.

Yes, I have had a few great email / pen pal experiences for about 4-6 weeks but when it comes time to meet.......no luck.
Maybe make the time to meet a bit sooner than 4 to 6 weeks. Like within a week or two, unless there are extuanting circumstances like shift work, prison, etc. Great email, even with 21 (or 29) dimensions of compatibility mean little until you like each other in person. I ran across a few guys who gave great email and little else. One stand-out emailer texted me a few hours before our second attempt at meeting that he'd fallen down some stairs and was in considerable pain - he'd call me when he felt better. His next phone message, a week later, was "I feel better, but you should call me soon, before I'm too drunk". So I didn't. Lesson learned .. if they're not interested in meeting up pretty quickly, there's probably a really good reason.
 
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Work_in_Progress is offline Work_in_Progress Post #6  April 3,2010, 2:37pm
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RegularguyNH, I can relate to your frustration. I'm 50, and live in a small village of almost entirely couples/families and elderly folks, and because I can't do the long-distance thing, my online pool isn't that great, either.

I'm sticking around here and one free site at least for the time being, but I'm also getting out more on weekends in surrounding areas where there are potentially more single folks, looking for meetup groups nearby, etc.

I don't expect any one of these to yield great results given my age and location, but I figure this way I'm opening as many doors to opportunity as possible without pinning all my hopes or efforts on just one of them, and hopefully someone will turn up eventually when the time is right. And in the meantime, I'll just keep living my life and having fun.

Good luck!
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #7  April 3,2010, 2:44pm
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Good luck dating. Online dating like anything else requires patience. I try to go 2 weeks tops between communication and meeting face to face. This way neither party gets too invested. I would suggest simply reaching out to everyone that makes it into your inbox and doesn't have red flags. I mean, why not? Just click and forget about it until you get a response.

I think there is an aura surrounding eharmony but in large part it is what you make of it. You can take your time in guided communication for over a month or communicate with someone right away and meet them that weekend and end up in the sack. EH seems to attract its fair share of conservative religious folk but there are some liberal/athiest/agnostic types as well. Racial diversity is not very big here but it does exist. Some people are here for hookups and others are here for long term. It is a diverse place and I think the hype is overrated. Yes, people get married from here but they also get married from match and from their church or even from bars. There are no guarantees. You just have to optimize your exposure.

In that vein, I also belong to specialty sites specific to the lifestyle and background that I am looking for. It never hurts to cast ones net widely. I have said no to the free sites and mega sites like match.com for now but in my next round, I might give those a whirl. I can only be on two sites at a time or else it's a time drain. I also belong to meetup groups and try to stay socially engaged in real life. I joined the arts club of the alumni group from my school. Heck, even if I make mainly female friends they might have brothers/cousins/ etc. I am serious about expanding my social circles and even more serious about finding someone. I am kinda approaching it with the same energy and commitment as anything else in life: job search/buying a house etc. When I get too overwhelmed with it, I step back, regroup and try again. As long as you keep throwing your hat into the ring, someone will respond eventually! In the meantime, just have fun and get out!
Last edited by 2clueless; April 3,2010 at 2:58pm.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  April 3,2010, 2:45pm
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dia_ wrote :
Maybe make the time to meet a bit sooner than 4 to 6 weeks. Like within a week or two, unless there are extuanting circumstances like shift work, prison, etc.
 
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scotnwpa is offline scotnwpa Post #9  April 3,2010, 9:15pm
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I'm getting a feeling that eH has a lot of the people who don't pay much attention or don't want to pay for the service. Just like the other sites. I noticed tonight that the "communicating" matches only go back about a month. I have two pages of "waiting for her response". And most of the "Closed" reasons are "other". Sometimes they've even looked at my profile.
 
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RegularGuyNH is offline RegularGuyNH Post #10  April 4,2010, 5:49am
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NYC Pigeon writes:

Just the fact that it could take you weeks before you actually meet up in person means that a lot of people looking for a quick fix will go elsewhere. (Lengthy questionaires, guided communication, steps, stages, delays, delays, you get the picture).

Well, I really think that is not the point at all because I see the same folks on here month after month and on other sites, especially one large one, after a year, it is the same crowd of ladies.

Your point about taller, thinner, richer, etc. speaks to another problem on these services....shallow women (an men). Often beauty is in the eye of the beholder and people that we do not find initially attractive often become attractive to us over time.

I think that people should think about that as well.
 
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