Help with my online dating profile


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #1  April 2,2010, 2:19pm
Atlguy38's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2009

Atlanta

Posts: 490

See profile

OK, ladies and gents, I could use some help with my profile. Specifically, from the ladies, would you respond to this profile? What changes would you suggest to get your attention?

Here goes:

I just started a new job after being in business for myself for a while. In short, I make rich people richer. Or at least work to preserve what they have. To me, this is the culmination of years of study, hard work and career positioning.

When I’m not helping people get rich (which I enjoy doing), I like to watch good movies, drink good wine, stay active, travel, read non-fiction (business and psychology), and work out.

You're probably shocked, but there actually is one guy in this world who genuinely likes cats - especially if it happens to be a beautiful Maine Coon. And I love other animals, too.) Had I not been an investment professional, I likely would have been a Vet.

I want to believe that the people in my life are genuine. I do my best to be an honest and trustworthy person, and expect the same from others.

I was married once and learned a lot from it. Because I'm introspective, I learn from mistakes and make positive changes. The next woman I'm in a relationship with will be an extremely lucky woman

I have a lot to offer the right woman. I take care of myself and stay in shape (my pics are recent). I understand commitment and respect women who have found a good balance between their careers and simply being a woman. And who doesn't love frisbee on the beach, hiking, comedy, pizza, playing with my cat, FSU football, and rolling around in a bed of money? In fact, which of these is *your* favorite? Please drop me a line and let me know. Now cue the Pina Colada song.

Ultimately, I would like to find a caring, affectionate, down to earth, health-conscious, educated woman who likes to laugh (and of course, Pina Coladas). If you value humor, intelligence, honesty, and a guy who has his stuff together, contact me.
 
  Reply With Quote
Salsera713 is offline Salsera713 Post #2  April 2,2010, 8:05pm
Salsera713's Avatar

is in study mode...no fun for 2 more weeks

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2010

California

Posts: 37

See profile

So my main comment would be that there are a number of references to money and wealth, which add a superficial tone to the profile. You're going to be attracting a certain type of woman with this type of profile (and it's probably not the down to earth type you express in your last paragraph, but there are exceptions).

As a super nitpicky point, in your third paragraph you're missing an opening parenthetical symbol. And 'Vet' shouldn't be capitalized.

Otherwise, I think it provides a decent understanding of who you are (this said, of course, without actually knowing who you are).
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  April 2,2010, 8:07pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,691

See profile

I had a drink tonight, too!
 
  Reply With Quote
computerfox is offline computerfox Post #4  April 2,2010, 8:41pm
computerfox's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2010

Posts: 51

See profile

Overall I think it's pretty good, but like someone else said you did reference wealth too much. Maybe you could change your job description to "I help plan people's financial well-being" or something like that. This profile may attract gold-diggers with the mention of money and wealth throughout. The rest of the profile seems genuine and you allow yourself to shine through.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  April 2,2010, 9:17pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

I agree that the references to wealth, rolling around in money, etc, is a bit, uh, negative.

I really don't like the "when I'm not helping people get rich" part. The rest of the paragraph seems OK, but it's a bit off.

There are some small things you should take out, as you can reference things in different ways without it coming off as superficial. Take out the "(my pics are recent)" and just date your pics. I don't like reading this for some reason.

Try rewriting the sentences that start with "I". The women know it is about you, just state it in a less "This is about me" way. That sounds weird, but when you start every sentence with an "I" you sound self centered, even if you aren't.

I do like it overall. Hope it attracts the right ladies, or lady, cause you only need one, right?
 
  Reply With Quote
Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #6  April 2,2010, 10:03pm
Atlguy38's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2009

Atlanta

Posts: 490

See profile

Wow, focusing on money is the LAST thing I want to do in this profile, so thanks for pointing it out. I will certainly change it. Any woman who's a gold digger isn't going to find much of that with me. I'm far from wealthy, though it is a goal. I certainly don't want to come off as materialistic. Thanks guys.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  April 2,2010, 10:14pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

Alt, I just realized, if this profile is for Match, you can't add captions to your photos. So, maybe keeping the "(my pics are recent)" this is OK.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #8  April 3,2010, 5:38am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

Atlguy38 wrote :
OK, ladies and gents, I could use some help with my profile. Specifically, from the ladies, would you respond to this profile? What changes would you suggest to get your attention?

Here goes:

I just started a new job after being in business for myself for a while. In short, I make rich people richer. Or at least work to preserve what they have. To me, this is the culmination of years of study, hard work and career positioning.
You don't say what the job really is, so this is kind of confusing. I have no idea what you really do until about the third paragraph.


When I’m not helping people get rich (which I enjoy doing), I like to watch good movies, drink good wine, stay active, travel, read non-fiction (business and psychology), and work out.
Strike the first part, it's too much like that patting yourself on the back thing in paragraph 1.


You're probably shocked, but there actually is one guy in this world who genuinely likes cats - especially if it happens to be a beautiful Maine Coon. And I love other animals, too.) Had I not been an investment professional, I likely would have been a Vet.
Careful about speculating what the match thinks.


I want to believe that the people in my life are genuine. I do my best to be an honest and trustworthy person, and expect the same from others.
this seems fine

I was married once and learned a lot from it. Because I'm introspective, I learn from mistakes and make positive changes. The next woman I'm in a relationship with will be an extremely lucky woman
last sentence is just too over the top with the I'm great stuff

I have a lot to offer the right woman. I take care of myself and stay in shape (my pics are recent). I understand commitment and respect women who have found a good balance between their careers and simply being a woman. And who doesn't love frisbee on the beach, hiking, comedy, pizza, playing with my cat, FSU football, and rolling around in a bed of money? In fact, which of these is *your* favorite? Please drop me a line and let me know. Now cue the Pina Colada song.
first sentence is too over the top too and so is the last for me.


Ultimately, I would like to find a caring, affectionate, down to earth, health-conscious, educated woman who likes to laugh (and of course, Pina Coladas). If you value humor, intelligence, honesty, and a guy who has his stuff together, contact me.
It comes off a bit ... egotistical. Sort of look at me, I'm so great, all you ladies should contact me quick or I'll be gone. The problem comes in the most clearly when you pat yourself on the back using first-person rather than just sharing what you do for a living or what you like to do in your spare time.

There are a couple other things though that make me feel like I'm not seeing the real authentic guy here. That thing with the pina colada, and the cats both seems artificial to me. I don't get the sense of someone just sharing authentically here's a little about who I am and I'd like to hear from you. I feel more like I am getting a fast sell. You're telling me what you think a woman will want to hear.

I probably would not open communication on a profile like this, though I probably wouldn't close either. I would think it possible you are just trying too hard to impress and don't realize how it's coming across.

Good luck out there.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #9  April 3,2010, 5:53am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

My critique was modded. You'll have to wait for the mod fairy to turn the pumpkin into a post, sorry.
 
  Reply With Quote
Buck is offline Buck Post #10  April 3,2010, 9:45am
Buck's Avatar

is really enjoying good fortune

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2007

Seattle boonies

Posts: 7,326

See profile

Others mentioned the wealth concern, and you're already on it.

nightling touched on the egostical tone with which I also concur. From another thread, my first impression is that you do not posses this undesireable trait.

For nitpicking, there's one word in each of these phrases that makes me think there are people who enjoy "watching bad movies" or drinking bad wine". What about mentioning a fermented flavor you enjoy or types of movies to which you are drawn?
Last edited by Buck; April 3,2010 at 9:49am. Reason: Added two suggestions to be helpful.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« No Pics? | Using eHarmony | To renew or not to renew? That is the question.... »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Amazingly depressed about this online dating joeyjoe Dating 108 June 17,2010 6:58pm
Had an impromptu date last nigh: dating in real is so much easier than online dating. justme27 About You 5 March 6,2010 9:56am
Online dating in public -- ick? babspmalone Using eHarmony 14 January 2,2010 10:04am
eHarmony Profile Workshop Threads (Links listed here) neardc Using eHarmony 4 October 27,2009 7:02pm
is online dating a good idea? ssluvtravel Dating 10 July 4,2009 7:38pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:03pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0