Why I CLOSE (some tips on profiles)


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LittleHugBug is offline LittleHugBug Post #1  April 1,2010, 11:44am
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Ok I need to vent because I feel like guys are wasting my time on this site. I have been reading certain profile answers that have just begun to annoy the heck out of me. If anyone acutally wanted to communicate w/ someone because they put any of the below I would be stunned. Feel free to comment, and definitely add your most/least favorite profile answers...
Guys, I am going to close you as a match if you:
1) Say you are passionate about "living life." Often add "to the fullest." Sounds romantic but I find it too broad and kind of a cop out. What does it even mean? Who doesn't want to live their life?? Is this code for "I am an adrenaline junkie", "I believe in polygmy," I like to kyak" or "I spend like there's no tomorrow"? Sometimes you elaborate but when you don't...what the heck??
2) When you say there occupation (or anything else for that matter) is "tell you later." No, tell me now or I have no reason to be interested in you! You think playing "Man of Mystery" is going to fly on a site that gives me hundreds of potential matches to wade thru? You either give info that stands out and catches my attention or you offer nothing and get closed. There should be a "didn't give me enough info" reason button...
3) Descibes self as "witty" or "has (great) sense of humor" and then photo is completely deadpan. Actually, deadpan photos suck period. If you aren't doing something in the picture at least SMILE.
4) When you list obvious things as "can't live without" like food, water and oxygen. Do you think you're being cute? Are you being that uncreatively literal? Its supposed to be a cute way to talk more about your passions or quirky likes/addictions.
4b) When you list sex as a "can't live without". One word: Ew. I know EH doesn't give you a section where you can discuss how important sex is in a relationship...oh wait it DOES, that's a question you can (way more tactfully) bring up in gudided communication. Are you hoping putting that will get all the nymphomaniacs to respond to you? I don't care if its true or a joke, its crass to put it there up front. It makes you sound like a horn dog and why is a horn dog posting a profile on a site with a rep for creating long term relationships? There's no "just looking for fun" box to check on EH.
5) Copping out on the "what my best friend knows about me" question. Saying "become my best friend so you'll know" or "i don't know ask them" or any variation of the above is a waste of space. Again, not funny, uninformative, and its been done to death. You're not being cute or original, and you're missing an opportunity to share something special about yourself that might make a girl pick you to communicate with instead of someone else.
6) When asked what you're looking for (in a girl) saying "Honesty." I can't think of an answer with more baggage so obviously attached. First, you think this will make a girl who lies not contact you? She'll just lie about being dishonest. Second, honesty is something you'd like to assume you have and not have to ask for specifically. Third, this tells the whole world that you have issues w/ being lied to, probably in your last relationship, possibly you where cheated on. "What you are looking for" should never turn into a rant about what your last girl did or didn't have.


So those are my tips though I'm sure I'll find more as I slog through all the profiles. Tell me what you think...
Last edited by LittleHugBug; April 1,2010 at 8:03pm. Reason: spelling :P
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #2  April 1,2010, 4:19pm
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Men don't have the market cornered on these. I've probably had women have each of your items on their profiles at one time or another.

I am getting tempted to ask how someone lives life to the fullest in the essay round of the game, but I'd probably get some trite, cliche answer about not letting opportunities slip by and so on and so forth.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  April 1,2010, 4:26pm

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i think the OP has it nailed perfectly- though the post shouldn't be so gender specific. i agree that women probably do the exact same thing.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #4  April 1,2010, 4:41pm
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The only thing I haven't seen women post/say on my matches that women complain about their male matches...is a shirtless photo.

I'm open to it though.
 
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Salsera713 is offline Salsera713 Post #5  April 1,2010, 7:15pm
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Agree with issues 2 through 5.

It's interesting what you say about the 'living life to the fullest' item because that's actually what I have in my block for most important thing that I'm looking for in a guy. Basically, someone who's willing to travel and explore and be adventurous and take advantage of every minute. Of course, I think 'living life to the fullest' does have different meanings depending on whom you ask.

The honesty thing I hadn't thought about, but it's a good point. I'll probably be more aware of that from here forward.
 
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DeltaKing is offline DeltaKing Post #6  April 1,2010, 7:43pm
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Salsera713 wrote :
Agree with issues 2 through 5.

It's interesting what you say about the 'living life to the fullest' item because that's actually what I have in my block for most important thing that I'm looking for in a guy. Basically, someone who's willing to travel and explore and be adventurous and take advantage of every minute. Of course, I think 'living life to the fullest' does have different meanings depending on whom you ask.
As an attention-grabber, "I live life to the fullest" is completely bankrupt.

Not that I'm telling you what your passions should be. But the passion question is an opportunity to explain what a relationship with you would involve day-to-day. "Life live to the fullest" is so vague and meaningless that it sounds dodgy, no matter what justification follows it.
 
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LittleHugBug is offline LittleHugBug Post #7  April 1,2010, 7:59pm
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lol ok I know people can be sensitive to gender issues on this site but i wasn't generalizing this stuff as males only - I'm a straight female and i'm just responding to what has been written by the staight males i've been matched with - i wouldn't know if women say it too because i don't read their profiles. im sure women put lots of dumb stuff too, maybe i even have dumb stuff in my profile - stupidity doesn't descriminate according to gender or anything else!

oh and i've decided there is one thing worse than a dumb profile answer: no answer at all! anyone who can't take 15-20 minutes to answer the profile questions isn't taking it seriously enough and shouldn't be surprised when they don't get any matches - give nothing and get nothing. how do they expect to get picked? they're non-entities...
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #8  April 1,2010, 8:28pm
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Cliches and the like don't bother me and I don't read ex-girlfriend baggage into desiring a honest partner. Instead of sifting each match with a fine tooth comb, I first take it's pulse if there are no red flags. (vagueness is not a red flag to me). I don't care if or how they fill out that best friend question. I don't fill it out on my profile.

Depending on response, I will then sift through the active responders. I've come to believe that , getting worked up about crappy profiles is an energy drain in a site where so few matches are actually active members.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #9  April 2,2010, 6:07am
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2clueless wrote :
Cliches and the like don't bother me and I don't read ex-girlfriend baggage into desiring a honest partner. Instead of sifting each match with a fine tooth comb, I first take it's pulse if there are no red flags. (vagueness is not a red flag to me). I don't care if or how they fill out that best friend question. I don't fill it out on my profile.

Depending on response, I will then sift through the active responders. I've come to believe that , getting worked up about crappy profiles is an energy drain in a site where so few matches are actually active members.
+1.
Very well said 2Clueless.

I don't mind platitudes and cliches in a Profile either.
A lot of people just have a hard time voicing themselves on some random 1 page Profile on a dating site.
There is time enough later to discover their "real" essence later in email and hopefully on dates.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #10  April 2,2010, 6:57am
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ScottK wrote :
+1.
Very well said 2Clueless.

I don't mind platitudes and cliches in a Profile either.
A lot of people just have a hard time voicing themselves on some random 1 page Profile on a dating site.
There is time enough later to discover their "real" essence later in email and hopefully on dates.
Exactly! I tend to draw blanks when I'm having to complete the "about me" section on dating sites. Who knows, maybe that's the reason why my profile gets closed so quickly? I'll have to revisit it and see. Sad thing is, I bet a lot of us have closed matches of really awesome people because we tend to over-analyze the matches. Of course, then again, we are (at least most of us) paying for EH, so we want our moneys worth I suppose?
 
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