Ok, another profile interpretation question...


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cc1979 is offline cc1979 Post #1  March 31,2010, 12:16pm
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is feeling cynical about love today.

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Got a match today, and this is what it says in his 'most important thing XXXX is looking for in a match' box:

"Easy to get along with. This isn't very narrowing, but I don't want drama, difficulty & tension. I understand things can happen to cause these things, but I don't seek them & believe life is very possible without them."

What does it mean???

---------

Here is my initial reaction to it:

(And it might make more sense if you understand this about me and my dating experiences: I have gotten the impression over the years that most men in general are far less emotionally mature than women, and can't handle expressions of emotions from anyone, especially the women they date, and even if a woman's emotions or reactions to something are completely within the range of NORMAL adult behavior/emotions, guys are almost always going to overreact and start accusing her of being crazy. And most men think they are emotionally mature, but in reality a large number of them are just big babies. Finding a man who really, truly is emotionally mature and able to handle the real and normal emotions that occur in life, is incredibly difficult to do.)

So, my reading of this is that he is emotionally weak, wants a woman without emotions at all, and generally doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a real relationship.

I think that his statement about understanding that things come up is totally negated by his next statement about it being totally possible to live life without them. Is he in la-la-land? Or am I missing something here?

Guys, what do you think he means? Women, do you think I am interpreting this correctly?


(Note: other than this comment, nothing else jumps out at me as wrong with his profile, other than it being a little sparse. But some of his statements are in line with my beliefs too. But, I DO NOT want to deal with a guy who can't cope with reality. If he screws up, I'm going to be mad at him. If he hurts my feelings or I have a bad day, I'm going to be sad. That doesn't make me a drama queen.)
 
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cc1979 is offline cc1979 Post #2  March 31,2010, 12:25pm
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is feeling cynical about love today.

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One other note...

Maybe I just have bad luck in the guys I meet, IDK... But I have been accused of being crazy on many occasions, and have often had it be an excuse for breaking up with me. (Not that it is always me getting dumped or for this reason, but it has happened a number of times.)

It has happened so much, that I have developed a bit of a phobia about it, and am always questioning myself and my actions - which is so wrong that men are allowed to get away with treating us like this and causing these phobias...

Because of this, I have actually gone to see a mental health professional - wondering if I really am crazy like these guys say. The professional opinion: No, I am not crazy. It is this type of men and their inability to deal with reality/emotions. Absolutely not me at all - I am incredible well adjusted, sane and normal.

(I'm probably only posting this because despite the professional assurance of my sanity, I still doubt myself in relationships, and am paranoid what my question/statement says about me.)
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  March 31,2010, 12:32pm
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I think that you are carrying way too much personal baggage from your past experiences and as a result are jumping to a pretty extreme conclusion based on a few sentences on a profile. Not to mention that you made some pretty wild sweeping generalizations of men and their ability to handle things. Coming from my personal experience, I rather disagree with you.

Your choices are either to stick to your guns and close him based on speculation and personal baggage. You can communicate with him and ask him what he means by that later on. Or you can actually meet him and judge for yourself what kind of a person he is.

But seriously, if you do decide to proceed with him, make sure that you check your baggage before you walk through that door.... If you are going to approach him all up at arms and suspect, just close him out.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  March 31,2010, 12:38pm
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wrote :
So, my reading of this is that he is emotionally weak, wants a woman without emotions at all, and generally doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a real relationship.
One of the things you said you found out(with your therapist) is that men you have been involved with have accused you, time and time again, of something which was not true.
is that correct?
Why is it that you are the one, jumping to conclusions about one of your matches, already?
Can you see the irony in that? What does that say about you?
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  March 31,2010, 12:38pm

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Hi Cc1979,

I think “conflict” and “drama” do get confused a lot. Here are some articles that were published on Advice a while ago that might help define things (for you):

Are you Addicted to Drama? by eHarmony Advice
Drama Queens and Crisis Kings

Since you don’t really know how he defines drama, you might want to communicate with him and see if you can find out.

Good luck with everything. I hope you start feeling less cynical and more hopeful.

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #6  March 31,2010, 12:45pm
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Go with your instinct here. Everytime I ignore it I find my first impression was right.
It is so vague as to what he is looking for I doubt he even knows. Now to me that gives them every reason to say, "you are not what I am looking for". Of course after spending a lot of time getting to know them.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  March 31,2010, 12:45pm
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cc1979 wrote :
One other note...


It has happened so much, that I have developed a bit of a phobia Absolutely not me at all - I am incredible well adjusted, sane and normal.

(I'm probably only posting this because despite the professional assurance of my sanity, I still doubt myself in relationships, and am paranoid what my question/statement says about me.)
One the one hand, you say you are "incredibly normal"......or that you have been diagnosed as incredibly normal, right?
And then, two sentances later you profess to being paranoid about what you suggest....

Do you think that it is incredibly normal...to be paranoid?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #8  March 31,2010, 12:54pm
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TheThinker wrote :
Do you think that it is incredibly normal...to be paranoid?
From someone who checks the back seat for zombies?
Sorry, couldnt help myself.
 
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cc1979 is offline cc1979 Post #9  March 31,2010, 1:10pm
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is feeling cynical about love today.

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DancingFool wrote :
I think that you are carrying way too much personal baggage from your past experiences and as a result are jumping to a pretty extreme conclusion based on a few sentences on a profile. Not to mention that you made some pretty wild sweeping generalizations of men and their ability to handle things. Coming from my personal experience, I rather disagree with you.

Your choices are either to stick to your guns and close him based on speculation and personal baggage. You can communicate with him and ask him what he means by that later on. Or you can actually meet him and judge for yourself what kind of a person he is.

But seriously, if you do decide to proceed with him, make sure that you check your baggage before you walk through that door.... If you are going to approach him all up at arms and suspect, just close him out.

Thank you!!! That is the kind of feedback I needed. I was wondering if it was just my baggage causing me to read it that way, or if it was a realistic reading of it. That's why I posted it and asked. THANK YOU for the reality check!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  March 31,2010, 1:18pm
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livenlearn wrote :
From someone who checks the back seat for zombies?
Sorry, couldnt help myself.
That's rule#2!
 
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