Close Reason: I'd Rather Not Say


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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #1  March 31,2010, 8:15am
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OK, so how many of you have gotten this reason as to why one of your matches closes the match? Do you think anything about it or do you just toss it aside and say "Whatever!" Does it make you wonder what they didn't like about you? Looks? Religion? Career?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  March 31,2010, 8:19am
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greg75 wrote :
OK, so how many of you have gotten this reason as to why one of your matches closes the match? Do you think anything about it or do you just toss it aside and say "Whatever!" Does it make you wonder what they didn't like about you? Looks? Religion? Career?
That one I have not gotten. I would wonder why though if I did.
Do you have your religion stated in your profile?
For the life of me I cant figure out why you keep getting shot down. Your posts are always nice too. I wish I could be a fly on the wall on one of your dates.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #3  March 31,2010, 8:47am
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livenlearn wrote :
That one I have not gotten. I would wonder why though if I did.
Do you have your religion stated in your profile?
For the life of me I cant figure out why you keep getting shot down. Your posts are always nice too. I wish I could be a fly on the wall on one of your dates.

Awwwhhh thanks! Don't know why I get shot down either? Luck of the draw I suppose! Yeah, I did get this closed reason today. It's the second closed reason I've gotten. Usually they either say "The Physical Distance is Too Great" or just "Other". But, I'll admit it does make me wonder when they put "I'd Rather Not Say" as a reason. I do have my religion listed, but I figured it's probably because she didn't like my pictures, because there is a closed reason that says, "Based on what my match said in his/her profile" if it was something I've written in my profile. I'll admit if I close a match because I'm not physically attracted, I'll put other or I'll just say I don't feel the chemistry. To me, choosing "I'd Rather Not Say" can be taken kind of harshly.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  March 31,2010, 9:20am
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greg75 wrote :
Awwwhhh thanks! Don't know why I get shot down either? Luck of the draw I suppose! Yeah, I did get this closed reason today. It's the second closed reason I've gotten. Usually they either say "The Physical Distance is Too Great" or just "Other". But, I'll admit it does make me wonder when they put "I'd Rather Not Say" as a reason. I do have my religion listed, but I figured it's probably because she didn't like my pictures, because there is a closed reason that says, "Based on what my match said in his/her profile" if it was something I've written in my profile. I'll admit if I close a match because I'm not physically attracted, I'll put other or I'll just say I don't feel the chemistry. To me, choosing "I'd Rather Not Say" can be taken kind of harshly.
Unless your stating something overly religious in your profile, I dont think it would be religion. Unless it's a flexible match. In that case take no thought of it.
Your pictures? You have your shirt on? You dont have pics with other women in it?
Maybe have a female friend look at them and see what she may get an impression of?
 
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table4_1 is offline table4_1 Post #5  March 31,2010, 9:29am
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I think it's because of looks that they give that answer. I've had several of these and it happened immediately after I published my photo.

Before I had my photo up, my profile seemed to draw a lot of interest, but once the photos went up....no more interest....we all can't look like Sandra Bullock, but it seems many men expect us to, otherwise we don't get a second glance. Wouldn't it be interesting if they didn't allow photos until communication had been established? That would be very telling.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #6  March 31,2010, 9:51am
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table4_1 wrote :
I think it's because of looks that they give that answer. I've had several of these and it happened immediately after I published my photo.

Before I had my photo up, my profile seemed to draw a lot of interest, but once the photos went up....no more interest....we all can't look like Sandra Bullock, but it seems many men expect us to, otherwise we don't get a second glance. Wouldn't it be interesting if they didn't allow photos until communication had been established? That would be very telling.
I know that people have closed me due to not liking my look. But hey, I tell myself that even those at the pinnacle of the manufactured beauty standard might not float someone's boat. If a guy is faced with Angelina Jolie, Heidi Klum, Jlo and Beyonce, he's going to say no to someone. It might be hair color, body type, or some other subjective. You might just not be someone's type just like they might not be yours. As long as you've gotten the thumbs up from friends that your photos are accurate and representative then I'd try not to personalize rejection.

Embrace the fabulousness! Oh and during my first EH stint I did not reveal photos until Open Communication and my match did the same. Luckily, we both liked what we saw and were together and happy for quite a bit. I now put pictures up front but I just wanted to let you know that you can take that philosophy if you want to and reveal photos later. Some people will instaclose you for it, but others will not. But don't do it because you have some fear of being unattractive.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  March 31,2010, 10:30am
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I got a variety of reasons for closes, though not that particular one. After awhile I hardly noticed what the reason was ... because you never know what someone means.

I guess if I consistently got a particular specific reason, that would have some meaning.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  March 31,2010, 10:52am
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table4_1 wrote :
Wouldn't it be interesting if they didn't allow photos until communication had been established? That would be very telling.
If they want me to cancel my subscription, they'll do something stupid like that.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  March 31,2010, 11:16am

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table4_1 wrote :
I think it's because of looks that they give that answer. I've had several of these and it happened immediately after I published my photo.

Before I had my photo up, my profile seemed to draw a lot of interest, but once the photos went up....no more interest....we all can't look like Sandra Bullock, but it seems many men expect us to, otherwise we don't get a second glance. Wouldn't it be interesting if they didn't allow photos until communication had been established? That would be very telling.
Interesting that you mention that, Table4_1! Very early on, that was how it worked. In fact, one of our founding relationship scientists recently mentioned a situation where one of the members had formed a strong connection with a match during the Guided Communication process. The member said that when she saw the match’s photo in “Open Communication” the disappointment was overwhelming.

They went ahead and met anyway. The member was struck by how attractive the match was – in person. She said that she felt right away that “this was the one”. That is the something for everyone to consider! High compatibility levels tend to create higher "chemistry". And some people just don’t get along with cameras very well.

All the best,

~Kate
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #10  March 31,2010, 12:12pm
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It generally means 1 of 3 things:

1) If you are a guy: "You are too short"
2) If you are a gal: "You are too fat"
3) For both: "You are too ugly".

Sure sure, you can say that it doesn't mean that at all, but if it wasn't one of those reasons, they would have just selected the infamous "Other".

This is why I hate that Close reason.
It is insulting, and should be removed.
Let people just pick "Other" instead.

BTW,

I am still waiting on EHarmony adding:
"Not enough information in Profile"
"Allergic to cats/dogs"

And removing:
"I'd Rather Not Say"
"Because I have been placed on Hold"
 
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