Is it wierd to ask this question?


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curlygirlpdx is offline curlygirlpdx Post #1  March 30,2010, 8:17pm
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Hello--

In previous open communications, one of the questions I usually ask is 'why are you on EH?' or 'what brought you to EH?'. I had a friend tell me that can put some guys off. I think it's something I wonder about so why not ask. I don't think I'm asking in a rude way.

What do you think?? Guys would that be too blunt for you?

--cgpdx
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  March 30,2010, 8:39pm
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curlygirlpdx wrote :
What do you think?? Guys would that be too blunt for you?
No it's not too blunt..

My question would be, what are learning about your matches when asking this question? I would think you're going to receive generic answers from most people.

why are you on EH?. I'm tired of the bar scence and thought e-dating would be a great way to meet new people.

What brought you to EH? The commericals sucked me in and I had a few friends who have tried it in the past.

This is not how I would answer them, but I'm guessing these are the type of responses you maybe getting. I personally never ask these type of questions, beacuse I really didn't learn anything valuable about that match.

Not saying there is a right or wrong way, eveyone does what works for them. If this question is working for you. Continue to use it.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; March 30,2010 at 8:47pm.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  March 30,2010, 8:49pm
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I don't like that question. Seriously, YOU'RE on eHarmony... what brought you there? You're (presumably) looking for someone to date and/or form a relationship with. How else would you expect your match to answer?

It's almost an accusatory question, at least to some people....maybe moreso if asked the 'real life' dating world. The question tends to imply you're a loser for having to resort to online dating sites.

What is it that you wonder about that prompts you to ask the question? You may be better off asking what you're probably really trying to get at, such as what are they looking for in a relationship?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  March 30,2010, 9:09pm

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I can answer the question, but I would ask the question back just to be fair.
 
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curlygirlpdx is offline curlygirlpdx Post #5  March 30,2010, 9:11pm
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Thanks for your responses.

What I'm really looking for when I ask this question is a little bit of background on what they're recent dating experience has been like? Have they been out of a relationship for a while, single for a while figuring things out? I don't intend it to be accusatory or be taken negatively, I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me or attach any negativity to it. It's just someone asking what led me to try on-line dating. I don't think everyone does.

TrekRyder--you are right most of the answers I get are a little generic which really don't tell me much, but I think that asking those questions that I'm really trying to get at might be too invasive??

I also want to know how people feel about being on an online dating site. Some do think or you resorted to this b/c you couldn't find anyone another way but I wonder if it's something they've done deliberately or reluctantly. It tells me a little bit about where there mindset is as far as dating and shows me how open they are willing to be.

I don't mind getting the question which is why I've asked it.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  March 30,2010, 9:18pm

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I think all those questions depend on how good you get along with your date/match.

Maybe you want to space those questions apart just a little bit....and some guys have been turned down because they dated too little or too much....or how long they've been single, etc...(and the equally deadly follow up..."Why are you single for that long")

but if you can deliver those questions with grace and tact, secure people would be able to answer them with no problem.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #7  March 30,2010, 9:22pm
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curlygirlpdx wrote :
Thanks for your responses.
I'd much rather be asked a direct question. I think most men would.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  March 30,2010, 9:39pm
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curlygirlpdx wrote :
What I'm really looking for when I ask this question is a little bit of background on what they're recent dating experience has been like? Have they been out of a relationship for a while, single for a while figuring things out?
Then you should just ask that. I don't think you would get answers to those questions by asking why they're on eHarmony.


curlygirlpdx wrote :
I also want to know how people feel about being on an online dating site.
What's to feel? You're BOTH on the site. Does it really matter if they (or you) are there "deliberately" or "reluctantly?" Is one mindset somehow superior to the other? Are you expecting someone to admit to being ashamed they're doing online dating? Or someone to really rave about it? Because you're unlikely to get either type of response. And really, what have you learned about the person that you are interested in by finding out how they "feel" about being on an online dating site? It's just a tool for meeting someone... and if you've connected that way it's served it's purpose. So get on with the business of actually getting to know the person and don't focus so much on how you happened to meet.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  March 30,2010, 9:56pm
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curlygirlpdx wrote :
What I'm really looking for when I ask this question is a little bit of background on what they're recent dating experience has been like? Have they been out of a relationship for a while, single for a while figuring things out?
I try to ask questions that I would ask someone in person if I was introduced to them. These are generally "light conversation" topics which let the other person talk about herself in a positive way. Questions about dating experience or past relationships are really none of my business at this point. There's plenty of time to unpack and compare baggage later. (Much later.)
 
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mustangace is offline mustangace Post #10  March 30,2010, 10:43pm
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[quote=Wonderwoman402;932803]I don't like that question. Seriously, YOU'RE on eHarmony... what brought you there? You're (presumably) looking for someone to date and/or form a relationship with. How else would you expect your match to answer?
quote]


Well, they might say what I would say: Because I've been married twice (once for 13 years and then 10 years), been honest and loyal both times only to end up divorced. My first wife stepped out on me and my second struck up a male friendship that she decided she wanted to go for. She was kind enough to get me out of the way first.

So, the way I was picking mates for a long term committed relationship wasn't working at all! I decided it was time to find someone who would better fit my personality, and since I can't seem to do it on my own, why not eHarmony? Out of the dating sites I've tried, it, in my mind, is the best. It's approach to making matches is certainly more methodical than mind. I just want a mate who can be as honest and loyal as I've been. No guarantee, I know, but my track record without help is terrible!
 
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