When to try something different


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John_the_savage is offline John_the_savage Post #1  March 28,2010, 9:50pm
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Hey guys, I just wanted a second opinion. My friends and family seem to think I should stop wasting my time with online dating. I am having fun meeting new people but haven’t got very far. My batting average seems to agree.

Here are my stats:
  • months subscribed: 15 continous
  • closed matches: 1022
  • matches progressed to open communication: 35
  • 1st dates: 15
  • 2nd dates: 4
  • 3rd dates: 2
  • 4th dates: 1
  • 5th dates: 0
I have noticed that in the last 15 months my expectations have become a lot more realistic and also I have become more comfortable with dating in general. Also, my profile and photos have been reviewed by my friends and I have tweaked it. I understand that dating is a numbers game. So when do you draw the line and try something different? (maybe speed dating?) It would be nice to get that 5th date. Lol!
Thanks for your advice and opinions.

John,
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  March 29,2010, 7:05pm
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So what are your stats using a different method to meet people?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  March 29,2010, 7:27pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
So what are your stats using a different method to meet people?
When different methods start sending me 7-8 potential dates to my inbox a day, I will consider cutting out e-dating.
 
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John_the_savage is offline John_the_savage Post #4  March 29,2010, 8:03pm
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Various dating methods I have tried include having my friends set me up and also asking girls out from my mountain biking club and at the bookstore. My stats are a lot lower from these methods compared to online dating. I have had a few coffee dates but that's about it.

The thing I like about eharmony is that you know that every one of your matches is single and looking to meet new people. Therefore, your odds of going on a date are a lot higher.

One thing I should also note is that I am not being picky at all. Of those 15 eharmony dates I had I would want to continue seeing at least 11 of them; however, the girl wasn't interested or it was poor timing for her. On one hand I would say I have had great success with eharmony as I have met 15 new people (avg 1 a month!). In contrast, nothing has come out of this besides casual dating.
I am trying to hard? It seems many of my friends met their partners by accident. I keep on hearing the phrase, “be patient, it will hit you when you least expect it.” What do you think?
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  March 29,2010, 8:15pm
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Why do you need to quit e-dating to do the other things too?

Why can't you do both?
 
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NYCpigeon is online now NYCpigeon Post #6  March 29,2010, 8:34pm
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John_the_savage wrote :
Hey guys, I just wanted a second opinion. My friends and family seem to think I should stop wasting my time with online dating. I am having fun meeting new people but haven’t got very far. My batting average seems to agree.

Here are my stats:
  • months subscribed: 15 continous
  • closed matches: 1022
  • matches progressed to open communication: 35
  • 1st dates: 15
  • 2nd dates: 4
  • 3rd dates: 2
  • 4th dates: 1
  • 5th dates: 0
I have noticed that in the last 15 months my expectations have become a lot more realistic and also I have become more comfortable with dating in general. Also, my profile and photos have been reviewed by my friends and I have tweaked it. I understand that dating is a numbers game. So when do you draw the line and try something different? (maybe speed dating?) It would be nice to get that 5th date. Lol!
Thanks for your advice and opinions.

John,
priceless
 
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John_the_savage is offline John_the_savage Post #7  March 29,2010, 8:40pm
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I agree, dating should be similar to looking for a job. You don't just apply to the online ads, but also network, find placement agencies etc. The online part should only be one part of the big picture.

Maybe my question should be how much time should you dedicate to the online component of your search? Looking back I have spent countless hours online. Could this time have been better utilized via a different avenue?
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #8  March 30,2010, 4:54am
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I guess I don't see an online prospect as all that different from one obtained from a different dating pool. The online prospect lives in th real world, too.

I guess I think each prospect should be evaluated based on their potential for compatibility with whatever you are seeking and your goals be it LTR or FWB or something in between.

I would prioritize my time based on which of those prospects seems likeliest to be a good fit.

I wouldn't spend overly much time emailing the online prospects if that's what you are getting at. Determine whether there's enough compatibility to meet and then meet. You can't generally make relationship progress in emails beyond determining who meets enough of your criteria to warrant a meeting.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  March 30,2010, 5:35am
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Sounds to me like you've learned a lot in the process and are having fun doing it so why stop it?

As for meeting that one right person....it's just not that easy and there is no magic formula. Using the online thing is just adding to the possibilities but should not be your only source. You can definitely combine all of them.

I don't really know why you spend a whole lot of time online. You should really try to e-mail less and meet sooner rather than later. It will cut down on wasting time, since until you actually meet, you have no idea if there will be any real life attraction.

Perhaps don't expect every sigle match to be the one?
 
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John_the_savage is offline John_the_savage Post #10  March 30,2010, 6:03am
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Thanks for the input. I definitely noticed my methods have changed. For example, I used to send 8-10 emails before even asking for a date. Now I ask for a date on the 3rd or 4th email. Also, I communicate with pretty much all of my matches.

I guess I should spend less time looking at the stats and just focus on enjoying it. It's just so easy to get discouraged when I have that big 1022 closed matches staring at me every time I login.

Thanks again, John.
 
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