Energy101 is offline Energy101 Post #1  March 28,2010, 5:48pm
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I am actually a returning member on eh. Over a year ago, I suscribed, with no success, and ended up dating outside of eh. For a while it seemed other sites worked better, yet something wasn't quite right with the people who were contacting me. It was a lot like meeting someone at the bar really; I missed the screening process provided by eh. I could often associate with the profiles of the matches that were sent to me. Now, rather or not we succeeded in communicating was another story... This week-end, I decided to give it one more try. I guess i am posting this tonight, hoping to get some advice in the overall process, and hopefuly figure out where i went wrong in the past, and make it right this time.
One question I have always wondered about is the following:
Is it too forward for women to start communication with a match? I have always been a passive member, because of a gender restrain. Sometimes, If I have had a new match for a while who hadn't tried to communicate with me, i more than likely would think... 'If he was interested, he would have started communication' and close him. Is this the right thing to do? Is he actually waiting for me to contact him first? What is really going through a man's mind, when they receive new matches?

All comments are welcome; Thanks for the help.

p.s: I will try to attach my profile to get more feedback.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  March 28,2010, 5:57pm
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Energy101 wrote :
One question I have always wondered about is the following:
Is it too forward for women to start communication with a match? I have always been a passive member, because of a gender restrain.
Gender restrain?
who put that on you?
I grew up in a house with five females and I have no idea what you are talking about.
Of course you want to start communication, if you feel comfortable...
Go for it.
 
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jomarie is offline jomarie Post #3  March 31,2010, 9:15pm
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My advice would be to go ahead and start communication if you're interested. Some people get so many matches it's nearly impossible to stay on top of all of them. Some people just like to limit the number of people they're communicating with at one time, for whatever reason. If you're really interested in somebody- go for it. Don't let yourself slip through the cracks.

On the other hand- I usually like to let the guy make the first move, since I know looks are generally more important to men. That way I know that I pass that test from the get-go. That leaves me in a position to choose from the narrower field of men who have started communication.

I think it's just one of those things you have to weigh on an individual basis, but definately don't let the fact that you're female stop you. It's not as if you're asking them out- you're just saying hello, and starting a friendly conversation.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #4  April 1,2010, 4:24am
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If you read the dating advice book called "Turn Your Cab LIght On" it tells you that it is better for women to initiate on internet dating sites. It flatters the men you are interested in, the good guys that may have been too humble to initiate with you.
Statistically (according to the book) the results for you are better if you pick out the men you are interested in rather then waiting for some random man to pick you.
I have initiated in the past and never had any issues with guys, they usually responded favorably and were thrilled it seems. I wouldn't stalk a guy, that will turn him off! But sending off a 1st communication and then waiting is what I would do.
Let him take it from there. It is very much like fishing and makes you feel like you have some control as well as shows you how it is a numbers game.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  April 1,2010, 10:43am
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Energy, you are paying for this service just as much as they are. You should be contacting the men you want to communicate with. This does not mean they will respond or that they are even a paying member and can respond.

Depending on how long you gave these men to start communication with you before you closed them, you may have been just shooting yourself in the foot.

I say go for it and initiate with any match you like.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #6  April 1,2010, 11:30am
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I'll just echo what everybody else said. Whether "restrained" by gender or just plain old shyness (that's me), making the first move is a good idea. Worked wonders for me.
 
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MicMan is online now MicMan Post #7  April 1,2010, 4:22pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
Energy, you are paying for this service just as much as they are. You should be contacting the men you want to communicate with. This does not mean they will respond or that they are even a paying member and can respond.

Depending on how long you gave these men to start communication with you before you closed them, you may have been just shooting yourself in the foot.

I say go for it and initiate with any match you like.
All of this right here. I don't understand why someone would pay for a service and not try to maximize their spending.
 
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