If no profile photo = dealbreaker for you -- then please read this!


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  March 22,2010, 3:21pm
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Every week here at eHarmony they send around to the entire company one of our Success Stories. I really wanted to share this one with you because I read so often on the boards how people will automatically close for lack of a photo.

Seriously folks -- if a profile is otherwise interesting to you, then take a chance and communicate with them! Lucky for Greg, Kara was persistent but if she had not been, he would have missed out on his match.

Without further ado, here is Greg and Kara's story, as told by Greg. Oh and they sent us an update today, they are expecting their first baby this summer!



Ever seen that Visa commercial where they play the song that talks about only living for 100 years and it goes through the guy’s life and all of it is laid out in 30 seconds? Well I saw that commercial one day and a light went off in my head. It wasn’t the light that says go out and get a Visa and start writing checks my body couldn't cash. It was what I like to call the NO LONGER BACHELOR LIGHT. I had been single long enough. I figured it was time that I find me a good woman and begin my new life. Kind of crazy! Some of you may call this kind of sad. But it actually is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

For months my best friends Josh and Sadie had been encouraging me to join a dating website. I thought this was nuts but figured I would give it a try. My cousin, Todd and his 3 sons had heard a radio commercial about eHarmony and mentioned to me that cousin Greg should do that. So I pondered it for awhile and figured I would give it a shot.

In the summer of 2005 I joined eHarmony. I was on eHarmony for several months (I figured I would give it a year) and one day I got an email notifying me that a girl in Idaho was interested in trading several messages. There was a problem with this girl from Idaho however. She had no picture. My one rule was a picture. No picture no talk. I mean she could be some Russian beef cake mail order bride for all I knew. So the picture was vital. So, needless to say I ignored her. Several days go by and she emails me again. This time there was a photo and this time it was a message that basically said, "I think you’re the hottest guy ever and I really want to talk to you." HAHAHA ok I am lying about the last part. Here is the truth, Kara emailed me (with a photo of herself) and asked if we could begin trading messages. I responded immediately and began trading messages with her. I mean a good, Hot; dazzling, "simple" girl like Kara doesn't come along every day. We traded emails for several days. I remember how excited I was to check my email.

On a Friday night in March (I remember it specifically because the Huskies were in the sweet 16 of March madness and playing the UCONN Huskies) we had our first conversation through instant messaging. My roommates must have thought I was nuts because I was paying more attention to the computer then I was the game. We talked for several hours and finally at the end of the conversation I asked for her phone number. She said not yet. Playing hard to get I guess. But I liked it. For all you single girls out there, not only am I doing a shout out to all y'all but let me give you a piece of advice. You gotta play hard to get. Okay I am off my soap box back to the story.

Several nights go by and Kara and I are still doing the instant messaging thing. Finally one day I was discussing this no phone thing with Josh (my best man) and we came up with three theories: 1. Kara is really a man. Yeah totally freaked me out; kinda like that movie the Crying Game. For you older folks past the age of 40 (Vance) you probably don’t know what I am talking about - but that’s ok! I typically say go rent it. But don’t. It's rated R and it's against Evangel, Northwest, MidAmerica University student policies. You don’t want to go into the dean’s office. Believe me I know. 2. Kara is married and her husband is out of town. Man that would suck. This one stressed me out as well. 3. She is playing hard to get. Which I liked but was getting really frustrated. Frustrated to the point where I broke down and told her that I spend 10 hours a day on a computer at work and am not into doing it anymore. She is a special girl but I just had to hear her voice and ease my pain. So she eased my stress and gave me her number. I told Kara my 3 theories She gave me her number after I told her my theories. We immediately hit it off.

After phone calls came the date. Then we met and now we are engaged. Here is how we got engaged from Kara's point of view. The first week in August, I found myself packing up and getting ready to move to Seattle to be with the man of my dreams! For everyone that knows me, knows how much I LOVE the Coeur d' Alene area and my friends and family there, but there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be close to Greg. Friday August 4th. Greg came over to help me get all packed up for the big move. All day long, we were packing. Well, I was packing, and Greg was supervising.

Anyway, we had lots to get done, because our plan was to be all done by early evening so that we could go to our "special" spot for dinner in Hayden for the last time before we left Idaho. The Porch is a fun little spot on the golf course in Hayden where we had our very first date. We loved it so much there, that we went at least once, sometimes twice every weekend that Greg was over visiting. So we wrapped up all of the packing, then we started to get ready for our evening. As I was getting ready, I noticed Greg pacing around my empty apartment. I thought to myself, "Gosh, he must be real hungry from all of that packing!" So I was finally ready to go, a few minutes later than planned.

We headed over the The Porch, and as soon as we sat down at our table, the server brought the most beautiful bouquet of flowers to me! Not only were they beautiful, but they were the same kind of flowers that Greg sent to me the day before the first day we met! Ya, he scored big points with that one! He went on to tell me that the flowers were in celebration of me moving over to the Seattle area, and also to say that he is really excited for what was to come in our special relationship. All very special! So we proceeded to order and finish dinner. I thought Greg was real tired cause he was super quiet.

We wrapped things up at The Porch, and headed home. On our way home, Greg took a detour to go down to the long dock that goes out on Hayden Lake. He told me he was not ready to take me home yet. Ha! We parked close to the dock, and Greg gets out a wrapped gift for me and a mag light (it was getting pretty dark by now). We walked out on the dock and Greg had me open up a scrapbook. Now, for all of you out there thinking that was sweet of Greg to have his Mom help him with a scrapbook for Kara, you need to know that Greg did it all himself, and it was pretty darn impressive! He saved EVERYTHING! From our first picture together, to the receipt from our first dinner date, to every little note and card I had written to him along the way!

As I start to reach the end of the book, Greg hands me the flash light and starts to reach into his pocket. I start reading the last page of the book which read: 9 months of eHarmony membership...$240, 5 months of phone bills and text messages...$530, 10 trips between Seattle and Spokane...$1030, Meeting the girl of my dreams...PRICELESS! Ya, I was sobbing, and so was Greg! He got down on his knee right there at the end of the dock, pulled out the most gorgeous ring, and asked me to be his wife and to spend the rest of our lives together. All I can say is, it was perfect, he is perfect, and God is SO good!
Last edited by eHA_Admin_Lori; March 22,2010 at 3:46pm. Reason: because.....DUH, Lori!
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  March 22,2010, 3:40pm
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
.
Without further ado, here is Scott and Kara's story, as told by Scott. Oh and they sent us an update today, they are expecting their first baby this summer!
I have to ask who is Scott? Kara is married to Greg, but having Scott's baby! I'm confused!!LOL


Lori, I know it's a typo.. This is a great story, definitely will make me think twice about closing a profile next time.

Thanks for sharing!
Last edited by TrekRyder10; March 22,2010 at 3:46pm.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  March 22,2010, 3:48pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
Lori, This is a great story, definitely will make me think twice about closing a profile next time.

I have to ask who is Scott? Kara is married to Greg, but having Scott's baby!

I'm confused!!LOL

OMG, I am totally cracking up right now -- I have tears! Talk about a Lori fail!

At first I was wondering where I got "Scott" from when I remembered that while I was posting one of my co-workers (named Scott) was having a conversation with another co-worker nearby that I was half-listening to.

Oh, the perils of multi-tasking.

Thanks for the catch, Trek!!! lol!!!!
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #4  March 22,2010, 4:08pm
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
OMG, I am totally cracking up right now -- I have tears! Talk about a Lori fail!
Phew!! for a minute there I thought you were watching too much Jerry Springer over the weekend!


While I have your attention. I'm glad to see that the EH product team introduced themselves into the community (see thread below)

I truely believe that EH would be sharing more stories like Greg/Scott and Kara's, if the product team implemented a few of the suggestions from that thread. IMHO more members would being more willing to communicate with photo-less matches, if we knew when the last time they were active (see ScottK post on page4) Heads up: no more way to tell non-members


Thank you for all that you do
Last edited by TrekRyder10; March 22,2010 at 5:49pm.
 
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MicMan is online now MicMan Post #5  March 23,2010, 4:42am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
I truely believe that EH would be sharing more stories like Greg/Scott and Kara's, if the product team implemented a few of the suggestions from that thread. IMHO more members would being more willing to communicate with photo-less matches, if we knew when the last time they were active (see ScottK post on page4) Heads up: no more way to tell non-members
Agreed. I am one of the people that takes the spray and pray approach and initiates with most of my matches, but I'm also getting to a point where I wonder why I bother to send a message to a match that has no photos and an incomplete profile.

Why you won't implement something like this is probably because of somebody like me. If I came across a match that hadn't bothered to log in months or years, I'd close them out immediately. I don't want to waste time on false hope that they may come back someday and be the love of my life.
 
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That_Guy is offline That_Guy Post #6  March 23,2010, 6:34am
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Sure, it can happen. I can also get struck by ligntning and attacked by sharks.

I've been a member for over a year and I typically won't bother with photoless profiles either these days.. it's 99% a waste of time and I have finite energy. Been there, done that. When first hand experience tells you that something isn't working most people change tactics. Well, unless you are really stubborn or insane.
 
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nophotos is offline nophotos Post #7  March 23,2010, 9:44am
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I like this story. If my match had closed me out for no photos, I was prepared to post them just to meet him. He never asked until we got to OC and then I sent them right away.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #8  March 23,2010, 9:53am
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My ex is someone I met on EH and dated seriously for 2 yrs. Neither of us had photos up and we only exposed them in open communication.

It is a very sweet story. However, for where I am now and what I am looking for and for the time I have to invest, I do close matches who do not respond to a photo nudge within a reasonable length of time. I send the questions if the profile is interesting to indicate that I do want to start the conversation but the photo is part of the package and I'd want to see that sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, I have concluded that often no photo = no response to photo nudge = inactive member = waste of time.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  March 23,2010, 12:46pm
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I'm not buying this. Let's see the stories about all the people who met their photoless matches and were completely turned off. I'm sure there are many more of those.

A photo should be required to be matched to others. It's rude not to include one.
 
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BuzWeaver is offline BuzWeaver Post #10  March 23,2010, 5:07pm
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I'm still kicking myself for having gone against my gut feeling with a match who didn't have a picture. I liked everything about her profile but pulled the trigger and requested a photo.

About two weeks later (she had also viewed me two times) she posted a pic. She was very beautiful, a fitness model to be exact. Two days after she posted the pic I started communication with her only to be closed the following day.

Its my fault, but I do like blaming people in the advice forums because a majority of them seem to always lean towards getting that coveted pic.

In the past I've always open communication because you really don't have anything to lose, you can always close later. This was a hard, hard lesson. Her closing message was due to distance. I figured it was more less her way of saying "you didn't want to get to know me as a person first."
 
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