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damantid damantid is offline
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Hi Everyone,
I've been on eharmony for about 4 months now and I haven't gotten to a single date. I've gotten to open communication with three men but then it just seems to fizzle out before we get to a date. In fact, in all cases we never even talked about a date or even a phone call. I'm beginning to think I'm doing something wrong. I don't think I'm saying anything that would turn someone off. I mean I've had 201 matches to date and I've only had communication with 3?? Something seems very wrong to me.

At this point I have to admit that I'm reluctant to start communication with new matches. I've got 11 open right now but haven't done anything with them. I've had a few others that were closed by the match for various reasons (other, pursuing another relationship, distance is too great) but the 11 that are currently open are potentials but because they haven't requested communication I'm assuming they aren't interested and so I haven't done anything with them.

Anyone had a similar experience? I see other posts about rejection after meeting and dating a few times but I haven't even gotten to that point yet.

Help!!!
- December 31st, 2007, 07:22 am
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MW77009 MW77009 is offline
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That sounds about right to me. I had about a 4-5 month lag between starting EH and actually meeting a match in person. I suggest going ahead and initiating the matches if they have been sitting around for awhile. Most men are not turned off by this. Try not to get frustrated, all worthwhile things take time. I have been doing this and I am still single (and I work at it). I think anybody who is using this service seriously faces some of the same frustrations whether it is matches who do not respond, matches who play the disappearing game (w/o closure) or matches that are clearly not a good fit. I see it as a numbers game, so I try to be realistic, endevour not get too frustrated, and just lean into it and try to have fun without expecting too much. Those whom I know who have had success with internet dating were patient and worked at it but were realistic.
Good luck.
- January 3rd, 2008, 01:11 pm
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tgardner2 tgardner2 is offline
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I feel your pain but like MW77009 said don't be afraid to initiate, I certantly woudn't mind if a match started communication with me..I get so little out of any of my matches i'd almost jump for joy if that happened!
- January 6th, 2008, 10:41 pm
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SaraLizbeth SaraLizbeth is offline
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I've only been here a little over a month but I'm incredibly frustrated. I've had maybe 40 matches, initiated communication several times and, for the most part, don't even get the courtesy of a reply. The ONE guy who started up communication went all the way to open communication and then disappeared without even sending one open email. I was particularly angry because he showed up near the end of my subcription which I was NOT planning to renew until our communication started going well. So, now I've spent money I would not have, based on his game playing and it's gotten even worse! The system is not finding me any matches at all! Now I wish for the days of matches who don't communicate!
- January 8th, 2008, 11:43 am
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JediJennifer JediJennifer is offline
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All I can say to anyone is to not give up! I went through the same frustrations, not getting very many matches for months, matches who didn't respond to communication, matches who "disappeared" at every level of communication, even after we went out on a date! I

t took over 600 matches and the better part of a year before I found the wonderful guy I am currently in a relationship with. We have been together for over two months now, and it is truly a great match! Out of over 600 guys, he was only the third guy that I actually met, and I got to open communication with less than a dozen of those matches. I agree that it is a numbers game. The way I approached it, was that the more matches I initiated conversation with, the better chance I had on meeting the right guy for me. And my great guy -- I initiated communication with him as well! So don't give up! I wish everyone the best of luck!
- January 8th, 2008, 01:25 pm
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KMT KMT is offline
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Thank you JediJennifer for the words of hope! I haven't been on eHarmony for very long and I admit to some frustration. I was closed almost immediately by about 10 of my first matches. I then let the other 20 sit for a week to see if anyone intiated contact. One did, but after I responded, he disappeared. I then decided to weed out the matches that were too far away in my opininon, as well as the one who had a height/weight requirement posted on his profile that I in no way, shape, or form fit. Then I opened communication with all 14 that were left. That was a week ago. One match responded up to the point of receiving my pro/con (I forget what it's actually called) list and I haven't heard from him since then. Not one of the other 13 have responded. However, I intend to continue opening communication with almost every match, because as stated above, it is a numbers game. I have also considered rethinking my distance requirements. We'll see what happens from here!
- January 8th, 2008, 01:33 pm
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carolina girl carolina girl is offline
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Thanks, jedijennifer, for the encouragement. I too am on eharmony again due to some game playing guy who initiated communication after my subscription had expired, and continued it beyond the free weekend - I fell for it (again) like a fool (again) and re-enrolled in eH, only to have him drop off the face of the earth with no explaination and no closure - more wasted money. But since I have now paid for the service I hope to make the most out of it and have initiated contact with several interesting matches (not yet reciprocated, but I still have 2 1/2 more months paid up before it runs out again, so there is still hope). I wish all of us luck in love!
- January 8th, 2008, 03:40 pm
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ampy1961 ampy1961 is offline
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I initiate communication within a few days of receiving each match, unless there is something reason I am pretty certain we are not going to jive. Then I close it. I used to get really frustrated by the large number of men who never respond at all, but now I believe that the vast majority of them (the non-responders) are not members at all. They got on to check out their "free matches" and decided not to join. They can't respond! (Maybe I'm just placating myself, but, oh well!) To me, that's just one more reason to go ahead and initiate communication. They might decide to join if someone they view as interesting has basically asked them to join. ("Hey! I think you might be cool! Want to talk?") Yes, it feels a little like I'm eHarmony's business partner instead of a client - (So now I'M responsible for rounding up new clients!?) - but it is still to my benefit to have more people become members. There's that numbers game again, but it's true! I have been a member for about 6 months now, and have also had "dry spells." It will start up again soon enough. Try not to feel too discouraged. I view this as only one way in which God could bring me someone I will love for the rest of my love. It's not the be all and end all of dating! Best of luck, everyone!
- January 8th, 2008, 04:31 pm
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tomhc1 tomhc1 is offline
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I am frustrated. This is the second time I have tried Eharomony. The first I had only one match, the second, a year later I have none! I have not fabricated my profile or anything of the like.
- January 8th, 2008, 08:31 pm
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amyspokane amyspokane is offline
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I have been on here for 3 months and have been on one coffee date. Im not frustrated and I will give eHarmony a year. Im not discouraged and if it was meant to be it will happen, but Im not sitting on my keister doing nothing. If somebody initates communication I will respond or if I truly think it wont work out I close the match.
- January 8th, 2008, 09:38 pm
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