Are You a Polite EH user? How do you "close" your connections?


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speak2jelamat is offline speak2jelamat Post #1  March 21,2010, 10:33am
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I've been on EHarmony since about July of 2009 and obviously there are a lot of matches over that amount of time. When I'm closed by a match who isn't interested in me and I am as mutually uninterested, I always close with "good luck with your search". We have 6 choices...to simply close with no response, and 5 others - one of which I simply consider good courtesey?

I've found that I've never gotten that same response, which to me is just such an epiphany ! (well, maybe once!) Am I the only one who always tries to click on the "good luck with your search" button when closing?

Do you send a closing message or do you just click "close match"? If you do send the "good luck" message, why do you send it? Guys, what do you think when you get this message? I wondered, when I realized that, if the guys think it has a double meaning: desperately trying to get attention, etc.

I'm fascinated by relational psychology...so this is going to be interesting to read your responses.

Thanks!!
 
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DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #2  March 21,2010, 10:41am
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I, too, click on the "Good luck in your search" choice when closed for politeness. However, I really do wish them luck - I hope we all find someone that eventually we can share a life with.

I rarely, if ever, get a message in return when I initiate the close - but I am more than ok with that. Everyone has their own style and preferences.

Good luck to you - I wish you the best in finding the relationship you are looking for!
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #3  March 21,2010, 10:51am
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I use whichever closing message is appropriate for the situation.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #4  March 21,2010, 11:11am
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speak2jelamat wrote :
Am I the only one who always tries to click on the "good luck with your search" button when closing?

Do you send a closing message or do you just click "close match"? If you do send the "good luck" message, why do you send it? Guys, what do you think when you get this message?
Please keep in mind that the behavior of the eH site is always changing. I seem to recall that last time I was a member, a matched that closed you stayed under your "communicating" tab unless you sent back a final message. Then it would go into the "closed" tab. So I sent the "good luck" message just to get them off my plate. I attached no significance to it at all.

There have been many threads about the "politeness" of the various close matches and the responses. To me, it's worrying about nothing. A close is a close is a close. Move on.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #5  March 21,2010, 11:26am
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speak2jelamat is offline speak2jelamat Post #6  March 21,2010, 11:46am
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melman wrote :
Please keep in mind that the behavior of the eH site is always changing. I seem to recall that last time I was a member, a matched that closed you stayed under your "communicating" tab unless you sent back a final message. Then it would go into the "closed" tab. So I sent the "good luck" message just to get them off my plate. I attached no significance to it at all.

There have been many threads about the "politeness" of the various close matches and the responses. To me, it's worrying about nothing. A close is a close is a close. Move on.


I completely understand the closing to "just get them of my plate". I'm definitely not in a state of concern...more like a state of "ah...realization".

I know that I personally considered it a kindness when that ONE gentleman actually sent a "good luck..." message.
I find it really quite interesting that there's been a number of threads about the guys really valuing kindness in their dates/potential mates. I'd like to hear back from the guys about whether or not they send the "good luck" message out of a genuine desire to be kind themselves...or if its all about efficiency. =) I'm just intrigued.

thx!
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #7  March 21,2010, 11:53am
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As I have mentioned before, I don't like the "good luck" message. More than once from more than one match, it has meant the match wished to be re-opened. [Why they didn't choose something less ambiguous, you'll have to ask them!] A number of other times it's just been politeness or whatever.

What I especially don't like is if I get it from a match that I had closed for no photo and she still doesn't have a photo. That happened again today.
Last edited by pussinboots; March 21,2010 at 11:55am.
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #8  March 21,2010, 12:06pm
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When somebody closes me, I take a quick look at her profile. Most of the time, I'll send the "Good luck" message. Why not? I'm generally a polite guy. In 5% of matches that sound really like a great fit in lifestyle and values, I'd ask to be re-opened. But there's also 20% of closes that follow an inconsiderate message in OC, or a weird close like "Distance too far" (when she is in 5 miles) or "Age difference too great" (when its 2 years). Here I think "Crazy" and just click close - no message since don't want to be reopened.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  March 21,2010, 12:43pm
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I will send the Good Luck message if I potentially want them to reopen and the reason they closed isn't Other. I have only sent the Reconsider message a couple of times. Usually when they chose distance, but I state clearly I am willing to relocate, or it is a place I visit often.
 
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speak2jelamat is offline speak2jelamat Post #10  March 21,2010, 1:09pm
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cal_dude wrote :
When somebody closes me, I take a quick look at her profile. Most of the time, I'll send the "Good luck" message. Why not? I'm generally a polite guy. EXACTLY In 5% of matches that sound really like a great fit in lifestyle and values, I'd ask to be re-opened. But there's also 20% of closes that follow an inconsiderate message in OC, or a weird close like "Distance too far" (when she is in 5 miles) or "Age difference too great" (when its 2 years). Here I think "Crazy" and just click close - no message since don't want to be reopened.
I have to laugh at the "crazy" close. I've had some of those and it just pulls the involuntary "eye rolls" out of me. Lame.

That being said, I still try to send the good luck message - its so my nature to think maybe they're trying to be polite and maybe not mention the "real" reason they are closing. Either way, I still hope they find the right person. Its a jungle out there and I know I certainly am not the right person for 90 percent of the guys on the prowl.

Mostly I'll just hit the "close" if I'm in a time crunch, have had too much of a backlog in my closed matches and can't deal/be bothered with messaging all 40 closes...lol. But generally, I do try to send that "good luck."

Maybe I don't get why someone has closed me out, but its not my decision...its very rare that I'll request a re-open.
 
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