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6dle899 6dle899 is offline
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6dle899 Losing faith in humanity. One person at a time.

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javajava5 wrote :

Dear 6DLE899,

Congratulations on your Mensa status! Sometimes, highly intelligent people can really overthink things and this is the case with you here! Really, there's no need to think so much about this or try to second-guess her with what was going on and why she didnt respond. You really have no way of knowing and it's not important. It's in the past. It's moot! Let it go. Don't be like a dog with a bone regarding her hurting you. You have a chance to respond now to her if you so desire.

It's very simple really. If you liked her enough to Open Communication with her, then there's no harm in bringing her back if you'd like. Again, who knows her reasons for not responding before? Maybe you'll never know. That's in the past and you can't change it. You have heard from her now, isn't that what you've been wanting or are you going to make her eat crow for not getting back to you in a timely fashion?

Don't be that kind of person, it's unattractive. If you desire, simply re-open the match. It will then appear on your "My Matches" page at the same place it was before in the communication and she will be able to answer your Stage 1 questions if she so desires.

If she doesn't within a reasonable period of time, then you have several choices:

1. Send her a "Nudge," if you have not already done so.

2. Initiate "Fast Track," communication if the system allows you to do so, those this will cause you to miss out on some good information that might help you determine if you want to move forward.

3. Close the match for good this time.

Don't dwell of what itall means somuch. You really don't know and it'll drive you nuts. Let it go. Be a gentleman and don't badger her about it if she does communicate with you this time. Forgive her for hurting youwhenshe didnot respond, and proceed on in a gentlemanly fashion, taking the higher road. Don't bring it up to her in your communications. It is what it is. If you can't put it behind you, then you're better off not communicating with her. You might think aboutworking on some issues within yourself is this is the route you go.

Again, you're spending way too much time thinking about this and envisioning all the scenarios. Save that for a chess game! You're dealing with humans and people mess up! You mess up! We all mess up! Treat her the way you wish someone would treat you, and even though she didn't the first time around respond, again, let it go if it's within you to do so!

JavaJava5
OK, I sent her a "Nudge" this morning.

....and she answered the first set of initiate "Open Communication" questions IN AN HOUR!!!



IT WORKED, less than a day after I asked y'all here. UFB!!



Dang!!!! Thanks for the help, you guys!!! thanks Harmony for setting up the mechanism, seldom used but can still work.

Match ----> first O/C questions ----> ignored 2 months ----> closed her out "did not respond" & "distance too far" ----> 2 months later she messages "Please reconsider, we have things in common" ----> asked eHarmony advice what to do ----> Reopened her ----> "Nudged" her ---->

she answered first set of O/C quesions

"What is your opinion of committed long distance relationships"

(she said: B)they can work for a predetermined period of time



I am going to grab a Pilsner Urquell and head out to garage and put wax jobs on the Outback and the old Mercedes.

brb



- May 24th, 2008, 12:30 pm
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javajava5 javajava5 is offline
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Maybe a better idea is to respond back to her questions to you and keep the communication going in case this is a free eHarmony weekend like ScottK suggested!
- May 24th, 2008, 12:43 pm
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NancyG NancyG is offline
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6dle899 wrote :
OK, I sent her a "Nudge" this morning.

....and she answered the first set of initiate "Open Communication" questions IN AN HOUR!!!



IT WORKED, less than a day after I asked y'all here. UFB!!

I am going to grab a Pilsner Urquell and head out to garage and put wax jobs on the Outback and the old Mercedes.

brb


Strike while the iron is hot, Darlin' - isn't it your turn to email her? Go for it.
- May 24th, 2008, 01:32 pm
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pocket_full_of_sunshine pocket_full_of_sunshine is offline
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6dle899 wrote :

I just looked at her profile.

.."Things I can't live without: COKE"

^^^^^ Uh Oh.........I'm not into people who do coke or needle drugs. lol
Wow thats new....coca cola via needle
- May 24th, 2008, 01:52 pm
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CICity CICity is offline
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CICity I'm so glad we had this time together. Say, " Good night. "

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6dle899, wrote :
Ok dudes and dudettes, check this out. I joined up a couple of months ago and put 250 miles on my preferences, and eH carpet bombed me with about 7-8 matches from all over the place. One of the first ones came in on 3/24/08 and she looked tantalizing, gorgeous, funny photo captions, and seemed grounded, down to earth, sensible, sincere ...to the extent you can judge from those first write ups. Problem was that she was 2 states away. OK, I don't really like distances *THAT* far away, once I did one 5 THOUSAND miles away, and it was tough, took over a year to even meet, but we finally MARRIED when she came to the US. So yeah, they CAN work. Well, for 11 years it did anyway. lolol So I shot her the lst "Open Communication" questions, never heard back, and moved on. Meanwhile the inbox piles up with new "Matches". I am pretty picky, and eHarmony is sending matches as promised. I only answered one or two, and actually went out with one, after a couple of weeks of intense emails after she went from eH to actual emails. Had a GREAT time with her, gabbed with her 3 hours at the restaurant. Made plans to see each other again in 2 weeks, too. Then out of the blue in a week emails me and says she can't continue because she wants an every day relationship. (Now it is a "relationship already???!!!" shome mishtake shurely.... She says 150 miles is too far away for her. Gives me the famous "friendship lectures" you girls like to give us. OK, put a fork in that one, it is done.... lol So one day recently, about ten days ago, I decide to do a MASSIVE housecleaning of my inbox, at EHarmony, and start deleting right and left So I see this one, I had sent the Open Communication first set of questions on 03/24/08....she NEVER had answered them. Ok, she looked pretty darn good then, but this is 05/13/08 and she never bothered to answer or close me, so I figure she is not laying awake nights worrying about me. Buh-bye. I closed her. BUT WITH A TWIST: "check as many reasons as apply" My reason: "This match never responded to my request to communicate" BUT: I ALSO ticked *this*: My reason: "I feel the physical distance between us is too great" (and one could make that case, with the distance from San Francisco to Seattle!!! she might very well be worth a meeting, and I could do it, with effort) So I closed her for a GOOD reason, by ANY measure, she ought to have figured out what to do with me in two months, after the first questions sent.... And put the "physical distance" reason in there, to show I reconsidered, after two months, and to show, I liked her, enough to send questions, but decided that after 2 months of no response, some one that far away would not work. Whatever. THEN tonight, I get a communication from her that says "I feel that we have some things in common - Please reconsider!!" Well bless my paws and whiskers!!! What's up with THAT? OK, eHarmony people. Tell me what to do about this. You think she "forgot" to answer the questions 2 months ago? Put me on the shelf while she was pursuing some other guy and now it did not work out so now she will try me, as a back up? lol Has she a personally distorted sense of what is a REASONABLE length of time to answer the O/C questions or close me? Somthing else here that may be eluding me? I sent the questions, which means I could have handled the distance.... Is she just exercising the female perogative to "Change her mind" < groans > Am I supposed to SEND the FIRST set of questions ALL OVER AGAIN? (Like game over, hit reset!!) Will she answer them? Put her on "Fast track" Maybe then she will answer or email in ONE MONTH...lol I opened her, again, so should I CLOSE HER: and if so, what "reason(s) should I put? Even with the mensa card in my wallet I can't figure this one out. I am bewildered. I am sure this kind of thing doesn't happen every day to you guys. Tell me what to do. I'll wait awhile for some responses from y'all on here. This is an advice board. So now, can you give me some advice? No hurry. I think she is going to have to wait until you are going to have your say, on this one. (disclaimer: I really DO want a relationship. Not just to date people to increase a date count or something That is why I signed up for eHarmony.) I just turned 60. She is 53. Thanks!!!! ~~6dle899
ScottK commented right after you about the free weekend thing. See, this is where I'm in a tear 'cause E puts non members in with members. Scott mentioned the wait for the free weekend- do you want to pursue someone who's chatting with you first because the weekend is free? Or because they are looking for a relationship like you?
- May 24th, 2008, 01:56 pm
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Glider_Pilot Glider_Pilot is offline
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pocket_full_of_sunshine wrote :

Wow thats new....coca cola via needle
Believe me, there are days.... ;-)
- May 24th, 2008, 02:21 pm
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CICity CICity is offline
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ScottK wrote :

For your later one, the answer is pretty simple.

She is probably an unpaid member, and had to wait 2 months for a free weekend to happen so she could communicate with you. If this is the case, you better hurry thru the 4 stages so you can trade real emails before her time runs out!
Hey ScottK, what do you think of the free weekend at hand? This members vs non members interlude? I know at some point I too was a non member and was surely dangled in front of members. I hadn't quite gotten the gist of how this was working at first.

As a member I expect the abilities ought to be of equal capacity; reading, writing, and membership so we can choose to continue the reading and writing. At this rate, communication turns into your possible match still using pony express while you use The US Postal Service, follow? I ought to be shown to peers- including membershipness (if there is such a word). I don't want to hurry up and communicate based on the lack of membership of another.

Look at us here in Advice- there certainly is no sneak peek in here. No free weekenders in here- because we are all members. E has got to come up with some way to allow non members to see what possiblities lay in store for them IF they enroll- how about that one? I do not want to hear about ANYBODY who isn't a member. That needs to be a Must Have.

I like it in here in Advice. Why not let the new members get a look at the pages without getting access to the people enrolled in the pages? They could show topics, the contest, the discussion boards- all other kinds of neat stuff in stead of pimpin' us out. I didn't even know this venue of communication existed until I kinda fumbled around at the bottom of the page 'cause I had nothing to do and no matches.

I hope this is a comment they moderate and gleen some info from. I have now paid membership into a fairly safe chatroom extraordinare. I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A GANDER AND BE TAKEN A GANDER OF BY SOMEONE WITH THE SAMECAPACITY FROM THE START, NOT SOMEONE TAKING A STROLL BY ME 'CAUSE WEEKENDS ARE FREE!

Hey ScottK, I went into the discussion board in the dating topic and opened up a line about pimpin' us out. See how you like it & R.S.V.P.!
- May 24th, 2008, 04:53 pm
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Glider_Pilot wrote :
pocket_full_of_sunshine wrote :

Wow thats new....coca cola via needle
Believe me, there are days.... ;-)
Wow mainlining regular coke and not even diet. You do live on the edge. :-)
- May 24th, 2008, 04:54 pm
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Who said "regular" coke? Diet Coke has nearly twice the caffeine as the regular stuff...
- May 24th, 2008, 04:56 pm
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6dle899 6dle899 is offline
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6dle899 Losing faith in humanity. One person at a time.

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I was gone at the llama show (animal not the boot!!) all day and even though it rained, it was a lot of fun to see the animals again,outside their habitat, Peru, which I have been to many times. When I got back here there was red mud, and I hope not llama crap all over the place. One llama I befriended was named "Harmony" and I wish you guys on EHarmony could have met her. SO sweet.



I think you guys must be right about a Free Weekend here, and this match here feels really contrite, OR she is really interested because we are into the Second set of Questions now.

I "recycled" about 550 matches, and haven't dealt with about 50 matches, but by far THIS WOMAN is the prettiest and most vivacious of any of them I saw. So I am glad she is showing REAL interest now.

Not only that, one other one I got started with and was into open comm. with here, I had not heard fromin over a week, today really got interested again, and am now waiting for the last question before reading and writing emails.

And when I got home, a message on the machine from the woman I went for drinks with at the historic Holbrooke Hotel had left a message, saying she hoped I was ok, thought I left too abruptly, and would be home all day to talk.



WTF?



Four days ago I was wondering if I would ever have another date in my life, and wind up some 70 year old man in gray pants, a t shirt and suspenders, chomping a pre'Castro contraband cigar and yelling at the neighborhood kids to get the hell away from my old 1979 Oldsmobile 98.



Now this



Listen up you people : Things can change fast, and for the better.



Makes me think of Frank Sinatra's song "That's Life"
- May 24th, 2008, 08:20 pm
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