Is writing important when deciding whether to continue?


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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #1  March 16,2010, 5:12am
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I've discovered that matches who write back very briefly and miss most of my OC questions/answers are "not that into me" (or not that into the whole "tiring process" as one has put it) rather than shy or without writing skills. Did you have a similar observation?

I've had several matches with short profiles, who nevertheless communicated with me. They did mention not enjoying writing much. Fine. But when I met one this Sat night, she was just as silent in person. I was a happy dude when it was over.
Now I'm curious if missed questions, one-line responses to my longer emails, and such are red flags (not shorter profiles, but shorter responses). I start communicating or reply to questions from most matches, but screen more now for more pleasant dates.
 
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nophotos is offline nophotos Post #2  March 16,2010, 10:04am
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I kept my responses brief, but to the point, because I didn't want to get to know each other through on line communication. I would answer what I was asked, but I kept more details than not to myself so we could share in person. Hope that makes sense.

When my match and I finally met, we had plenty to talk about.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  March 16,2010, 10:40am
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Some people just don't write very good e-mails so they tend to be the short writers. I don't judge people by how much they write in e-mails but I will look at how much and what they write in their profiles. I find the one word answers and "not really answering the question" answers are the matches I should avoid.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #4  March 16,2010, 10:51am
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cal_dude wrote :
I've discovered that matches who write back very briefly and miss most of my OC questions/answers are "not that into me" (or not that into the whole "tiring process" as one has put it) rather than shy or without writing skills. Did you have a similar observation?
I suggest keeping your OC messages short. If you have 10 questions to ask, don't ask them all at once.

It's probably not that they aren't interested- if they knew that, why would they reply at all? It's more likely they don't want to spend lots of time answering a long message, not knowing if you will reply to them.
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #5  March 16,2010, 11:10am
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Thanks for good points! I don't ask more than 2-3 small questions in the entire OC, so I do hope for some answers. So short replies is fine, as long as they don't ignore questions. If simply missed rather than ignored on purpose, I could ask again, right?
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #6  March 16,2010, 11:16am
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cal_dude wrote :
Thanks for good points! I don't ask more than 2-3 small questions in the entire OC, so I do hope for some answers. So short replies is fine, as long as they don't ignore questions. If simply missed rather than ignored on purpose, I could ask again, right?
What I use as a judge when in OC is having a back and forth conversation...not 10 questions. So a big turn off is when I talk about something and have a few questions and then I get a one or two sentence response. After a couple of these I am turned off and dont even persue something.

What I have found is never judge the profiles until you get to open communication.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  March 16,2010, 11:35am
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cal_dude, I can also tell you that I've skipped over questions in an e-mail because I was more focused on answering the other questions. This doesn't mean I did it on purpose, it just happened. Also, I've had guys avoid questions from me in e-mail. Not just one or two, but all. This is very annoying. If you can't even answer one thing about yourself (or about how the weather is where they live) there is a huge problem.
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #8  March 16,2010, 12:54pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
What I use as a judge when in OC is having a back and forth conversation...not 10 questions. So a big turn off is when I talk about something and have a few questions and then I get a one or two sentence response. After a couple of these I am turned off and dont even persue something.

What I have found is never judge the profiles until you get to open communication.
Yup, that's exactly what I mean. Some with shorter profiles (maybe new and in progress) could still be engaged, but if thre's no conversation going... better to realize this before a date.
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #9  March 16,2010, 12:56pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
cal_dude, I can also tell you that I've skipped over questions in an e-mail because I was more focused on answering the other questions. This doesn't mean I did it on purpose, it just happened. Also, I've had guys avoid questions from me in e-mail. Not just one or two, but all. This is very annoying. If you can't even answer one thing about yourself (or about how the weather is where they live) there is a huge problem.
So if your match avoids all or most of your questions, do you try to ask again at least 1 or 2 important ones, give up or proceed with caution?
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #10  March 16,2010, 1:50pm
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I have found that people who miss questions tend to be poor communicators. Unless, of course, the questions are considered by the recipient to be invasive. But 'too tiring'? What on earth is the point of continuing with the service if you can't be motivated to answer questions? Wow, I'm not surprised you're checking into this ... fancy sending I'm a 'too tired' vibe to a potential date! (I would associate that attitude to be 'too tired' with life in general and would not want to proceed with the person. Are you getting that sense from them, or just in the questions?)

I see a lot of correlation at work. People who express themselves clearly in writing, whether their style is succinct or verbose, are generally very good communicators.
 
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