Profile Review: Five months of failure, please help!

I've been lurking on these forums for a long time, and I've really enjoyed reading everyone's posts.

I'm now past the five month mark, and I'm not having the success I was hoping for. Hardly anyone communicates with me, and I've only met one person. I kept detailed statistics for a recent (typical) week, and here were the results:

• 49 matches delivered, I contacted all of them.
• 33% closed me (mostly stating "Other" or "Pursuing another relationship")
• 4% responded to my first questions
• 18% looked at my profile, but did not respond (mostly non-payers, I'm guessing)
• 45% took no action (non-payers)

Of the two people that did respond to my questions, both got stuck, and I'm still waiting on their responses (it's been about a week since last communication with them, I'm not holding out much hope).

At this point I've burned through over 800 matches, and I'm worried that I'm doing something wrong. I'm posting my profile and photos here in hopes that I could get some advice from the kind folks here. In return, I'll take your advice, make changes, and post back with statistics from a future week.

I've read all of the profile workshop threads and found them very helpful. I've tried to make my profile show my personality, uniqueness, and a bit of humor. I'm worried that the answer to the first question (the "passion" one) will mark me as an uber-nerd to my matches. I admit that may be slightly true, but I promise I bathe monthly, and my mom's basement is plenty big enough for two people. I'm also worried that I may have gone overboard with the cheesy jokes.

So what's the verdict folks? Am I scaring away my matches with something in my profile? Should I get better pictures? Or maybe a paper bag would be a big improvement?

Thank you all, and I eagerly await your advice!

Basic Information:
Occupation: Engineer
Age: 34
Height: 5'8"
Wants Kids: Yes
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Christian
Drinks: A few times a year
Smokes: Never

Image Captions:
Img1: On Vacation (Feb. 2010)
Img2: My humble abode.
Img3: My sweet ride.
Img4: On Vacation (Feb. 2010)
Img5: (no caption)


1. What are you most passionate about?
I'm passionate about my occupation. Back in Miss Greenfield's third grade class, our school got its first computer. I was hooked from the start! I saved my allowance for months, and with some help from my parents, I purchased a tiny computer of my own. It hooked up to the television, and it was very primitive. I loved it! What was a hobby for many years eventually turned into serious study at college, and now I have an awesome job that I really enjoy. I find it so satisfying and fulfilling to fix something that isn't working right, or to make something that's useful for other people.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?

• You know those mornings when you wake up and feel awesome all day for no good reason? Those days!
• Spiral notebook and mechanical pencil - I take lots of notes!
• Indoor plumbing - Without a doubt the most important invention ever!

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
Family, friends, and teachers are at the top of most people's list, but let me dig deeper. When I was in elementary and junior high school, I was in this club for boys where we'd meet weekly to play games and go camping and hiking during the summer (kind of like Boy Scouts). One of the adults who supervised us was named Dave. He grew into a "big brother" type figure for me, and I was always happy to see him. He encouraged me to pursue my interests, gave me good advice, and made me feel important and valuable. Dave was an all-around fantastic person, and he stands out as a major role model for me.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

• Articulate
• Intelligent
• Easy-Going
• Dependable

5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?

• Finding and taking on challenging activities.
• Finding creative solutions to everyday problems.
• Achieving personal goals.

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
Gee, only one quality? Well if that's the case, then obviously I want someone I can fall madly, deeply in love with (and her with me) because we are just so perfect for each other, and we can live a happy, blissful life together! Should be easy, right?! I'm sure you'll agree that it can be hard to find someone you have that awesome connection with, but I'm always hopeful and optimistic that she's around the next corner, and I just have to keep looking.

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I don't really know what people first notice about me, since I don't ask them (what an odd question to ask someone you just met!) When I meet someone, I try to give a nice smile, warm greeting, and ask for their name if they didn't offer it (and I work really hard to remember it). Hopefully they notice these things. Then again, maybe they notice that piece of broccoli stuck in my teeth or my third eye. Who knows?

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
Umm... my minty fresh breath? This is a nearly impossible question to answer, since it requires the ability to read minds or something! So let me just tell you a bit more about me. I'm a very verbal person, and I mostly experience the world through words. I love to talk to people. I love to read. I've tried writing, and had some skill with it, but I've fallen out of practice.

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I love reading, watching movies, tinkering with my computer, walking in the park, the occasional video game, and just spending quality time with family and friends.

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

• Hugs
• The snooze button - Just 9 more minutes!
• Those little clementine oranges
• Purpose
• Pixar movies

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
I recently read and enjoyed the book "Stardust" by Neil Gaiman. This book is usually described as a modern fairy tale, and I think that fits it perfectly. The book is about a young man who vows to retrieve a fallen star for his sweetheart, but the journey ends up being more perilous and amazing than he could have imagined. It's a totally fanciful book that really gets your imagination going.

12. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
It's really hard to sum up your personality and character in just a few paragraphs. I have nothing witty or profound to add here, other than to tell you that I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. If you know it's not going to work, save us both some time and click "close". I won't be offended, I promise (my buddies Ben and Jerry will comfort me). But if you don't mind flirting with a stranger on the internet, then go ahead and answer my questions (or send me yours)! We're all here to find someone who's great for us, so let's communicate to see if we're great for each other!

What's something about you that only your best friends know?
Well, only my friends know about the time in high school when I was sent an invitation to participate in a beauty pageant. I suppose with a name like MYNAME, they just assumed I'd be interested. (And if you're curious, I was second runner-up. It was an honor just to compete! I'm not still bitter about losing. Nope.) (NOTE To Advice Forum Users: MYNAME is much more common among women than men, hence the joke. I prefer to keep it private though, so not posting it here.)