Persistent Match Comes Back With New Name


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badshutterfinger is offline badshutterfinger Post #1  May 21,2008, 4:52pm
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A few weeks ago I closed a match I was communicating with because some of the things on his Must Haves/Can't Stands list indicated to me that we would clash in some fundamental areas. After closing him out, he sent a final message to me saying that I would change my mind if we were to meet. I did not re-open the match as a couple of the things he listed were definitely deal-breakers for me. Today I got a new request to communicate from the same man, same exact profile, same photos, but with a slightly different name. He is awfully persistent and going to great lengths to try to reconnect, but Iam still not interested.I am now debating whether I shouldjust close him out again and ignoreany further requestto re-open, or if I should Fasttrack with him to explain why I closed him out to begin with and give him a chance to respond. What do you think?
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #2  May 21,2008, 5:01pm

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If you're definitely not interested in him I would simply close him out again. You've never communicated with him & so don't need to offer any further explanation. Fasttrack communication may simply fuel his fire and open the channels of communication, making him feel you have some desire to communicate.
 
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riley is offline riley Post #3  May 21,2008, 5:19pm
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badshutterfinger, wrote :

A few weeks ago I closed a match I was communicating with because some of the things on his Must Haves/Can't Stands list indicated to me that we would clash in some fundamental areas. After closing him out, he sent a final message to me saying that I would change my mind if we were to meet. I did not re-open the match as a couple of the things he listed were definitely deal-breakers for me. Today I got a new request to communicate from the same man, same exact profile, same photos, but with a slightly different name. He is awfully persistent and going to great lengths to try to reconnect, but I am still not interested. I am now debating whether I should just close him out again and ignore any further request to re-open, or if I should Fasttrack with him to explain why I closed him out to begin with and give him a chance to respond. What do you think?
Sounds like he likes you enough to risk total rejection. You ought to give him a chance.

Unless your God's gift...
 
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Bethica is offline Bethica Post #4  May 21,2008, 6:53pm
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It would seem to me that coming on again with a slightly dkfferent name would indicate a tendency towards deception.

You did tell him your Must Haves / Can't Stands don't match, didn't you?
 
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keriebo is offline keriebo Post #5  May 21,2008, 7:33pm
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Go with your first and second instinct - This has nothing to do with thinking you're god's gift/whatever bull.The point of being on eharmony is meeting someone who is better suited for you. You'd be wasting his and your time if you keep communicating with him.
 
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TravelingMel is offline TravelingMel Post #6  May 21,2008, 7:49pm
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Avoid the stalkers. How hard is it to understand No or no response? Close him out again.
 
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MarieMarieMarie is offline MarieMarieMarie Post #7  May 21,2008, 7:56pm
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Close out this bully and report him... you owe him nothing--- he is a liar and sounds like he is a potential stalker--- see what E-H is willing to do to protect you jsut in case he keeps popping up like a bad penny as he has already done.... there must be some sort of protection against this....
 
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BeautifulSun is offline BeautifulSun Post #8  May 21,2008, 10:03pm
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I agree with those above. No means No. A stalker is never a welcome companion. And, how eerie that he would change his name or whatever and persist, thinking that you would be okay with that. Oh... I forgot, all women like desperate men. Yuck. Report the guy. Don't engage with him in any way. Sounds like he's a little off center just enough that if you have any sort of chat, next he'll be asking you to marry him!

Good Luck. Let us know how it goes. And, always look over your shoulder. :-) (jk)
 
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MW77009 is offline MW77009 Post #9  May 22,2008, 6:53am
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Now that sounds reaaaaalllllly creeeeeepy. Close n' report.
 
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DreamingOfAtlantis is offline DreamingOfAtlantis Post #10  May 22,2008, 8:44am
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I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I think someone needs to. I'm not saying I'm right, but there are some points I want to toss out for discussion. First, I'm going to say to remember all safety concerns in dealing with someone like this and to use more than common sense. Other than that, I'm not going to go into safety.

When I was a kid, this kind of behavior was sweet and romantic. It was pursuing the woman you're interested in and showing her that you don't quit easily. If Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, or Cary Grant behaved this way, the women in the movies would be irritated but secretly enjoy it. In the long run they'd fall into his arms and live sappily ever after. Even today that happens in many romantic comedies.


Now doing anything more than saying, "I want to go out" can be considered stalking.

It's pretty well known men don't really "get" emotional stuff as well as women do. We're supposed to know what we're doing in romance and can't ask for help or admit we're confused. I've known many men who have learned what to do in romance from movies. What if he's watched a lot of older movies and thinks this is romantic?

In a sense, he's paying a compliment. He thinks you're so interesting or attractive he's willing to take a big risk to try to meet you. Maybe he doesn't realize what the deal breakers are and how serious they are to you. Or maybe, as has been discussed elsewhere on this forum, his MH/CS list is not as firm as it is for some people.

If the rest of the match looks good, remember, even in OC or Fasttrack, he still can't find your name or contact info unless you give it to him.

One possibility is to go to Fasttrack and in your first message tell him that you're quite concerned that he didn't respect your wishes to close the match and explain that some of the things he's listed in his MH/CS list are points you are not willing to negotiate on, that they're that important to you. Point out that he may not see that point, but to you it is of paramount importance.

Then you may tell from his reply if he's a nutter or just not great on social skills.

One thing to be aware of: If he asks for what items you have issues with and you give them, watch carefully how he responds. If he tries to minimize them or excuse them, then there will be issues. If he tries to start wheedling on you and trying to either blame you or to start trying to debate you or make you justify your choices, then I'd let eH know about him and close him off. If he deals with the points open and honestly and wants to discuss them, you might learn about him. But I would say even if that happens, be very suspect of him for a good while.

Again, I'm not saying I'm right, but I'm a nerd and have a lot of nerd friends. We're the kind that don't know social situations and I've seen many men try to act as they've seen characters in movies act because they're told that it's romantic. It may be he doesn't realize what he's doing.

I just thought those points should be made.
 
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