kmkz is offline kmkz Post #1  February 9,2010, 5:35pm
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A few days ago a match requested communication. I looked over her profile and accepted. We exchanged (through GC) 5 questions, which I followed up with a request to skip to email; she promptly accepted. The first email I sent gave her some positive feedback on what I thought of her answers such as "my answer would have been poor grammar is a turn off as well etc".

I ended the email with 5 questions of my own to get to know her better. I noted that any questions she was uncomfortable with could be ignored and that I would be happy to answer any questions she may have. Throughout, my usual politness was present with a "Have a good evening" and proper form.

Today when checking my email I noticed that the match had been closed and the stated reason was "I would rather not say." This left me with with no real insight into what happened; I'm pretty sure I never wrote "By the way I like to eat puppies." I'm guessing since I can't read her mind and didn't want to push for more information that:

a) She saw my posts on these boards (same EH picture) and passed on the match for a reason she wished to leave out
b) She was put off by my questions
c) She met someone else and thus closed the match

To clarify any speculation: the 5 questions I send, and all emails for that matter, are different and specific to a match. Some fundamentals are present and questions may be similar (because a couple are important to me) but I make sure the communication is well thought out.

The question is are the following inquiries (via email) intimidating to women:

1. What in your opinion was the most thoughtful or sweet thing you have done for someone in the past year (2009 - present)?
2. The last time you were angry how did you handle your anger? No need to specify why you were angry.
3. How important is dressing professionally to you?
4. A person says something smart-aleck to you in a joking manner. Are you more likely to laugh, fight back with a witty comment or other?
5. Of all the positive nick names you may have aquired, which is your favourite and why?

I'm very sure these were the questions I sent. The only other possiblity is that copying the email from Word to EH made some funny symbols for the breaks between paragraphs or something, but that surely would be a silly reason to close a match.

Don't get me wrong; a match being closed actually saves me time and effort but I can't help but mentally say Huh. I'm attempting to learn from the experience and insight of others.
Last edited by kmkz; February 9,2010 at 5:38pm.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  February 9,2010, 5:43pm
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It kinda has the feel of an interview. I think if you fast track with someone it's probably better to carry on some kind of dialogue instead of sending questions (as you would be doing in GC anyway)
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  February 9,2010, 5:48pm
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Okay (ignoring for the moment the funny type yonder Nanette has found) ... and not being a women, these questions would have me clicking the close button too.

Unless she was a great match, in which case I would answer them in Jokes.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #4  February 9,2010, 5:52pm

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If I found something hinky in your profile and then got these questions, I would close since they would seem like confirmation of my otherwise odd feeling about your profile.

I have gotten some weird questions and I have answered them if I did not have any weird vibe prior to the questions and if I found something really odd in the asking, I would answer and ask, why did they ask?. That seemed to work for me since a lot of the times my assumptions about why they asked were wrong. But I think I was a little unique in my approach and not a lot of people did it my way.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #5  February 9,2010, 6:08pm
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I agree with Nanette that more of a dialog would have been in order. And to answer your specific question, yes, the questions were odd. Not the sort of things I'd ask in the course of a casual conversation.
 
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goosielucy is offline goosielucy Post #6  February 9,2010, 6:21pm
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Perhaps the better question is why are they not odd to you.

What makes them odd to me is not so much what you're asking but how you are asking them that seems a bit unsettling.

I agree with the others that if you are going to open communication, I would kind of expect dialogue and not a list of questions.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #7  February 9,2010, 6:26pm
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Yes, these questions are odd ... very, very odd.
 
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kmkz is offline kmkz Post #8  February 9,2010, 6:53pm
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When I reflect about it I guess I ask questions like this because I like to get people thinking and for the following reasons:

1. What in your opinion was the most thoughtful or sweet thing you have done for someone in the past year (2009 - present)?
- could give me insight into their idea of a nice gesture and how thoughful they can be. Everyone puts thoughtful or caring or sweet in their profile.... therefore how so?

2. The last time you were angry how did you handle your anger? No need to specify why you were angry.
- everybody gets angry now and again; hopefully they have the ability to communicate their feelings i.e sit down and discuss what was bothering them

3. How important is dressing professionally to you?
- whatever the profession might be, do they take their work seriously. I honestly have seen sandals with no socks in an office.

4. A person says something smart-aleck to you in a joking manner. Are you more likely to laugh, fight back with a witty comment or other?
- since I can be a smart-aleck it's a good idea to know this sooner rather than later. The ability to take a joke is a plus.

5. Of all the positive nick names you may have aquired, which is your favourite and why?
- people have strange nick names, often with good stories behind them.

I certainly didn't just write an email saying "Hi, thanks for the answers. Here's 5 more questions." I led into it with some positive feedback and 1 or 2 things about myself so I didn't appear to be an interrogator. I give something before I ask for anything.

Side note: ok some of the questions might seem odd, I'll admit that but surely #s 1, 4 & 5 aren't off the wall. Afterall I said positive nick name, what would be so bad about telling me why friends call you Sunshine or something. Furthermore what would be wrong with saying for instance "I threw a surprise party for a friend and they found that very thoughtful". It's not like I asked: What's your greatest fear or insecurity.
Last edited by kmkz; February 9,2010 at 7:02pm.
 
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ModernDayDame06 is offline ModernDayDame06 Post #9  February 9,2010, 6:55pm
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Seeing as I'm new on here, I may or may not have the best advice concerning this, however...I didn't really see anything (based off what you posted in this particular thread) that could be seen as a "put-off" or "turn-off." (Of course, I've just started on here, and haven't gone past GC yet) But the way I see it is there are potentially numerous reasons for her closing the match, many of which may have absolutely nothing to do with you or your choice of questions/words. I wouldn't linger on it too much, but it is probably a good idea to consider stepping forward a bit and not being stand-offish for too long in e-mail...might come off stuffy. I personally wouldn't close a match for that petty of a reason.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #10  February 9,2010, 6:58pm
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Why on earth would you have skipped to 'fast track' mode with this woman, only to ask her questions as if you were still in GC? I would find that odd in itself. Why not just continue the GC and ask some of these in the last set of questions?

I do find your questions very odd and probably would have closed the match after receiving them. Whatever it is you hope to find out from these questions should really be brought up more naturally in conversation than in numbered questions. Setting them out the way you did makes it seem like work or an interview to get to know you, when really you should be making it natural and fun.
 
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