my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  February 8,2010, 10:09pm
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Okay, so this is a spin off from one of my other threads here. My match that I had a few e-mails with finally posted his new pictures after 2 weeks and...I'm not attracted. In my e-mails I had requested that he post recent pictures since his pictures on his profile looked to be about 2 decades old (think 1990's). He does not look like he does in his other photos because he has significantly aged and does not look a decade younger than his age (this was his boast when I asked for him to post new pics).

So how do you tell a match that based on his new pictures that you are not attracted? It makes me feel shallow, but there has to be attraction and to be honest he looks like he could be my Dad's age (which is not a look I'm going for).
 
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Facetious101 is offline Facetious101 Post #2  February 8,2010, 10:22pm

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Dang. I hate to say poof. Try the difference in our ages button on close match.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  February 8,2010, 10:34pm
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my5cents wrote :
...So how do you tell a match that based on his new pictures that you are not attracted?
You don't. That would be rude and cruel.

You thank them for the lovely/interesting/whatever conversations that you've had the past couple of weeks, but you're focusing on another match. Then wish him well in his search.
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #4  February 8,2010, 10:43pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
You don't. That would be rude and cruel.

You thank them for the lovely/interesting/whatever conversations that you've had the past couple of weeks, but you're focusing on another match. Then wish him well in his search.
This is why I come to eH advice! I think I had a brain lapse, I seriously couldn't think of what to say or write to him (must be tired). Thank you so much! Beautifully worded, thank you soooo much Wonderwoman!
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  February 9,2010, 2:12am
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Closed. Reason: I'd rather not say.
Last edited by tweet37; February 9,2010 at 2:13am. Reason: Women are just as much visual creatures as men.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #6  February 9,2010, 10:52am
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Just curious- is there a big age difference or does he just look older?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  February 9,2010, 11:26am
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Wonderwoman said it well.

However, as an aside I have to say that I have never met a match that looked like their photos. Maybe in person he does not look as old as he appears in his photos. Maybe he looks distinguished instead of just old.
 
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Tank is online now Tank Post #8  February 9,2010, 12:46pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
You don't. That would be rude and cruel.

You thank them for the lovely/interesting/whatever conversations that you've had the past couple of weeks, but you're focusing on another match. Then wish him well in his search.
I'm going to disagree, I say you tell them that you don't feel the chemistry based on the pictures. It is not easy as I had to do it myself recently and I felt bad (I feel a lot better getting closed than closing someone else). It would be better to have him know that it is not appropriate for him to post pictures that misrepresent himself and not do it again for future matches. If he did it to you he may well do it to someone else.
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #9  February 9,2010, 12:48pm
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There is an age difference yes of about 12 years. I have gone out with matches who have been 8 -10 years my senior and looked to be about 15-20 years my senior when I saw them in person. On the flip side I've also met matches who have also been about 8 years my senior and look my age or just a little bit older. Basically they have aged gracefully. In CA it can go both ways. A lot of people hang out in the sun, tan a lot, or don't take care of their skin while in the sun so that can really affect how they look. Enough of skin care and the sun. This man looks quite aged and looks older than his age actually.
As to thinking he looks distinguished, well even though he might look different than his pictures I'm not buying the overall look. To me he is not attractive and he's sporting a mullet. Let me know when a mullet looks distinguished and not old.
 
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nunayabizness is offline nunayabizness Post #10  February 9,2010, 12:55pm

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my5cents wrote :
Okay, so this is a spin off from one of my other threads here. My match that I had a few e-mails with finally posted his new pictures after 2 weeks and...I'm not attracted. In my e-mails I had requested that he post recent pictures since his pictures on his profile looked to be about 2 decades old (think 1990's). He does not look like he does in his other photos because he has significantly aged and does not look a decade younger than his age (this was his boast when I asked for him to post new pics).

So how do you tell a match that based on his new pictures that you are not attracted? It makes me feel shallow, but there has to be attraction and to be honest he looks like he could be my Dad's age (which is not a look I'm going for).
You just tell him that you are not attracted. You are not being shallow at all. Do not think that for a second. He was actually being deceitful. You do not want to be with someone like that. In my opinion, his attempt to mislead you is much worse than his not being attractive.

Just make it short and final. Just like ripping off a band-aid.
 
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